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I'm sorry if there has been some confusion. I wanted to know if his behavior is highly unusual and if I'm over-reacting, as well as some suggestions as how to fix the issue in the relationship. I'm not considering leaving him and I never said that I was considering that...
You can certainly talk with him about it... I personally don't particularly care for things of this nature I would have to ask for, but others feel differently.
I'm in my first LTR. He's introverted and generally uncomfortable 'saying' things that are emotional in any way. I get virtually no compliments (except actually during sex). Sometimes I get "you looked nice today", but very rarely. This has got me feeling very insecure. I know he loves me but I have to keep repeating that to myself because he offers me zero reassurance. We've talked about it, but no change. Am I being needy?
I have nothing to compare this to, so I was wondering, do many men feel uncomfortable saying nice things? How often do other men feel the urge to compliment? How personal do these compliments get (ex 'you're hot' versus 'I love the way yours eyes light up when...')?
A question to other women: in my situation, would you feel insecure? I'm generally fairly confident but lately I feel like a wreck.
Some men are just clueless in this area, they have no idea what you want from them. And yes, it is normal to lead to the woman feeling a little insecure
I think you have to be very direct with him and give him some guidance on what specifically to say. I know, I know, it's a little like having to pick out your own birthday or Christmas present. But to get what you want you gotta do what it takes.
So give him some concrete examples of what you want to hear and ask me to please try to put them to use on a regular basis
Some men are just clueless in this area, they have no idea what you want from them. And yes, it is normal to lead to the woman feeling a little insecure
I think you have to be very direct with him and give him some guidance on what specifically to say. I know, I know, it's a little like having to pick out your own birthday or Christmas present. But to get what you want you gotta do what it takes.
So give him some concrete examples of what you want to hear and ask me to please try to put them to use on a regular basis
Thank you! I've been trying to avoid that solution because I think in the short-term, it will make me feel worse ("I actually have to write him a script to get him to say something kind?"), but in the long-term it might just be a good stepping stone.
I think you have to be very direct with him and give him some guidance on what specifically to say. I know, I know, it's a little like having to pick out your own birthday or Christmas present. But to get what you want you gotta do what it takes.
Yeah, yeah, LM... I remember reading somewhere "advice" about how to tell him to hug you or to hold your hand! Well, "French that" (just heard that today from a "proper" coworker ) is all I have to say!
I'm in my first LTR. He's introverted and generally uncomfortable 'saying' things that are emotional in any way. I get virtually no compliments (except actually during sex). Sometimes I get "you looked nice today", but very rarely. This has got me feeling very insecure. I know he loves me but I have to keep repeating that to myself because he offers me zero reassurance. We've talked about it, but no change. Am I being needy?
I have nothing to compare this to, so I was wondering, do many men feel uncomfortable saying nice things? How often do other men feel the urge to compliment? How personal do these compliments get (ex 'you're hot' versus 'I love the way yours eyes light up when...')?
A question to other women: in my situation, would you feel insecure? I'm generally fairly confident but lately I feel like a wreck.
All the time. At least daily. Most of my compliments are physical because I'm a lot more comfortable with sex than I am with emotions, but I do congratulate him on his accomplishments and tell him that I appreciate him fairly often, too.
Yeah, yeah, LM... I remember reading somewhere "advice" about how to tell him to hug you or to hold your hand! Well, "French that" (just heard that today from a "proper" coworker ) is all I have to say!
Hey, some men just don't know this stuff - for whatever reason it just doesn't come naturally to them. There is nothing wrong with the woman in their life "educating" them
I have nothing to compare this to, so I was wondering, do many men feel uncomfortable saying nice things? How often do other men feel the urge to compliment? How personal do these compliments get (ex 'you're hot' versus 'I love the way yours eyes light up when...')?
If your guy is anything like me, he's probably thinking exactly what you want to hear, but he feels awkward expressing it. I've never been comfortable giving compliments. For some reason I always think I'm going to sound like an idiot or worse, a creep!
I don't know what you're 'talk' entailed. But if my girl told me how much it means to her to actually 'hear' compliments, and assured me that it doesn't matter if it comes out all wrong. I'd definitely make an effort
Thank you! I've been trying to avoid that solution because I think in the short-term, it will make me feel worse ("I actually have to write him a script to get him to say something kind?"), but in the long-term it might just be a good stepping stone.
Exactly. This in essence is the strength of a good relationship - being open to learning things from one another.
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about how to tell him to hug you or to hold your hand!
) is all I have to say!
