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This. Ageism can work both ways. A cousin of mine went with her husband to a favorite restaurant our families enjoyed when we were growing up; it was a formal dining environment that required ties and sport coats of the men, and similarly semi-formal attire for the women. They were appropriately dressed. They were seated in an obscure corner, got poor service, and their orders were selectively filled with the lower-quality cuts of meat or fish, or whatever. They could see other plates of similar orders, with better-quality servings going to middle-aged and up patrons, IOW the customers deemed to be in a higher income-bracket, many of them regulars, probably. I've seen this kind of thing happen in other "better" restaurants, myself.
First of all - I refuse to be seated in an obscure corner.
Due to extensive traveling, I often dine alone, and I did experience waitstaff trying to seat me in some undesirable spots - like close to the restrooms, on the busy path to the kitchen, far away in a family/kids area etc.
I simply looked around and said that I don't like that table and pointed on another table and asked if I could be seated there. I was always accommodated.
Those "undesirable" tables need to be used, but I won't be that sucker.
Second: if I am not satisfied with an order, I have no problem expressing my feelings. In a restaurant, where I am a paying customer, I do expect to be served appropriately. Ignoring, or serving low-quality food (fat pieces of meat, end pieces of fish, stuff that looks like burned, warmed up etc.) will not be accepted.
Other examples: you get a hotel room you don't like (loud A/C, next to the elevator or staircase, busy street etc.) go back to the reception area and politely ask for a room change.
You get a rental car that is too big/too small, filthy ... go back to the reservation desk and ask to get a different car.
Do you see what I mean?
All you need to do is to stand up for yourself. Voice your concerns and displeasure. If you don't do that, people will think that you are pleased and happy. Be polite, but firm and ask to be accommodated to your likeness.
It has nothing to do with being a senior. People of all ages are exposed to "invisibility". They just need to learn how to become visible. Suffering quietly will never solve their problem.
First of all - I refuse to be seated in an obscure corner.
Due to extensive traveling, I often dine alone, and I did experience waitstaff trying to seat me in some undesirable spots - like close to the restrooms, on the busy path to the kitchen, far away in a family/kids area etc.
I simply looked around and said that I don't like that table and pointed on another table and asked if I could be seated there. I was always accommodated.
Those "undesirable" tables need to be used, but I won't be that sucker.
Second: if I am not satisfied with an order, I have no problem expressing my feelings. In a restaurant, where I am a paying customer, I do expect to be served appropriately. Ignoring, or serving low-quality food (fat pieces of meat, end pieces of fish, stuff that looks like burned, warmed up etc.) will not be accepted.
Other examples: you get a hotel room you don't like (loud A/C, next to the elevator or staircase, busy street etc.) go back to the reception area and politely ask for a room change.
You get a rental car that is too big/too small, filthy ... go back to the reservation desk and ask to get a different car.
Do you see what I mean?
All you need to do is to stand up for yourself. Voice your concerns and displeasure. If you don't do that, people will think that you are pleased and happy. Be polite, but firm and ask to be accommodated to your likeness.
It has nothing to do with being a senior. People of all ages are exposed to "invisibility". They just need to learn how to become visible. Suffering quietly will never solve their problem.
You're right. She did send a complaint letter, stating that she'd been a loyal customer for over 20 years {though in the company of her parents every time until the most current one} since their first start-up location, blah blah about the history of the place. They responded with an invitation for a complimentary dinner. I have no idea if she's ever been back, after that.
She did right sending a complaint letter, BUT I wouldn't even go that far. By voicing my displeasure and making myself visible, I would fix that problem right there, right at that moment. It works best that way, especially if she was going to dine in that restaurant in the future.
Fix it on the spot, and you will be remembered.
BTW: It's harder for the management to investigate incidents that happened some time ago, even if that's just the next day. They don't have time for that They will just send you some goodies and forget it. The particular waiter probably never learned a thing about it.
Yes been treated as invisible but sometimes discerning between whether it’s ageism or bad service can be dodgy. I’d certainly write a letter outlining your experience but whether it was due to ageism is questionable, it sounds like bad service to me.
I think it was bad service.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
I would never have sat there that long without contacting management.
I disagree that there is a "society-wide held view that seniors are "invisible". You had very poor service. It happens, but it should never be tolerated, which you did.
You and me both. I would have spoken up after my glass stayed empty with staff walking by for about 5 minutes, then I'd get up and make myself heard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janeace
My friend, DH and myself, all age range 65 to 70 went to a large catering hall that has a buffet lunch on Thanksgiving at $40 per person. We were seated near the entrance at a table for 3, went up to get some food and sat down to eat. Our water glasses were not filled and remained so for 20 minutes.
Who was to serve us was vague as one waitress was taking care of people to the right of us and another taking care of the people on our left. Each table was clearly marked with a number and wasn't it their business to know who was to serve us? Our plates were empty then and were to be removed by the waitress who as yet had not appeared. They were busy taking care of tables, larger and smaller. We placed some of the used plates on the waitress's cart. Spying a pitcher of water there for refills, I got up to fill the glasses at my table with water. I was feeling invisible!
I was hoping to treat myself to a mixed drink, which at this point I felt I'd earned after a half hour without anything to drink. I decided to go to a nearby waitress and ask if my table was assigned to her. She acted as if we had previously not been there and proceeded to take our drink orders. She waited on us after that, but in pondering her lack of response at first, I just had to wonder, as senior citizen are we really "invisible?" Do I write a letter of complaint because someone holds the the society-wide held view that seniors are "invisible?" Did we look like people who wouldn't tip?
Have you ever been treated like you are "invisible?"
Do put something in writing and either call or deliver it personally to the manager. You really should have spoken up sooner.
How did your table tip? Was it the usual percent or did you take money off? I'm not sure what I'd do especially if the waitress who ended up waiting on you did a good job. It would suck to take it out solely on her.
I've been there and done that. The last time we went out about 10 years ago, the waitress was paying close attention to my hub because she thought he was paying and tipping; well she was wrong because I paid and left a crappy tip which is what she earned
If you don't get good service from an obviously overwhelmed staff and do nothing to correct that when it happens it does not make you a victim who should be writing letters of complaint.
There are other factors as well. Certain restaurants and chains are looking to target business by certain groups. It has been going on for longer than any of us have been alive.
If you ever went to Wolfie's or Rascal House in Miami Beach, it was obvious that the customer base was Jewish. Windows on the World had tourist class and first class - maybe not overtly, but it was there. A visit to a Chinatown restaurant in NYC with someone who knew the dishes and spoke the language was an absolute treat.
Today, places like Red Robin and others cater to the 20 to 35 crowd. Loud music, no attempt at sound deadening from other diners, harsher lighting, ordering by tablet - all aimed at that market share and the money they have. Fast food places have seating designed to be more uncomfortable than school desks to move teens along and out as quickly as possible. Walk into a meat and three and it'll be obvious who the regulars are. If, as a restaurateur, you don't hit the market segment right, or the fashion shifts, Boom! You are out of business. I miss the old Steak-n-Ale in its prime (sorry for the pun). Times change. Howard Johnson's used to have fast service and medium fast food, as did Woolworth. People change, times change.
If you don't fit the demographic, if your tastes are different, if you are old, or young, bluntly? Many places don't want you. There might not be a doorman turning people away from entering the club, but the pattern is there - especially when a restaurant is busy enough to have a waiting line. I've learned to stay away from certain places, and I prefer to dine at off hours or places a little hungry for business. I might not get food prepped by the master cook, but the overall experience is generally enough better to make up for it.
A couple of years ago I tried going to a restaurant with a southern family on a Friday night. The experience was memorable. Southerners, especially when with family, pride themselves on manners. The restaurant was poorly managed and overcrowded, and good manners got us the longest wait I've ever had. We arrived at 6 PM on a Friday, and had called ahead for a reservation. By the time we were just starting desert, the entire restaurant had emptied out and the staff were bussing tablecloths and silverware for the closing, trying to make it obvious they wanted to go home.
For me to have spoken out more than I did would have been a breach of manners. When I left I was fuming inside, and made it perfectly clear later that I was NEVER going to repeat the experience. I'd be happier with a tv dinner on a park bench.
There are ways of getting good service in a restaurant. Flash is one, bribery is another, fitting in perfectly is another, knowing a staff member is yet another, and being a good tipping regular is yet another. If none of those are available, teeth like a shark, the voice of a foghorn, and the threat of the pen of a food critic with indigestion are about the only weapons left.
There is a reason why food delivery is taking off the way it is. Stand around in a crowded pizza joint for half an hour waiting to order and then the order to be processed, then try to find a seat, or call and have the same pizza delivered to you with only about 15 minutes more wait time?
Increasingly, food prep is being reduced to warming prepacked frozen foods in restaurants anyway. A good percentage of those T-day dinners served out were prepared in advance, thawed and served with fresh salad for the appearance of a fresh cooked meal. Convention food and rubber chicken breasts are making more inroads into restaurants.
Instead of that $40 per person restaurant, I might have bought a $50 Publix thanksgiving meal that served 8 to 10, added some trimmings, and had leftovers galore. Dining with strangers and getting poor service has little appeal for me. YMMV
I can't say the poster was correct but to think this does not happen because it is absurd and therefor cannot happen, well.... Don't get out much, eh?
Better service for regulars happens and as a regular, and a generous tipper, I get and expect such. But differing quality of food is the issue I call BS on.
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