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Look.... ingeneral women like to shop more than men, right? In general men like hot rods and fast cars. Ingeneral women have a tendency to show emotions quicker than men. In general men have a tendency to be emotionally more distant. In general men tend to build things, such as cabinets etc etc. In general women tend to nurture more than men. In general women seem to appreciate interior design or things of that nature. In general men commit more violent crimes than women do. In general men do......... In general women do......
I totally get your intention here, Chow, and it's definitely well-meaning, but it does bring up the issue of nature versus nurture. Most of what's on your list here you could argue isn't inherent to being a man or being a woman, it's what society has determined are roles for the genders. Plenty of men have never built or fixed anything in their lives, and plenty of women have learned to be handy. The chores you do don't determine your gender. Everyone has emotions, say, but when a little girl who's hurt is cuddled and told that it's okay to cry, while a little boy who's hurt gets told to get up, shake it off, and be a big boy, that's training, that's not biology or psychology or whatever. People are different from other people, but not necessarily because of what's between their legs.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 12-11-2013 at 09:10 AM..
I totally get your intention here, Chow, and it's definitely well-meaning, but it does bring up the issue of nature versus nurture. Most of what's on your list here you could argue isn't inherent to being a man or being a woman, it's what society has determined are roles for the genders. Plenty of men have never built or fixed anything in their lives, and plenty of women have learned to be handy. The chores you do don't determine your gender. Everyone has emotions, say, but when a little girl who's hurt is cuddled and told that it's okay to cry, while a little boy who's hurt gets told to get up, shake it off, and be a big boy, that's training, that's not biology or psychology or whatever.
True and I get what your sayin... but it's not the point of the thread.
The point was to not knock the differences between us... how ever the differnces come.
An example of my point was say for a man to say to another man.
"Hey, you know how women are, they can't........" fill in the blank with withever nasty stereotypical comment a man would say...
That was simply all I was trying to do... I just worded it in a way that made the arguement focus on whether the differences between the sexes were legit and it turned into how it is awful I'm grouping people together, etc etc etc.
True and I get what your sayin... but it's not the point of the thread.
The point was to not knock the differences between us... how ever the differnces come.
An example of my point was say for a man to say to another man.
"Hey, you know how women are, they can't........" fill in the blank with withever nasty stereotypical comment a man would say...
That was simply all I was trying to do... I just worded it in a way that made the arguement focus on whether the differences between the sexes were legit and it turned into how it is awful I'm grouping people together, etc etc etc.
Anyways......
I think what Chow is trying to say here is - Bite Me!
Someone would have thought that this was thread supporting NAMBLA or promoting female circumcision instead of embracing the differences in the opposite sex....... albeit loosely defined differences... LOL....
The problem with the thread (and people do tend to get a bit sensitive around this board) is you should have just left the title and not tried to describe what you meant. Had the topic just been "Why do we fight the differences, instead of just accepting them, or better yet, embracing them???" I doubt there would be such controversy. By adding the generalities it just opens a can of worms.
Can you imagine if the topic was changed ever so slightly to "Why do we fight the differences, instead of just accepting them, or better yet, embracing them???" and you made it about race? And then went on to describe various generalities you believed, you can imagine the backlash. I think making it about gender generalizations is almost as controversial.
The problem with the thread (and people do tend to get a bit sensitive around this board) is you should have just left the title and not tried to describe what you meant. Had the topic just been "Why do we fight the differences, instead of just accepting them, or better yet, embracing them???" I doubt there would be such controversy. By adding the generalities it just opens a can of worms.
Can you imagine if the topic was changed ever so slightly to "Why do we fight the differences, instead of just accepting them, or better yet, embracing them???" and you made it about race? And then went on to describe various generalities you believed, you can imagine the backlash. I think making it about gender generalizations is almost as controversial.
Is this thread really a problem I mean there have been worse and over rather trivial matters. The only "problem" I noticed was apparently you can't slightly disagree with a popular poster.
Like you said there is nothing wrong with not fighting differences and embracing them but by posting the generalities it defeated the purpose of the message. I said earlier a behavior I attribute to some is there behavior I don't attach to their sex. I think others might feel differently about this and a find fault with my view but that is alright.
I disagreement or slight view of it is not a matter of "controversy" or a "can of worms" it is a different view.
Is this thread really a problem I mean there have been worse and over rather trivial matters. The only "problem" I noticed was apparently you can't slightly disagree with a popular poster.
This.
Quote:
Like you said there is nothing wrong with not fighting differences and embracing them
Indeed. More strongly, appreciating other people's difference is important to ALL interpersonal interaction, none more so that marriage.
I was just having a convo with Mrs. Chow and in the convo, it came up about working out.
I was joking around about sometimes it's cool to be on a weight bench with about 250 pound on your chest and you have to "man up" and pump that bad boy up... you know... bench pressing...... it's a fav for men to do... women don't do it.. but any ways.. the greater thought is how women and men are different.
Mrs. Chow laughed and talked about liking aerobics and yoga, and feeling light and stretched, and things of that order....
I think.. men and women sometimes get at a crossroads because we basically have differing views.. I know I'm talking about working out here, but it's metaphoric for other things...
Lets accept that women and men are different... let's not try and change it... just revel in the differences.
There is a word called synergy.
That is the definition of what men and women are...
It would be far easier to do this if more people get out of the mentality that different means inferior, especially when it comes to gender. But as it stands right now, undesirable traits such as indirectness, passive-aggressiveness, the inability to control emotions, complaining, nagging and timidity are often times associated with women and their very genitalia. While manning up and growing a pair are often associated with desirable traits such as courage, mental and emotional toughness, being calm under pressure, ambition and leadership in general. We have assigned specific genders to character traits that in reality no know gender. It's funny because I've heard dudes complain about how ladies don't act like ladies anymore, well what do you expect when femininity is far too commonly associated with fragility? No one male or female wants seen as weak.
Keep in mind, the traits I mention that should not be gender specific are core character traits that define who you are as a person. I realize that more men are probably into sports, cars, video games and other technologies than women. And I realize that more women are probably into shopping and fashion than men but these are all superficial interest that don't define a person's character like the traits I discussed earlier.
It would be far easier to do this if more people get out of the mentality that different means inferior, especially when it comes to gender. But as it stands right now, undesirable traits such as indirectness, passive-aggressiveness, the inability to control emotions, complaining, nagging and timidity are often times associated with women and their very genitalia. While manning up and growing a pair are often associated with desirable traits such as courage, mental and emotional toughness, being calm under pressure, ambition and leadership in general. We have assigned specific genders to character traits that in reality no know gender. It's funny because I've heard dudes complain about how ladies don't act like ladies anymore, well what do you expect when femininity is far too commonly associated with fragility? No one male or female wants seen as weak.
Keep in mind, the traits I mention that should not be gender specific are core character traits that define who you are as a person. I realize that more men are probably into sports, cars, video games and other technologies than women. And I realize that more women are probably into shopping and fashion than men but these are all superficial interest that don't define a person's character like the traits I discussed earlier.
Exactly the difference stuff is only inferior to people because certain traits are seen as men and women instead of just traits. In seen this from both the guys you mention as ladies that don't act like "ladies" and ladies with the men not being "men". We can't celebrate differences if we are going to have traits be a monopoly to based on a persons sex.
Even if we are going to be superficial about it there is some much over lap that even that is muddled.
Exactly the difference stuff is only inferior to people because certain traits are seen as men and women instead of just traits. In seen this from both the guys you mention as ladies that don't act like "ladies" and ladies with the men not being "men". We can't celebrate differences if we are going to have traits be a monopoly to based on a persons sex.
Even if we are going to be superficial about it there is some much over lap that even that is muddled.
Good points. These days, a lot of women don't cook, and some men really enjoy cooking. Some men are very nurturing, and those child-free women are that way because they're not into nurturing kids. A lot of these "traits" are in a state of flux. And frankly, I've never known a guy who was good at fixing things, building things, or taking care of the car. They always paid people to do that.
But if people couldn't appreciate whatever differences there were between their SO and themselves, they wouldn't get married, right? Embracing the differences is kind of what marriage is about, isn't it?
I think what Chow is trying to say here is - Bite Me!
Bite Me gently......
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