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A friend was in a very similar situation - an asexual husband, but otherwise a decent guy. With his approval, she got a live-in boyfriend, and that has been working well for all of them for quite a few years now.
However, it's probably easier and far less complicated to leave him and start over. Your daughters are adults - they only need to know that you had issues and couldn't deal with them any longer. They don't need details, but let them know he wasn't abusive or anything that would harm their relationship with him.
How is the rest of the marriage? How does he treat you? I need more info before sharing my opinion. If he is in all other respects a perfect husband, I don't know if I would leave him. Have a few discreet affairs maybe, but not leave him.....especially if he makes a ton of money.
You daughters are grown and should be more than able to handle you divorcing their step-father.
My father and step-mother came very close to divorce this past year. Luckily, it looks like they have been able to work things out. They are in their mid 60s and she has been my step mother for over 25 years. It would have been sad but I'd rather them split and both be happy if that is what they would have decided to do.
What I'm trying to say is that your daughters are not small children. They will be able to handle this and I'm sure they will support you.
Why haven't you addressed this earlier? Like the first week you were married? You obviously got something out of this marriage enough to stay so long.
These questions need answers, although I'm betting the truth will not come out. If he's a workaholic, there's a possibility, over the years, that some financial assets have been amassed, and it's now a good time to end the celibacy, take the loot and live happily after with a gigolo, an opportunity to make up for lost time.
Workaholics and alcoholics wear the same clothes. The terms are interchangeable. Why pick one over the other?
I don't think being asexual is the root of your problems OP. I mean you suffered a mental break and you stated you were unhappy with this marriage. Its probably more so that you feel hes not giving you any attention or affection. He's emotionally distant so it makes you lonely. Has he always been like this or only more so as time passed or perhaps after the birth of your first kid?
Why haven't you addressed this earlier? Like the first week you were married? You obviously got something out of this marriage enough to stay so long.
If you want to get divorced then go ahead and do it. Or go to therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover
These questions need answers, although I'm betting the truth will not come out. If he's a workaholic, there's a possibility, over the years, that some financial assets have been amassed, and it's now a good time to end the celibacy, take the loot and live happily after with a gigolo, an opportunity to make up for lost time.
Workaholics and alcoholics wear the same clothes. The terms are interchangeable. Why pick one over the other?
I don't agree with either of your assumptions. But it does leave the question "why now".
You could ask an abused women the same questions and surmise the same answers.
Its not always about ulterior motives. Her family may have been her entire life and her husband the only means of financial support. Her girls are gone and the reality of aloneness struck. Some people are really this passive and self esteem that low.
Just leave if you want to, do not discuss the reasons for leaving with your children. Simply state that things did not work out. I doubt that they will ask anyway.
It is definitely NONE of your childrens' business why. If you have been unhappy, they knew anyway. You were just teaching them that it's ok to live in an unhappy relationship. They will probably respect you more for having the cajones to seek happiness for yourself. Become a strong role model for them and for yourself as well. Once you get the gumption to start making yourself happy, it's amazing how many positives just fall into place.
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Do you really think your daughters don't know what was NOT happening in the bedroom???????
