Am I wrong to not want to date Damaged Goods? (married, men)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Bear in mind that mental illness can develop at any time; in fact, 30 is the average age of onset for many types of mental health disorders. So you might fall in love with the goods before they become "damaged." you could also develop mental illness yourself.
Full disclosure: I've got ADD (with mild OCD and anxiety issues tied into it) and some issues with depression. But I'd have to say most mentally healthy women (and many of those who aren't) would avoid you - you're a little too fragile for if the going gets tough, ya know? Not to mention, I suspect you have some control issues of your own based on the rigidity of your outlook.
I've got some mental health issues - that's true. But they're pretty mild and they've ultimately made me stronger. I'm the person my friends and family turn to in times of crisis because I can function pretty well in those moments. Whether they need last-minute help moving or somebody went to the emergency room or a noncustodial parent kidnapped their child, I'm the one they call (and I'm the one who found the kidnapped kid). I've been tested, and I've come out on the other side doing pretty damn good. I've got no interest in someone who hasn't weathered any challenges.
The things you just disclosed put you into the interesting person category - not the "Damaged Goods" category. If the OP can't see the difference?
Hey man, you're entitled to any standards you set for someone you want to date, so stick to it. I think its important to remember that humans are imperfect, and every single human being will have some baggage, if not now than later on down the road and that includes yourself. You have every right not to want to date someone with mental issues or someone who sees a shrink, although seeing a shrink shouldnt really carry a stigma it still apparently does. Even the healthiest and most mentaly sound could benefit from a shrink session every now and then. I have pretty high standards for the women i date as well, although they are a little different than yours.
Doesn't the fact that you yourself rarely run into women like that, tell you that they are rare?
Maybe the other guys you're listening to have no clue?
Personally I have met a few women in my life with some of the issues you've mentioned - and just as many men with similar issues. But the vast majority of people I've met and been friends with and cared about and socialized with haven't had any of those issues...
So yeah, definitely an exception and not the rule!
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
I "get" a few of these (mental issues), but the others you are going to find even in the best family circles/upbringings!
By that token, odds are pretty good you already know lots of people in your platonic relationships, family relationships, coworker relationships, etc. who have mental health issues...including probably many where it's such a small part of their lives you don't even realize it is there.
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
You're only in your 20's. How hard can it be to find happy, well-adjusted, single women??
Well clearly they're including a lot of people with very minor problems.
It's your life, and if you want to label 20% of the population as damaged goods, just because they might have a minor issue? That's your choice. But it seems like a really negative way to think, and it will definitely turn off a lot of people...
Sheesh, good thing you aren't talking about people. Actually, it's a good thing your list is long because us women wouldn't want to be dating such damaged "goods" as your rigid, myopic, prejudiced thinking indicates.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
