Best way to start a relationship with a woman I see at my gym? (dating, women)
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I'm a recently divorced 40 year-old man and have been completely out of the "dating game" for the past 18 years but want to find a woman (or two) who I can date casually.
I work out at a gym where there are many attractive females in their 20's and 30's and at least one of them has caught my eye. I'm not too shy to say "hello" and strike up a short chat with her but I'm not sure which of these three approaches I should follow in the event the chat goes well:
#1) Just continue to see her in the gym, say "hi" and make small talk with her over the next few weeks/months before asking for her # or asking her out for a coffee (the slow "get to know you first" approach).
#2) Just ask for her # the first or second time I talk to her and then ask her out in the first phone chat or text conversation.
#3) Just bring up meeting for coffee when I see her in the gym and try setting a date with her before even asking for her phone number.
As it's a gym and she's there to workout, you need to respect that she's not primarily there to pick up a man. Being too assertive can make it uncomfortable for her, especially since it's a place you both go to at the same time most days and are bound to see each other frequently. If you do greet her, make sure it's not in the middle of her workout, and if you see she's leaving, don't chase her across the room to make it obvious what you're up to.
I'd also recommend being aware of social cues. That's one thing I see a lot here, many are oblivious to social cues, the facial expressions and body language that tell you if they're open to conversing with you. If you say hi and she doesn't speak, there's a clue. If you say hi and she says hello back and averts her eyes, there's another clue. If she says hello back, smiles and keeps eye contact, another clue. Can you read the clues?
There are so many non-verbal ways that can tell someone to approach or leave alone. Don't be the guy so caught up in what he wants that he's oblivious to what she wants or doesn't want.
In my few times at the gym, I've noticed that they can be meat markets. So most women working out are probably wary of direct approaches. Take your time. Initiate a conversation that is innocuous. If she's interested, she'll up the ante.
I think Liberty's advice was great too, but especially the part about reading her cues. If she doesn't give off "interested" vibes, I wouldn't ask. Not that rejection is bad, but in a gym situation, there is a very limited amount of asking out you can do - don't be the guy who asks out every pretty girl in the gym, as this is too small an environment to "shop" in and you'll get a reputation as the creepy guy who asks out everyone, and then no one will accept (yes, women gab in the locker room). Talk to as many as you want, but only ask out the one who appears receptive.
I wouldn't be psyched about a guy trying to pick me up at the gym...especially one who is recently divorced, and now wants to start a collection of women he can casually date. A guy who has a genuine interest in me might be one thing, but I wouldn't like what you described. Maybe you should try online dating so you can make your preference for casual known ahead of time.
I'm a 20-something who goes to the gym regularly. I would not want to be approached by men while I am there to work out and feel comfortable doing so. I especially wouldn't want to be approached by a man 15 years older than me either. I've been hit on by older men at the gym and its extremely uncomfortable. I have to try to avoid them. It's awkward.
when people go to the gym, you will see two types of people working out.
1. the hard core work out, get in, get out people
2. the people that consider the gym a social activity and seek attention there.
If you are really set on approaching a woman at the gym, don't overthink it.
Sooner rather than later, chat her up a little bit and gage her response. If she brushes you off, take the hint. If she is willing to chat about her workout routine or whatever you strike up, then ask her to coffee or a snack after the gym.
I personally don't approach women at the gym.
Curious how this goes.
I'm a 20-something who goes to the gym regularly. I would not want to be approached by men while I am there to work out and feel comfortable doing so. I especially wouldn't want to be approached by a man 15 years older than me either. I've been hit on by older men at the gym and its extremely uncomfortable. I have to try to avoid them. It's awkward.
THIS, is why I don't approach women a the gym.
Who feels comfortable all sweated up and nasty chatting someone you don't know... "oh, excuse me, while I wipe this sweat off."
Yea, sexy. haha. sometimes it has a place, but the gym, while hitting on someone you don't already know? I'll pass.
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