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I don't know if I agree with that last sentence. If she is talking about her ex at all, that means he is on her mind. If she is talking about how awful he was and how much better her current guy is, she is probably just trying to make herself believe that because she hasn't yet gotten over the ex.
That's actually a good point. From my experience with that ex-GF she mentioned, she was complaining about her ex-BF with how he was an alcoholic and going nowhere in live, but she also mentioned how good the sex was. My subsequent ex also talked about her ex, in a bad way, so learning from my experience with the previous ex, I ended that one quick.
Well, most people would mention their exes in passing for one reason or another in a conversation. They were parts of their lives after all. Too much talking about them and particularly expressing anger while doing it is a red flag, though.
This.
HOW is she talking about the ex? "Tom and I went bungee jumping one weekend", or a therapy session? If she's is rambling on like she would to her girlfriend - then to me, that's a problem.
If they talk about one in a positive way, it lets the new guy know what she expects from a relationship and that there is at least one other guy that might still want her.
If they talk about an ex negatively, it is to gain sympathy from the new guy through a mild form of triangulation and make him feel special because he is so much better than the last guy. (while leaving out what she did in the relationship to cause the ex to be that way)
If they just talk about them as the result of a break-up that was the decision of the woman involved, it is to let the new guy know that she is in charge and if he does not get in line, he will be just like the losers she discarded before.
If a women talks about them as if they are ex-boyfriends, but still current in her life (like the most recent ex still calls or texts) than it is a subtle way of implying that her vagina is so amazing that ex-boyfriends just can't let her go and still maintain contact in the hopes of being with her again and the new guy is being warned that he needs to not make the same mistakes previous guys did or he will lose access to her magical orafice.
In rare cases, a woman will mention an ex-boyfriend that is "crazy" or a "stalker" whether or not he is crazy and stalking or not, once again to let the new guy know that she is so great that without her presence their are some men that have gone "crazy" or feel the need to "stalk" her. In this scenario, it's all about her and her percieved notion of herself and little to do with the ex.
If or when a woman mentions an ex and refers to sex as not being that good (whether it was or not) is a way a woman can easily feed the ego of the new guy and lure him into her web where in addition to being able to have sex with her, he is also assured that he is way better than the last guy or guys and that alone secures his interest more and convinces him that he is in fact as sexually dynamic as she claims - while using fake or actual comparisions to the last guy and his pathetic attempts at getting her off. : I fell prey to that once when with a woman and early in the relationship she use to tell me "I'm not use to anything more than a few minutes" after I would drill her for over three hours straight, and she kept claiming that she didn't even have orgasms with other men, blah, blah, blah. Moderator cut: Keep it PG13, thanks.
If she mentions an ex after a fight or argument with the new guy, it will usually be to explain that she never had any conflicts or arguments with previous boyfriends so naturally, it's you that are the problem since all of her past relationships were so conflict-free and she got along so well with every other guy.
If she mentions a previous boyfriend in terms of his income, wealth and how much he did for you, she is casually stating some implied terms for what will be expected of you to be able to continue having the honor and privilege of being in her presence and occasionally having orgasms with her. This part is critical, since in her mind she has already set minimum occupancy standards for her vagina in terms of what you will need to do and provide on or at a level equal to or greater than the previous moron that bought into her facade.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-20-2011 at 05:21 AM..
Why can't you guys simply tell her that you will not listen to anything more than a very brief mention of ex's and that if she isn't completely over him----you are OUT!
Either she goes back to him totally or shuts up about him.
You guys need to grow a backbone. She might actually respect you for standing up for yourself.
Why can't you guys simply tell her that you will not listen to anything more than a very brief mention of ex's and that if she isn't completely over him----you are OUT!
Either she goes back to him totally or shuts up about him.
You guys need to grow a backbone. She might actually respect you for standing up for yourself.
Depends....I don't need to know or want to know. I figure any girl my age has more action I will. In fact, most women 18 have had more sex and action with the opposite sex than I.
If she talks about the number of serious bfs she has had every now and then. Fine. But if she mentions one or all of them constantly then its no good.
All right, so I just went on my 3rd outing with this girl I met on OKc & am fairly interested in. Things are going great! It was just more of the same: dinner, drinks, conversation & tons of laughs!
However, she did mention her ex a few times & a question popped into my head: why the eff is she talking about him?
So I ask you seXXXy CD Relationships Forum people: why do women talk about their exes? Is it because they're showing they have a history, that they have options? That they've had a good time before & know how to have it again, possibly with you? What?
I welcome answers from both guys & gals.
Three reasons.
1. She doesn't know that Ex'es are a big Don't Go There in First Dateland.
2. She is bringing him up to keep you at arm's length until she feels more sure about you.
3. She is giving intimate relationship history to pull you closer. She's going for "instant intimacy"
(I think this is dumb, it turns off your date, but whatever)
I talk about my x boyfriends just as much as I talk about other people on my life. They were people in my life, they are always part of my life, they are not taboo.
Well, most people would mention their exes in passing for one reason or another in a conversation. They were parts of their lives after all. Too much talking about them and particularly expressing anger while doing it is a red flag, though.
A huge red flag, indeed. And it couldn't be more unattractive.
I would add that when someone mentions the ex randomly or regularly saying things like "my ex thought... ", "my ex liked... ", "my ex and I did... ", he/she may not be 100% over with that past relationship.
Could be he/she is not over them (men do it too) but here's a couple other reasons.
To let you know what they like and what they don't like.
To let you know you are her rescuer and knight in shining armour
Something happened that was funny and he just happened to be in the story....there's a lot more, all depends on the conversation and tone.
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