Would a girl with an eating disorder be considered "damaged" goods? (single, pregnant)
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Honestly fair or not, alot of men just see the phrase "eating disorder" and just automatically think
"Crazy girl who Starves her self and or throws up on purpose to look better. I'm gonna stay away from that"
Whether its justified or not
That's true - but that's assuming you know someone has an eating disorder before you get to know them.
I wouldn't blame someone for not wanting to have to deal with someone with an eating disorder. It's really tough. I've struggled with one and I've watched many friends struggle with them as well. It's hard because most people with eating disorders don't necessarily WANT to get better. I'm not saying that it's wise to get involved with someone with an eating disorder - merely that it's not necessary to say cruel things about them. And like I said - I must have been worth it to the men that loved me through my struggle.
An eating disorder is just the manifestation of underlying issues, it's not really about changing the way you look just like people who wash their hands until they bleed aren't trying to get clean and people who cut themselves aren't doing it because they want scars.
It's maybe not the best idea to start a relationship with someone who is at a point at which they should be putting most of their focus and energy into battling their disease. And though no one is ever fully "cured" of these sort of conditions, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't date someone who has gotten their disease under control.
I doubt models would be considered "damaged goods."
If a person had an ED and were obese on the other hand, like Jerry Springer style obese, I don't think people would see them as damaged goods. Probably just not a turn-on for most, considering people want to be around those who know how to take good care of themselves.
Who wouldn't want to be around someone who respects themselves enough not to abuse their own bodies?
But, if someone were to judge another person as "damaged goods" based on something as benign as an ED, then they're not worth your time. If they were damaged goods as in having a past history (rapist/child molester), something to the extreme of actually harming somebody else, then totally legit for not wanting date them for obvious reasons.
For me, it's the degree/intensity of how a person harms themselves and harm others which makes a person someone I wouldn't want to date, aka with a ten foot pole.
That's true - but that's assuming you know someone has an eating disorder before you get to know them.
I wouldn't blame someone for not wanting to have to deal with someone with an eating disorder. It's really tough. I've struggled with one and I've watched many friends struggle with them as well. It's hard because most people with eating disorders don't necessarily WANT to get better. I'm not saying that it's wise to get involved with someone with an eating disorder - merely that it's not necessary to say cruel things about them. And like I said - I must have been worth it to the men that loved me through my struggle.
I'm so happy that you're healthy now, Dew, and I hope you, or others here, aren't taking my comments as aimed at you. Between my man telling me what it was like, reading that journal for several years, seeing two of my friends battle with EDs, and focusing some of my work in that area, I'm trying to drive home the severity of what eating disorders do to the body and how most people just aren't equipped to handle what happens when a loved one develops one. As with addiction and alcoholism, all too often, people think it's something they can help someone else through, or that the person can just quit if only they were "strong enough" or "had willpower."
The truth is that a lay person (for want of a better term, meaning someone who is not health care or mental health professional) taking it upon himself or herself to try to help cure a loved one of an ED is like a lay person trying to help a loved one cure cancer. As with addiction, it's fine and helpful to be supportive of someone in treatment, or to take steps to get that person into treatment, but more often than not, people end up enabling, excusing, or blaming the person for his or her actions. Eating disorders are diseases, and while they don't have the potential to take other victims down with them like addiction would if someone gets behind the wheel under the influence, they can and do have devastating consequences on relationships and families.
In the journal I mentioned earlier, the writer talked about getting into therapy, himself. He had a hard time coping with his feelings of helplessness and anger. He was angry at a lot of people, not just his girlfriend. He was angry at everyone from the people in her life that caused her trauma, which may have been what caused her ED (there is some evidence to suggest a connection between past trauma and the development of EDs), to innocent third parties who inadvertently enabled or encouraged her, to web hosts that allowed "pro-ana" journals and websites on their servers. The whole experience scarred him to the point where whenever he saw a woman with a water bottle, he thought of his girlfriend puking.
I'm so happy that you're healthy now, Dew, and I hope you, or others here, aren't taking my comments as aimed at you. Between my man telling me what it was like, reading that journal for several years, seeing two of my friends battle with EDs, and focusing some of my work in that area, I'm trying to drive home the severity of what eating disorders do to the body and how most people just aren't equipped to handle what happens when a loved one develops one. As with addiction and alcoholism, all too often, people think it's something they can help someone else through, or that the person can just quit if only they were "strong enough" or "had willpower."
The truth is that a lay person (for want of a better term, meaning someone who is not health care or mental health professional) taking it upon himself or herself to try to help cure a loved one of an ED is like a lay person trying to help a loved one cure cancer. As with addiction, it's fine and helpful to be supportive of someone in treatment, or to take steps to get that person into treatment, but more often than not, people end up enabling, excusing, or blaming the person for his or her actions. Eating disorders are diseases, and while they don't have the potential to take other victims down with them like addiction would if someone gets behind the wheel under the influence, they can and do have devastating consequences on relationships and families.
In the journal I mentioned earlier, the writer talked about getting into therapy, himself. He had a hard time coping with his feelings of helplessness and anger. He was angry at a lot of people, not just his girlfriend. He was angry at everyone from the people in her life that caused her trauma, which may have been what caused her ED (there is some evidence to suggest a connection between past trauma and the development of EDs), to innocent third parties who inadvertently enabled or encouraged her, to web hosts that allowed "pro-ana" journals and websites on their servers. The whole experience scarred him to the point where whenever he saw a woman with a water bottle, he thought of his girlfriend puking.
No - your comments weren't the ones that I found cruel or mean.
Although I struggled for a long time (and will always struggle though not to the same extent), I never had to be hospitalized and I was always able to function. My "bad" times might have lasted a lot longer than some of my friends - but I had many friends that had it much worse than I did. Many of them had to be hospitalized. Luckily, all of ones that I am still in contact with are doing fine. One of them had a baby shortly before I did. And I was very relieved that I was able to get pregnant so easily and that my body doesn't seem to have suffered any lasting damage.
I do agree with you in that it is really hard to love someone who has a severe problem. But I don't think that someone who is doing fairly well should be regarded as damaged goods or anyone with a problem should be looked down upon.
There is this girl at the park(I take my son there) that I KNOW has an eating disorder. She is so bony and sick looking, and she runs for like three hours, continuously, and it's really sick. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but everytime I see her I shudder, I've never seen a human being as thin, gauntly, and as sick as she looks. If I were a guy I would not date a woman that had an ED to that extent. She has a child, so I'm assuming her "so" has to know.
Anyway, back to the topic. I know a lot of women that have struggled with ED's at one point in their lives. I used to starve myself, etc. I got myself together and stopped. I never know any guy that would reject a woman that had a PAST ed, or that was struggling with eating as long as she still looked "healthy". My "so" did tell me when he first met me, that he would not date a woman that had an ED because he thinks they are stupid and insecure(throwing up or starving yourself just to lose weight?).
I find that people who make these generalized statements are so far outa touch with people its not even funny. I know most are trolls, reading a story somewhere and then bringing it here to try and start up more traffic on CD, but, how demeaning some of these supposed questions, info threads are. They never stop to think how their so called innocent questions affect so many people negatively. I feel really sorry that some people's intellect lies so low in the realm of reality that they think they are just creating little info threads and no one should be offended. they should all be taken back to kindegarten for sensitivity training.
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