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Work on your issue before allowing another person in your life. You are doing nobody a favor by knowingly having trust related problems that they will have to deal with.
It's not fair to anyone and you are asking them to put up with it as part of the package.
Once you are in the process of working yourself out the answers to "who should I have a relationship with" will answer themselves
I was alone working on myself for almost 2 years. I made friends and dated etc, but no sex because I won't outside of a committed relationship. How much therapy does one need? It is waiting for nothing. Waiting until I'm "fixed" ? I improved on many of my issues, I worked hard to change and had some success, still not perfect. It's a crock "just be alone until you find yourself or work out your issues or find the right man" That is probably how people end up alone. I choose not to put my life on hold as I had in the past and I choose to have a partner. I am no less and no more messed up than people who get in relationships everyday. This mentality is of I am not relationship worthy and not ready is bs. I don't buy it , I lived it, I tried it and I can work on myself , we are all works in progress, while I have a man in my life. Not doing the independent woman thing anymore if I don't have to. People were meant to be in partnerships. This man knows who I am as do one of my other options (don't mean to sound cold in calling the other man an option, he is a good friend and we are attracted to each other.) The other man who wants to jump right in to relationship with me would need to get to know me. But the man I am posting about knows me well.
If your whole life is "going on hold" when you decide not to date I would be inclined to ask how deep your relationship issues really do go.
How did you seek help?
Why are you seeking relationships with people you know are not good for you?
Are you a self reliant person or do you find you always need someone else in your life to feel validated?
I was alone working on myself for almost 2 years. I made friends and dated etc, but no sex because I won't outside of a committed relationship. How much therapy does one need? It is waiting for nothing. Waiting until I'm "fixed" ? I improved on many of my issues, I worked hard to change and had some success, still not perfect. It's a crock "just be alone until you find yourself or work out your issues or find the right man" That is probably how people end up alone. I choose not to put my life on hold as I had in the past and I choose to have a partner. I am no less and no more messed up than people who get in relationships everyday. This mentality is of I am not relationship worthy and not ready is bs. I don't buy it , I lived it, I tried it and I can work on myself , we are all works in progress, while I have a man in my life. Not doing the independent woman thing anymore if I don't have to. People were meant to be in partnerships. This man knows who I am as do one of my other options (don't mean to sound cold in calling the other man an option, he is a good friend and we are attracted to each other.) The other man who wants to jump right in to relationship with me would need to get to know me. But the man I am posting about knows me well.
So the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know?
Isn't it a bit alarming that you need a forum to make a decision like this?
Don't need a forum to decide, just looking for opinions. I do have other men who are willing to get into relationship with me right away. As I type, maybe I should just date the 3 of them (no sex, I can go with out that for awhile) and see what happens, see who treats me well and who shows me they are trustworthy . . .
I was alone working on myself for almost 2 years. I made friends and dated etc, but no sex because I won't outside of a committed relationship. How much therapy does one need? It is waiting for nothing. Waiting until I'm "fixed" ? I improved on many of my issues, I worked hard to change and had some success, still not perfect. It's a crock "just be alone until you find yourself or work out your issues or find the right man" That is probably how people end up alone. I choose not to put my life on hold as I had in the past and I choose to have a partner. I am no less and no more messed up than people who get in relationships everyday. This mentality is of I am not relationship worthy and not ready is bs. I don't buy it , I lived it, I tried it and I can work on myself , we are all works in progress, while I have a man in my life. Not doing the independent woman thing anymore if I don't have to. People were meant to be in partnerships. This man knows who I am as do one of my other options (don't mean to sound cold in calling the other man an option, he is a good friend and we are attracted to each other.) The other man who wants to jump right in to relationship with me would need to get to know me. But the man I am posting about knows me well.
Why ask for advice if you have it all figured out?
You may have taken time to work on yourself, but I'm doubting how much you really learned when you tolerated such crap behavior from your ex and are considering getting back into a relationship with a different ex who didn't treat you well either. I think life is better in a partnership too, but not one with someone who cheats on you or disrespects you or drinks too much. Some people would rather be with someone who makes them miserable every day than be alone. Hey, if that's what floats your boat, then go for it.
If your whole life is "going on hold" when you decide not to date I would be inclined to ask how deep your relationship issues really do go.
How did you seek help?
Why are you seeking relationships with people you know are not good for you?
I was in therapy. Typical stuff, she talked sometimes and I talked sometimes. She asked questions about my past and we went into childhood things and different scenarios of what ifs to get me thinking. It made me more calm and happier. Hopeful though I have always been an optimist. I am in Al Anon currently also. I am not on meds.
Life is better when you have someone to share it with. Nobody is perfect. I dated and chose not to get into relationship with several men who were interested. Part of it was holding out for Mr.Perfect or something like that, not being ready maybe. It is going on hold to say I'm just going to be alone. We were not meant to be alone and I did my 2 years. Sounds like a sentence because it sucked. It's easy to be independent or say you could be when you are married. I remember the reality of it, lonely and there's no reason to live like that.
My boyfriend and I broke up. I spent some time with an ex boyfriend from a couple years ago. I was upset about my break up and called him and he took me out and we talked. He is telling me I do not have to be alone (I didn't have anyone for 2 years and I got really sick of it. Maybe I'm one of those women who can't be without a man, well obviously I can but I strongly prefer to be with one. Life is too short to be alone.) he is willing to get back in to a relationship with me.
I know I'm vulnerable. Just got cheated on (and no, for anyone reading my posts, I did not tell the husband of the girl involved.) and this ex was very flirty with women too. This adds up to me having trust issues which I will probably have with anyone but I will try not to take out what the last guy did to me on the next.
We have always loved each other. Well, I know I've always loved him. With him, I think it's more of a thinking thing, he knows I'm a good woman- at any given time I am the best one around him so he is always willing to stop dating and commit to me. I'm trying to be honest here and honest with myself. I want to focus on he knows I'm the best thing he's got , rather than the many women he flirts with. A flirt is not a cheater.
We have good chemistry, he is a hard worker, responsible and good to his family. He is a good listener , funny and patient. He is willing to marry me (in a couple years) and with our combined income and assets, we could have a secure future.
Besides that he does like to drink.
I know you guys can be harsh on here so I expect I will get all kinds of answers. That is ok. I just need someone to give me opinions. My best friend did not recommend we get back together. This is because he said I can't handle this man's flirting. I do get emotional about it. I know he wants me and has always wanted me and I am hoping that idea will help me keep my emotions under control. Thoughts?
He's not my only option and I'm really leaning towards all this "be an independent woman , be alone" stuff is BS. Been there , done that and it sucked.
I'm not sure why you bother to post these questions here.
You are repeatedly given good advice, you know why your ex boyfriend is an ex boyfriend, you refuse to work on your own issues, you know you cannot make anyone else happy unless you are happy, you just got out of one relationship where your entire focus was revenge and you are ready to jump into another relationship with a man who is an ex boyfriend that you broke up with because he is too flirty with other women.
Do you really think it is a good idea to continue to be with someone or get with them again where you already know you have issues and
who is "willing" to marry you but has not stated they "want" to marry you.
I think you like all the attention you get by causing a lot of your own unnecessary drama and your chemistry is not all that good if you cannot get past your jealousy issues and quit fighting about him being what you consider flirty with other women.
Also, the fact that you yourself have stated that you "have to have a man in your life" screams major issues right there.
If your identity is attached to some man, any man that is sad in itself then you cannot seem to figure out your own life and make your own decisions without running to a public forum to be told what to do.
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