Man I've been dating for a few months lied about divorce

[hatgirl007]

THere's no better way to start a potential relationship with lies and 1/2 truths.
He doesn't sound like a winner. People who are going through divorce aren't in an emotional place to look for something serious - they have to work through a lot. Death of a relationship, wild freedom as a single person, being confortable with himself, helping the children adjust to different people and parenting styles.

Let this liar go. Why are you stressing someone you just met with all this going on, no time for you, and with major family issues?

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by darrensmooth

yeah this is a victim-less crime in terms of the marriage partners, neither of them want to be married so I don't think it matters that its not officially over yet.

I agree with this idea, but I still don't like the lying about it part. The truth "the divorce papers have been filed but there are some complications/issues" is the best way.

It doesn't matter what a lie is about, it's the lying part that tends to upset most people. Remember as a kid when your mom would tell you it didn't matter what you did, just never lie about it because that's what would upset her more? I think that's what a lot of people here are getting at.

I met my SO when I was separated. My ex had cheated on me, amongst other issues we had, and the marriage was over. I made sure my SO knew the story the second night we saw each other. I just had to finish putting in the required waiting time until the divorce could be finalized. I didn't feel married anymore, only the law said I was. But my status, if anyone asked, was "separated" not "married" and not "divorced".

[Kansarado]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

I met a man on the NJ transit, on my way to meet another guy I was dating. Long story short, I wind up taking his number and breaking it off with the other guy I was seeing. He's a train conductor working 55 hours a week.

He seems really kind and generous. Upfront he told me that he was divorced with two small children (4 and 6), but had a good relationship with his ex. He didn't seem to have a lot of time and we spent the first few months interacting mainly over phone call and texts, daily. Finally we started hanging out on a regular basis, but I told him I had doubts about it working out because he seems to work so much and has his children half the week. He told me to not give up on the two of us, and that he would make more time for me.

We had a great night last night, going out to dinner and to his local bar. Then he told me he was stressed, saying his divorce was getting delayed because his wife had misfiled the paperwork in an offhand manner. I said, "I thought you were already divorced." He stammered for a bit and said, "Oh well, the paperwork's in there."

This really isn't a huge deal to me, since I know he is fully separated and not with her (she lives in a condo with another man)...but why did he just not say that his divorce wasn't final yet. Why just say he was divorced, when he wasn't yet? This is really bothering me.

Basically, if I can break it down from a different mentality, I would say, that if you are givin it up, he is takin it.

And after that, it is what it is and he may very well be over his head. If it turns out that he is lying about his divorce, then your future interactions could cause this man substantial problems in his life, ranging from his finances to his children and several other aspects that are ultimately out of his control.

I would say that he does bear some of the responsibility, but you are appealing to his biggest weakness.

It's hard for even the most committed man not to be hypnotized by a seductive female that aggressively approaches him. It clouds our minds and we often put our morals to the side, no matter how resiliant and disciplined we may be.

A female posseses so much power. In just their body language alone, they can control a man's eyes and dictate his thoughts or at least know that his thoughts are focused on their body movements.

So, you can't put it past him to be lying about the whole thing. You got to think about the situation from the start.

My recommendation is that you consider what got you in this situation in the first place, and try to remember if you were given an out.

Also, I would say that if you think back on the situation and you feel stupidity, guilt, remorse and a variety of other emotions that relate to actions that you felt you shouldn't have done in the first place, you got to recoginize that you got a problem, and then you got to resolve that problem.

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by LS Jaun

"victim-less crime" You hit the nail on the head! I think the people that get up and make such a stink over this are the ones that watch too much "Desperate housewives" and Dr. Phil and chime in that "this man is a pig".

I take back what I said, It's not even a "Crime".