Should I start a relationship with him (how to, man, loving)
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If this is the case, then yes, you should date him.
If "keeps me from being alone" is your main criterion, you should just do it.
It sounds like your likes and dislikes are counterproductive and, frankly, not healthy, so I just don;t think you'll get the advice you want here. What you're wanting to do it counterintuitive.
I understand that a person with trust issues should not date someone who flirts with other women. It is not my only criteria not wanting to be alone, I have 2 other men I could be with. One I would have to get to know again but rather than just be willing to marry me, he'd jump at the chance, though we've also been apart many years. I've always been his dream woman. And the other one I'd need to get to know better so I know I could trust him but no, I'm not just taking the only fool who will have me. It's one of those "there's something about him" I'm drawn to. Plus I have had sex with him as he is an ex so we share that bond.
I was alone for almost 2 years. Then with someone for a few months. It didn't work out because he cheated on me. It is true most people do not control their emotions. But we must. I will not overreact or even act from emotions. If something bothers me I will tell him , though he knows me well enough to know what bothers me and can tell when I'm bothered. You have to accept a person or not. No pretending, not at all what I do. Just more of a "cut the crap" statement when it needs saying. I broke up with him because of trust issues and I couldn't handle that he was a flirt. It will be handled differently as I have changed.
Honey, when my husband died I was desperately lonely. I hadn't been alone in 18 years. I still waited 2 years to date because I knew I would cause myself and others damage, and it wasn't worth it.
You need to use your head to find out why your heart is in charge, and making bad decisions.
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I understand that a person with trust issues should not date someone who flirts with other women. It is not my only criteria not wanting to be alone, I have 2 other men I could be with. One I would have to get to know again but rather than just be willing to marry me, he'd jump at the chance, though we've also been apart many years. I've always been his dream woman. And the other one I'd need to get to know better so I know I could trust him but no, I'm not just taking the only fool who will have me. It's one of those "there's something about him" I'm drawn to. Plus I have had sex with him as he is an ex so we share that bond.
If you were his dream woman, why did he still flirt?
You are swamped in the delusions of the mind...you are drowning in drama.
In this thread you have made statements about your ex and your present love interest which everyone has very clearly pointed out are unhealthy for you or him or anyone.
You have argued against everyones' advice, you have layered on excuses for things which you very clearly have already experienced as a negative for you, and have said you will control your emotional reactions to: his flirting(it may not be cheating, but it is kind of asking for it, and can be disrespectful to your present relationship), his drinking,(being in Al Anon, do you really need to go there? You already know what thats' going to cost you), his emotional detachment or unavailability(you called it-being nonromantic) which you already know how that feels, why do you need to go back there? With all the things added up here, it seems like you are making an emotionally based choice that is all about revisting the old pain.
As you know the metaphorical story by now...a woman walks down the street and falls in a hole...etc.etc.
Don't you think its time to choose a different street?
If everyone in the whole world, and your best friend are all telling you - you are going down the street that has the hole and you are going to fall in the hole...then? What are you doing?
Ironically I heard this for the first time last night, the hole example. Could walk down a different street, could walk around the hole.
Al anon has made me see that people who drink are pretty much everywhere. His drinking was never the issue, just makes him more flirty. I very much agree that it is disrespectful to the relationship and that is why I am also considering not getting in the relationship and just dating him and the 2 others. I could tell him that I don't want to be disrespected and if he wants me it's me and no one else and he must prove himself first. I could tell him there are competitors but have a hard time saying that for some reason. It sounds bad maybe.
I understand that a person with trust issues should not date someone who flirts with other women. It is not my only criteria not wanting to be alone, I have 2 other men I could be with. One I would have to get to know again but rather than just be willing to marry me, he'd jump at the chance, though we've also been apart many years. I've always been his dream woman. And the other one I'd need to get to know better so I know I could trust him but no, I'm not just taking the only fool who will have me. It's one of those "there's something about him" I'm drawn to. Plus I have had sex with him as he is an ex so we share that bond.
Uhhh, first, anyone who states that you are a dream woman to him should probably be given a little time to show what they mean...sometimes the very men who make statements like that are the first to knock you off your pedestal they put you on - as soon as they see that you AREN'T the dream woman they thought you were.
Its easy to SAY whatever with the "best intentions", but only time and challenges will show what someone is REALLY made of, and whether they have the veracity to back up their grandiose claims.
REALITY, however boring it can be, is whats needed now...not the sweet words of potential lovers, who, as you know often say anything to get in your pants.
But the second thing there, taking any fool who will have you, don't you think that comment deserves a moment of introspection. Although you are saying it tongue in cheek, you are also denoting the kind of relationship you are willing to have.
Reality is you, yourself, not the guys who are interested in you, what are YOUR needs ? To feel loved, be loved, give love, to feel safe, to feel that you can trust the person you love? If you don't feel you can trust who you love, then can you love them? Or will you be watching them like a hawk-just waiting for the other shoe to drop?
If you were his dream woman, why did he still flirt?
I was a different man's dream woman, one who was only a friend. But he wants to be with me still. The man I'm posting about flirts to boost his ego and is always willing to be with me because I am in his estimation the best woman around him. Willing is the word, he's not romantic, as I said. But he will give up others for me because he knows I am a good woman.
I could tell him that I don't want to be disrespected and if he wants me it's me and no one else and he must prove himself first. I could tell him there are competitors but have a hard time saying that for some reason. It sounds bad maybe.
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forum helps calm me so I don't do something stupid. (overreact)
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