Do I tell him or do I not tell him? (wives, advice)
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You wouldn't tell your friend if he asked you and if he asked for details?
If my friend asked me, then yes--I would tell him. But, if I told him and he asked for more details, I would politely decline and tell him that he needs to talk to his GF/fiance. Call it what you want, but I'm not about to go there with my friend. It's really none of his business what happened between a woman (who happened to become his SO) and I. But that's just me--I don't kiss and tell to start with.
my circle of friends has a few stories like this, so they exists. they simply aren't drama packed enough to be posted
i view inter-dating among friends as inevitable. it's very common among people i know. sure sometimes it backfires but just about anything can backfire
not nearly as dangerous as screwing your secretary, etc
Then you would be a perfect candidate to start such a thread!
Maybe list how long the 'couple was friends before, how long relations lasted, and if there was any fallout afterwards.
Also, did either person have issues bringing around new s/o post FWB situation?
I am sincerely curious. It is my IME that usually one person develops feelings or any number of issues present themself.
It could be a break from the negativity that the OP experienced in such a situation, and perhaps shed some light on how people DO function happily afterwards with little drama. Just an idea.... or not.
Get real. Men always tell their male friends about their sexual conquest. "Locker room" talk if you will.
First of all - no, not all men tell other men every detail of their sex lives. Maybe when they are 18 but definitely not when they are talking about serious relationships. And furthermore - this wasn't a conversation the day after some crazy, mind blowing sex act with someone unknown to the friend. This was Sam telling Robert extreme details about sleeping with his fiancee. That's just wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks
He asked the other guy to be the best man in his wedding, so it would seem they have some type of close friendship. And I would definitely tell one of my close male friends that I had sleep with a women he was about to marry.
It's one thing to tell him that you slept with her - it's quite another to tell how many times, in what positions, etc.
I can't believe all the posts and responses. I did read everything but there's no way I can respond to all of them but I will to a few.
First though, I want to clear up something. Robert did NOT set me up like some of you said. He was considering asking Sam to be best man - they're very tight. So Rob didn't invent the best man thing to trap me. He's just not that sort of guy.
To Dport7674. You said "If a woman jumps in to bed with one guy, but then later on makes you wait, it means she likes you and doesn't want you to think she was too easy, the first guy was just a fun time..But the fiance won't ever see it that way." You're right. Rob does NOT see it that way at all
To 14Bricks: Yes I know that guys talk - especially about conquests. But I don't agree that I went with Sam cause he was a bad boy. He's not. He's a bit of a player (and Rob is not) but decent enough (though Rob is way more decent...!)
Also to 14Bricks. You're right again. In Rob's eyes even though he hasn't actually said it, he may not think he's getting the better deal. Even though I'd like to think that he is!!
To Ascension2012: That's not really fair. It's not like I have a history of "give it up freely to losers within 15 minutes of meeting them, and then have your future beta husband walk around with blue balls" Sometimes a person can have desires in the short term and find a guy that fits the bill. That is not to say that I would necessarily consider marrying that same guy.
But you are right that I wanted Rob to see me as a "conservative woman with limited experience and limited past partners." I didn't do it maliciously but I know see for sure how it was absolutely wrong.
The answer to 'Why did Sam tell Robert?' is 'Bros before hoes'.
Sam did Robert a favor by exposing the OP as a liar before the wedding. Had the OP been truthful with Robert, he would have at least had the choice to continue the relationship knowing that his fiancee was a reformed woman of formerly loose morals, or to drop her for being less desirable due to her sexual history.
PS - to the OP, my comment may come off as somewhat harsh but perhaps Robert can forgive you - he does seem like a good guy and he was in love with you enough to offer to marry you. Your story makes for a cautionary tale to those who think that there is such a thing as 'free love' or that deceit is the easiest course. Actions have consequences.
You might consider setting a time to 'clear the air' with Robert - offer to answer any question, once. Apologize, once. Then bury the issue.
The only real problem is that you weren't entirely honest with him - do that and you might remove the issue. Then, of course, you should be honest with him for the rest of your lives.
Good luck.
Last edited by Reactionary; 08-06-2013 at 03:44 PM..
To Tele-Cat: No, you're wrong because I AM sorry and not because I got caught. I know I was being self serving but I did it because I really really want things to work out for Rob and me. So I amabsolutely sorry and I've told that to Rob many times
To MarcAllen242: I wasn't really "seeing them both at the same time." I was never actually seeing Sam - it was a fwb. But I know that's a technicality. So to answer straight, I was with Sam for about a couple of weeks after my first date with Rob. I cut off the Sam thing quickly cause like I said before I saw that Rob was a keeper right away. So no, it is not like I cheated on him.
Then you would be a perfect candidate to start such a thread!
Maybe list how long the 'couple was friends before, how long relations lasted, and if there was any fallout afterwards.
Also, did either person have issues bringing around new s/o post FWB situation?
I am sincerely curious. It is my IME that usually one person develops feelings or any number of issues present themself.
It could be a break from the negativity that the OP experienced in such a situation, and perhaps shed some light on how people DO function happily afterwards with little drama. Just an idea.... or not.
no thanks. there's not much to say anyway. lots of people slept with each other and fell in love with each other, and by and large we're all still at least civil and in some cases best of friends with each other, of course with some hurt feelings here and there
if you have a bunch of young attractive people who all hang out together, some of them are going to sleep together and others will date. period. debate the wisdom of it all you want, but that's what's going to happen
CDR is like a crazy alternate dysfunctional universe that's fun to watch sometimes (and addictive for procrastination) so of course here it inevitably turns into a train wreck
To bxlefty: Your comment about a guy not wanting to wait while his buddy got it right away is exactly how Rob feels . BUT, it's not fair to say that I made Rob jump thru hoops while i ****ed around.
Mod cut: Orphaned (referenced posts have been deleted).
To Oceangaia: I ended the fwb when I started dating Rob. Rob is a wonderful lover - just different from Sam and that's not a boad thing. Also you asked if Sam has "a bigger tool." That's actually funny because Rob has him beat on that one hands down! And no, I do not lust after Sam.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-08-2013 at 03:24 PM..
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