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I wish city-data or other forums had an official "singles" forum....and not even for singles looking to date or get out there. Just a forum for people who are single for "unconventional/atypical" reasons. Idk I think creating some separation between this forum and that forum would make it easier to stay on topic about certain things and to find like minded people. Idk I'm just thinking out loud...maybe I'll start one....hmmm
I wish city-data or other forums had an official "singles" forum....and not even for singles looking to date or get out there. Just a forum for people who are single for "unconventional/atypical" reasons. Idk I think creating some separation between this forum and that forum would make it easier to stay on topic about certain things and to find like minded people. Idk I'm just thinking out loud...maybe I'll start one....hmmm
I wish city-data or other forums had an official "singles" forum....and not even for singles looking to date or get out there. Just a forum for people who are single for "unconventional/atypical" reasons. Idk I think creating some separation between this forum and that forum would make it easier to stay on topic about certain things and to find like minded people. Idk I'm just thinking out loud...maybe I'll start one....hmmm
Then that would have nothing to do with romantic relationships, if I am reading that right?
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Then that would have nothing to do with romantic relationships, if I am reading that right?
Yeah sort of??? A place for people who are celibate, taking an indefinite break from dating, widowers/divorcees who don't want to be in anymore relationships again, on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, people who just don't prioritize romance in life because they just aren't interested, etc. I think some separation would be good for a few reasons:
There wouldn't be any weird overlap in the threads.
Hopefully less derailment
Opens up the door for new conversations/discussions
People who want relationships could come to forums like this one for support, advice, insight, relationship discussion etc.
People who want to stay single could go to their forum for the same thing.
Etc.
There are just certain things singles can't really talk about here without being seen as weird or just out of place in the relationship forum. The Non-romantic relationship forum is nice but that's more about friendships and family relationships.
At long last, we have our first real snowfall here in Pittsburgh! *does happy dance*
Sonic: in terms of folks knowing when it's time to go, it sounds as if your father-in-law is in that place. There's a sense of peace that comes with that knowledge even if the end is not nigh. I'm so glad that you and your husband made the decision to move near him as having family who loves him relatively close at hand has to be one of the pleasures of your FIL's life. As daughters-in-law go, you're definitely a "keeper."
If he is ill with something terminal or even if he's not, I agree with you in that for people who are ready to go shouldn't be forced to go through a barrage of tests and treatments and should just be made as comfortable as possible to ensure a decent quality of life.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-07-2022 at 07:20 AM..
At long last, we have our first real snowfall here in Pittsburgh! *does happy dance*
Sonic: in terms of folks knowing when it's time to go, it sounds as if your father-in-law is in that place. There's a sense of peace that comes with that knowledge even if the end is not nigh. I'm so glad that you and your husband made the decision to move near him as having family who loves him relatively close at hand has to be one of the pleasures of your FIL's life. As daughters-in-law go, you're definitely a "keeper."
If he is ill with something terminal or even if he's not, I agree with you in that for people who are ready to go shouldn't be forced to go through a barrage of tests and treatments and should just be made as comfortable as possible to ensure a decent quality of life.
Thank you.
It was very important to me, to build trust with him after we got here. I have, to use language that might be a little too woke-speak, "held space" for his dignity and respect with others at times. My husband would get frustrated about some things, and I would remind him how challenging and frustrating life must be for his Dad, and encourage him to be patient. I wanted him to understand that we only want to help as much as he truly needs and/or wants us to do, to improve his quality of life....we are not swooping in to take over, or shove him into a home and sell all his stuff or steal his money or worse, his autonomy or his dignity.
When I hear some people, like a relative of mine who has cared for a number of elders in the family in their end-of-life years, say that you need to treat them like children...it really makes me angry. I mean, sure, their minds are not what they once were. And fair, I do mitigate my use of profanity around him! But I refuse to act like an overbearing dictator or a parent to a person who has lived a long, full life and accomplished much and deserves respect.
But you know what I'm realizing he might just appreciate the most? Hugs. I make sure to give him a long hug at the end of every visit now. He's a stoic sort of man, but I think that life since his wife died has been very lonely for him. I'm glad we made it down here, too.
It was very important to me, to build trust with him after we got here. I have, to use language that might be a little too woke-speak, "held space" for his dignity and respect with others at times. My husband would get frustrated about some things, and I would remind him how challenging and frustrating life must be for his Dad, and encourage him to be patient. I wanted him to understand that we only want to help as much as he truly needs and/or wants us to do, to improve his quality of life....we are not swooping in to take over, or shove him into a home and sell all his stuff or steal his money or worse, his autonomy or his dignity.
When I hear some people, like a relative of mine who has cared for a number of elders in the family in their end-of-life years, say that you need to treat them like children...it really makes me angry. I mean, sure, their minds are not what they once were. And fair, I do mitigate my use of profanity around him! But I refuse to act like an overbearing dictator or a parent to a person who has lived a long, full life and accomplished much and deserves respect.
But you know what I'm realizing he might just appreciate the most? Hugs. I make sure to give him a long hug at the end of every visit now. He's a stoic sort of man, but I think that life since his wife died has been very lonely for him. I'm glad we made it down here, too.
It's hard to understand why some people insist on treating the senior members of our society like small children. Like you, I was partially raised by active, engaged (and engaging) older folks albeit under much different circumstances than yours. I also worked in a nursing home when I was in my teens and very early twenties. Both of those experiences shaped much of my thoughts, feelings, and actions towards not just older people, but towards humanity in general. Whether I'm on a job site (I'm in people's homes for work) or just out and about, I always am sure to smile and engage with older people with whom I'm crossing paths (if they're open to it and they usually are). Being treated as though one is not only a child, but at the same time relatively invisible has to be utter misery at times.
Regarding hugs: you're right. With few exceptions, it's been my experience that touch, while important to people in general, is especially important to people as they age. I remember the residents at the nursing home just wanting to hold my hands and loving it when I'd gently touch their back or give them a hug, my late maternal grandfather wanting to hug often when we'd see each other, and even older people in my current multigenerational neighborhood wanting to touch your hands (pre-COVID anyway )
Something interesting that my mother says often is that the thing that she misses most about my late father is simple, everyday touch. A hug, a back scratch, snuggling on the couch while they rubbed one another's feet. Sometimes, she says that she feels starved for touch, so whenever we see one another, I try to "bank" as much touch as I can with her. It's not a replacement for my dad, but it helps, I think. No doubt, your father-in-law feels much the same way about missing his late wife and how your hugs help to fill his emotional cup.
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But I refuse to act like an overbearing dictator or a parent to a person who has lived a long, full life and accomplished much and deserves respect.
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