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I agree with Amiko above, she will probably do or say whatever you want to hear to keep you around. That's why I mentioned stop having sex and getting out ASAP
I assume the kids are very young and since you have been in their short life less than a year you have a window to escape this mess without screwing up the kids. Do not let the kids or her be a guilt trip that keeps you around. She had a support network before you came and within a year she will find another young guy to be her kids daddy. I'd be willing to bet on that.
That sounds familiar...I married my wife/two kids when I was 31 and now that the kids are out of the house she went for another guy and wants a divorce. She claims our financial problems are one of the reasons. What she fails to see is that I had to support 2 kids all this time and didn't have much money left to put aside. Her job just paid a little above minimum wage and wasn't much help.
Based on my experience I would say get out and start living your own life.
The woman has a full time job, no she doesn't make as much as her husband, but...um guess what? That is the reality in a lot of marriages.
So since she has two kids, WHICH HE KNEW, only has a high school education (only 25% of people have college educations btw, no crime there), and her husband makes more money than her she is being called a gold digger?
So by that logic any woman making less money than her husband is a gold digger? Or any woman that has kids from a previous relationship is a golddigger if she marries "up"?
I was always thought you were only a gold digger if you were w/ a man for no other reason than money...i.e you don't love them. Is there any indication that she doesn't love him? Why? Because she doesn't make enough money working a full time job 9-7?
Ah...she's from another country. Read my last post again regarding my brother. You will be him pretty soon if you don't get out now. Sixteen years later he is still paying for the mistake he made as a young man. The woman went from lovey dovey to a complete evil witch!
I know that many of the women on this thread feel like I'm a completely naive ******* who has no place being with single mothers, but I actually gave up a lot to move to my wife's country to be with her and the kids. I've been supporting them since I was in college and I've rarely had opportunities to do the things my parents mentioned above. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? Perhaps. Unfortunately, due to the legal system in order for my wife and I to live in the same country it was *necessary* for us to speed up when we got married, and I can't help but think that may have had negative repercussions we weren't expecting.
You sound like a good guy. The major complaint I hear from you is that your wife dosent seem to be pulling her weight and she is calling all the shots. My advice would be not to ditch your marriage so quickly but to make changes. It has only been 11 months, marriage takes work. Im not a big fan of counceling, but if it would help, give it a try. You complain about having to watch the kids while she is a work. Put your foot down and get a sitter, or put the kids in daycare. Tell her you cant work and watch them too. If her income does not compensate for her being gone and the issue with childcare why not have her go to school part time so she can get an education and increase her earning potential. In a few years the kids will be in school and she should be able to get a better job.
Your problems, as you describe, are things that can be resolved. If you really love her try to get things on track now. You will have to step up and change the one-sidedness. It has only been 11 months, marriage takes work.
I side with whoever I believe is more than 50% more correct. Trust me, I am the only girl who grew up in a home full of brothers - no sisters. Do you think when I see one of my brothers in a situation with some girl that I don't think is right, I side with the girl???
I find it sad that you married a woman with kids and your whole mentality thus far has been "but they're not mine." Was that view ever going to change? Were you planning on being a father figure but at arm's length?
My heart breaks for those children because of the irresponsible adults in their lives.
Another point about this situation that I've witnessed several times.
If they stay together in the long term, any daughters from before the marriage get a very poor lesson from their mother's good luck. They then make the same mistake as their mother, expecting to also be "rescued". Now that single motherhood is common and fewer and fewer men are willing to marry into this situation, the guy not only supports his wifes' kids but ends up supporting her daughter's kids as well!
He's young. Perhaps he can support the great grand children as well!
Bounce, get out, you are a young guy with your whole life ahead of you. You can meet a single girl with no baggage and issues like your wife. Do it and dont look back. Dont be a sugar daddy having to raise someone else's rugrats. Go on vacation, party have fun and live life in your 20's because its gone before you know it.
Thank you for your advice..but I have to say I resent that statement. You'll find that a lack of love is in many cases not the reason why relationships end or fail to work out. Sometimes, the reality for some couples is that love just isn't enough.
Case in point..
My morning so far has involved taking care of the two kids since I woke up and dealing with one of them needing me to help them figure out stuff on the computer every 2 minutes (literally) for the past 3 hours. I've done many of the house chores myself and helped with homework... on top of this I've somehow managed to work on important campaign for work (the stress really didn't help). My wife on the other hand has been asleep all the way through to 1.30 in the afternoon and doesn't seem to mind leaving me to deal with all of this by myself.
I'm not the bad guy here..I just feel like I'm the one doing almost everything and I don't think that's fair. If this was a once off, I would say that I could understand and just move past it, but when she was unemployed this what my days were like every single week. I did talk to her about it and nothing changed.
So to summarize...I feel like I'm a slave whose responsibility it is to both look after the children, the house and make enough money to cover her bills. My wife is either completely oblivious to how this type of thing can breed resentment or she's happy with it going on just so she doesn't have to deal with it herself. Does she love me? Possibly. When I'm working I will get the occasional kiss or I love you, but this doesn't change my feelings of being used.
I can fully appreciate that a single mother needs to find someone to take care of both her and her children, but is this really what that's supposed to entail?
Listening to what YOU say- and not the rantings of the rest of us on CD:
I get the feeling like you do care for your wife and you want to do the right thing- but you are overwhelmed. (heck lots of stay at home moms feel the same even if it is a traditional marriage.)
I suggest you talk to your wife. Lay it on the line that things have not been considered fairly for all of you. Make sure she knows that you are serious enough to leave if things don't change. Give her a chance to make it right with you before you leave. Too much heartache (for all of you) is at stake.
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