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Men who are not monogamous & Women who are ok with it
Preface: I am not interested in expressions of faux (or legitimate) outrage over my preferred lifestyle. I am only interested in the opinions of men who are allowed extra-relational affairs and women who either permit or acquiesce to this.
Due to my career (war zone contractor), means , and disposition I don’t date one woman exclusively. I normally have a girlfriend (my main squeeze) and a few women on the side that range from quasi sugarbabbies to FBs. ***I don't explicitly pay for sex but I do pay for exotic vacations (weekends in Paris and Puerto Rico and Spring Breaks on Kho Samui) and expensive dinners followed by bottle service in the clubs.***
I had a beautiful Moldovan/Ukrainian woman for five years who did not bother me about this as long as she was my number one priority. Our relationship was not based on money although I supported her 100%. In many parts of the world, it is expected that a wealthy and successful man have a mistress or two. Going to the sauna with the boys is an accepted male activity.
It’s hard to quantify to an American—but it’s a sort of see no evil speak no evil compromise. You can’t disrespect your woman by having others see another in her stead and you can’t take from her hand and give to another. Thus, it’s not a choice between vacation for your number 1 and tuition for the mistress. It’s having both. I firmly believe that if you can’t afford a mistress you should not have one. Men who make their families sacrifice for their mistresses are unmanly and incorrect—business before pleasure.
It’s perfectly normal and even expected for a successful man to help out young female students in many places in Latin America and Europe. In France, Italy, and Spain, it is perfectly acceptable for leaders in commerce and government to take a young female graduate under his wing. Think of the disgraced former head of IMF and near French President.
In America I am having a harder time getting the girls that I date to accept this. At best, I find that some don’t ask questions, but I don’t lie to women, and when they ask who my “friend” is they often become upset.
My question is: men whose wives don’t bust their balls over a little sugar on the side and women who don’t look or don’t mind, how do you come to this understanding?
Men who are not monogamous & Women who are ok with it
Preface: I am not interested in expressions of faux (or legitimate) outrage over my preferred lifestyle. I am only interested in the opinions of men who are allowed extra-relational affairs and women who either permit or acquiesce to this.
Due to my career (war zone contractor), means , and disposition I don’t date one woman exclusively. I normally have a girlfriend (my main squeeze) and a few women on the side that range from quasi sugarbabbies to FBs. ***I don't explicitly pay for sex but I do pay for exotic vacations (weekends in Paris and Puerto Rico and Spring Breaks on Kho Samui) and expensive dinners followed by bottle service in the clubs.***
I had a beautiful Moldovan/Ukrainian woman for five years who did not bother me about this as I long as she was my number one priority. Our relationship was not based on money although I supported her 100%. In many parts of the world, it is expected that a wealthy and successful man have a mistress or two. Going to the sauna with the boys is an accepted male activity.
It’s hard to quantify to an American—but it’s a sort of see no evil speak no evil compromise. You can’t disrespect your woman by having others see another in her stead and you can’t take from her hand and give to another. Thus, it’s not a choice between vacation for your number 1 and tuition for the mistress. It’s having both. I firmly believe that if you can’t afford a mistress you should not have one. Men who make their families sacrifice for their mistresses are unmanly and incorrect—business before pleasure.
It’s perfectly normal and even expected for a successful man to help out young female students in many places in Latin America and Europe. In France, Italy, and Spain, it is perfectly acceptable for leaders in commerce and government to take a young female graduate under his wing. Think of the disgraced former head of IMF and near French President.
In America I am having a harder time getting the girls that I date to accept this. At best, I find that some don’t ask questions, but I don’t lie to women, and when they ask who my “friend” is they often become upset. My question is: men whose wives don’t bust their balls over a little sugar on the side and women who don’t look or don’t mind, how do you come to this understanding?
Thanks.
I don't think you are going to find that here. Are you looking for validation or trying to start a reasonable conversation?
My question is: men whose wives don’t bust their balls over a little sugar on the side and women who don’t look or don’t mind, how do you come to this understanding?
Any woman that is attractive and that has anything to offer a man in a relationship would never settle for an arrangment like the one described - and she would not be pursueded by assurances that because it happens in other countries like in Europe that she should just be fine with it.
If a woman were to find a situation like that acceptable then at the very least:
She is not really into the guy that is getting a "little sugar on the side".
She is not interested in being in a relationship that involves emotional exclusivity and/or sexual fidelity: once again basically not really being into the guy. Emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity require monogamy.
And the type of woman that would engage in a scenario like that more than likely has low self-esteem and some ingrained issues that she has not come to terms with, and she is willing to subject herself to that nonsense.
As a guy, I am attracted to women that are worthy of the attention that I give them in a relationship and by default they are women that are attractive enough and unique enough to be able to require a level of committment that a relationship requires. Basically, I wouldn't want to be with a woman that would be ok with me trying to maintain "sugar on the side" relationships in addition to being with her.
Any woman that is attractive and that has anything to offer a man in a relationship would never settle for an arrangment like the one described - and she would not be pursueded by assurances that because it happens in other countries like in Europe that she should just be fine with it.
If a woman were to find a situation like that acceptable then at the very least:
She is not really into the guy that is getting a "little sugar on the side".
She is not interested in being in a relationship that involves emotional exclusivity and/or sexual fidelity: once again basically not really being into the guy. Emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity require monogamy.
And the type of woman that would engage in a scenario like that more than likely has low self-esteem and some ingrained issues that she has not come to terms with, and she is willing to subject herself to that nonsense.
As a guy, I am attracted to women that are worthy of the attention that I give them in a relationship and by default they are women that are attractive enough and unique enough to be able to require a level of commitment that a relationship requires. Basically, I wouldn't want to be with a woman that would be ok with me trying to maintain "sugar on the side" relationships in addition to being with her.
Thanks for your thoughts but please do not speak in certainties.
There are tens of thousands--maybe more--of women that are in relationships where this occurs. I think it's more of a don't ask the the question because you are afraid of the answer in this country though.
My gf loved me dearly and only left me because I would not marry her..a very bad mistake on my part. She never cheated on me even when we broke up for a month or two. You can cast aspersions form the cyber peanut gallery all you like but I know the truth.
I do agree that hot, smart, and rich women don't normally go for this in the US.
Anyway, I am looking for suggestions on how to enable this not condemnations.
When a man is confident, rational, has self worth and a logical life philosophy guiding his behavior and actions - he does not need more than one woman. And when he finds a woman that is the ideal of what he was looking for, he loves her, looks in her eyes as if she was the only woman on Earth and does not need to artificially inflate his fragile sense of worth by attempting to get her to go along with a charade like having "sugar on the side".
Any woman that would go for that is either not attractive and/or very desperate.
If you're supporting your 'main squeeze' 100% then that's probably the reason she's okay with you getting tail on the side. If she says she doesn't like it, you'll pull the plug on her lifestyle.
As for me, I can understand why some people would prefer this arrangement (as long as your girls are allowed to have flings as well) but for me it wouldn't work. Monogamy is important to me and I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend/husband screwing other women on the side, but this is just a personal opinion.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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It's not that unusual in other countries. I mean polygamy was pretty common in many societies. I'm not saying I approve, but if they're consenting adults and no kids are involved who are we to bash the lifestyle?
If you're supporting your 'main squeeze' 100% then that's probably the reason she's okay with you getting tail on the side. If she says she doesn't like it, you'll pull the plug on her lifestyle.
As for me, I can understand why some people would prefer this arrangement (as long as your girls are allowed to have flings as well) but for me it wouldn't work. Monogamy is important to me and I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend/husband screwing other women on the side, but this is just a personal opinion.
No, my woman must be monogamous. Is it a double standard, yes. But it is what it is.
Well, my main squeeze must be...the vacation babes and party girls I could care less about.
It's not about the money in the sense that you think it is. It's just having a woman that's confident enough in herself to know that her great catch, when on the road, is likely to have company and to not that their bond will not be severed by some young woman's nether regions.
In my case, my lady was less concerned about one night stands than she was with semi-permanent gfs.
However, in my encounters, it normally happens with successful intelligent people. People who are ok with challenging the norms of society...as in the rules dont apply to me type folks or at least ask why such and such is a rule.
In any event, i dont want to get off topic. I want to hear from others how this works in the States and how they achieved this.
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