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I said that I understand that it's part of his personality and that I'll get over it.
That was a while ago and I'm questioning that decision... But you have to understand that I have no context. I mean, my male friends don't compliment me. My female friends' boyfriends don't do so in front of me. For all I knew, he was normal and I was needy.
Sorry, I didn't mean to jump down your throat.
Basically you're setting yourself up as the victim and trying to shame him into changing. That never works and it's the reason nothing changed after you talked to him about it.
'You make me feel insecure' (victim) 'I'll just have to accept that you're not the way I want you to be.' (shame)
You're also assuming that he doesn't think nice things about you just because he doesn't express them. That's an awful lot of negativity to live with. And I'm guessing you tend to communicate this way in other areas as well. Unfortunately all that's going to accomplish is making him shut down more and probably destroy this relationship and all your future relationships unless you change your communication style.
How about instead of focusing on the negative feelings that the current situation creates and trying to shame him into changing. You focus on the positive feelings that you want to achieve?
'Remember when you told me my hair smelled so good when I got out of the shower the other day? That made me feel so good! It really turns me on when you say such nice things about me! (wink)'
Now do you think he might feel a tiny bit of motivation to find other things to compliment you on?
BTW that hint of sex wasn't an accident. Hands down a woman's most powerful motivational tool for her man is subtle hints of sexuality. And when I say 'subtle' I mean SUBTLE! I don't mean whipping out a boob and teasing him. I mean hinting at an undercurrent in your relationship, that when you're happy and feel loved, you automatically want to express it in ways he'll appreciate
Basically you're setting yourself up as the victim and trying to shame him into changing. That never works and it's the reason nothing changed after you talked to him about it.
'You make me feel insecure' (victim) 'I'll just have to accept that you're not the way I want you to be.' (shame)
You're also assuming that he doesn't think nice things about you just because he doesn't express them. That's an awful lot of negativity to live with. And I'm guessing you tend to communicate this way in other areas as well. Unfortunately all that's going to accomplish is making him shut down more and probably destroy this relationship and all your future relationships unless you change your communication style.
How about instead of focusing on the negative feelings that the current situation creates and trying to shame him into changing. You focus on the positive feelings that you want to achieve?
'Remember when you told me my hair smelled so good when I got out of the shower the other day? That made me feel so good! It really turns me on when you say such nice things about me! (wink)'
Now do you think he might feel a tiny bit of motivation to find other things to compliment you on?
BTW that hint of sex wasn't an accident. Hands down a woman's most powerful motivational tool for her man is subtle hints of sexuality. And when I say 'subtle' I mean SUBTLE! I don't mean whipping out a boob and teasing him. I mean hinting at an undercurrent in your relationship, that when you're happy and feel loved, you automatically want to express it in ways he'll appreciate
Thank you. I was just trying to not be aggressive, because I know he doesn't respond to that and it's not my nature, but when you put it that was I see that I'm not doing myself any favors. The sex thing doesn't really work because he and I both know that I have a higher sex drive than him, but I think being more assertive is a good idea.
Thank you. I was just trying to not be aggressive, because I know he doesn't respond to that and it's not my nature, but when you put it that was I see that I'm not doing myself any favors. The sex thing doesn't really work because he and I both know that I have a higher sex drive than him, but I think being more assertive is a good idea.
It's not about actual sex. It's about tapping into that source of energy. Get yourself a copy of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and read the chapter 'Mystery of Sex Transmutation' it's a little deep but Hill did a pretty good job of explaining that sex drive (regardless of level) is the most powerful source of energy for motivational change.
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