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Also, if you leave now, it isn't too late to have kids. Another thing working on your side is that many times more men DON'T want kids as compared to women. You would be surprised at how many mid-30s women that leaves still looking for men to procreate with. If you start looking now your chances are still pretty good. For every 35 year old man that has left his wife because she didn't want kids, there are 4 women who left their husbands for the same reason. Just get out there and find each other. : )
If she didnt want Kids she should have told you UP FRONT so you could then leave if you wanted to... I am so sorry and i hope you can positively work things out!
Why would she go through fertility tests if she was taking birth control pills? Something doesn't add up.
Because she doesn't have the stones to tell the truth. If she lied about this, there's no telling what else she has lied about. If I were in the OPs shoes I would start looking for signs of an affair, financial dishonesty, and who knows what else. Or, I might consider leaving. The kind of lie she lived... not just told, but lived, could very well be a deal breaker.
First off I never would have expected this much feedback, but thank you to all from the bottom of my heart. I left our home and am staying with friends until I make a decision. I don’t want my step-kids to be in an environment where there is tension. I thought about asking her to leave, but at this point am not throwing out two wonderful kids who didn’t ask for any of this.. Just one clarification- prior to getting engaged my wife entered counseling on her own. She stated she was "torn" about having more kids, as she felt like a failure for being a single mom, putting her kids through a painful separation, etc. I was understanding and supportive and I did go to several of HER therapy sessions where she talked openly about her feelings, and she basically felt that she failed her kids and did not want to fail another child. Her therapist did meet with me one on one and at that point the therapist told me she felt my wife struggled with a painful break up with her ex, but felt that my wife *genuinely * wanted to have another child . In the end, it was her who made the decision totally independent from me, and convinced me, her therapist, and countless family members/friends that she wanted to have another baby...she never mentioned “I want to have a baby for you” or justified having a child because it meant so much to me. I never gave her any ultimatums such as telling her I would end the relationship if we couldn’t agree on children. If she wanted to adopt, I would adopt in a heartbeat. But at this point I don’t even know if I can even have this discussion – she could have mentioned adoption 4 years ago- she never did-. I’m going to consult an attorney, not to file for divorce as of yet, but to see what I should do to protect my interests since I have moved out, but I don’t care about the house or money or anything…HELL I will put the house in her kids name so they have a place to live because they mean that much to me and that way I will always know where they live- so she couldn’t shut me out of their lives. After the past few days who knows what else she is capable of doing. Right now I’m faced with my own reality and only have 2 options- stay and more than likely never have any more kids, or move on and find another woman who is genuine and holds true to her word. And the bottom line is, if she would have said “I don’t want any more kids, that’s my bottom line” FOUR YEARS AGO, I probably would have stayed..but it’s the fact she lied, and how long she continued on with this lie..and someone posted that she sounds like she may be personality disordered and I truly think she may be…so maybe it is best we didn’t have a child together. This has been really difficult -will try to check back in a few days with update, and I am reading as many posts as I can but obviously can’t reply to them all, so thank you again if I haven’t answered your question.
While I believed your original post, I have a hard time buying this
Suddenly you're all over the place, there's adoption, attorney but no divorce, you will even donate your house to the step-kids (only St. Cyril of Alexandria fares better than such generosity)
But you have enough support from the nice people of this forum. Here's to hoping that they make you feel better.
While I believed your original post, I have a hard time buying this
Suddenly you're all over the place, there's adoption, attorney but no divorce, you will even donate your house to the step-kids (only St. Cyril of Alexandria fares better than such generosity)
But you have enough support from the nice people of this forum. Here's to hoping that they make you feel better.
On this point I agree AC. Its undestood the OP is commited to his step children, however to donate his house would be excessive. Now, if I take him on his word its probably these same qualities she saw in him and why he bought into her deceitful lie and she'll end up with what she wanted from the beginning.
A therapist assuring him she genuinely wanted a child, maybe, but I don't know why they'd play God and go out on such a limb.
On this point I agree AC. Its undestood the OP is commited to his step children, however to donate his house would be excessive. Now, if I take him on his word its probably these same qualities she saw in him and why he bought into her deceitful lie and she'll end up with what she wanted from the beginning.
A therapist assuring him she genuinely wanted a child, maybe, but I don't know why they'd play God and go out on such a limb.
Ah, Virgode, hold on, you're going against the script now.
I'm the designated bad boy in this thread. You should be disagreeing with me
This same thing happened to my sisters friend. Guy strung her along for ages....then admitted he'd had a vasectomy and was basically trying to "run out the clock" so to speak.
She moved on and found a great guy.
Irregardless, I'm not sure how you can have a relationship with someone so deceitful. Scratch that...you can't. Dump her, move on and stop being such a doormat or you might get even worse the next time.
I am going through the same thing! I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 32. He kept stringing me along and not marrying me, but getting jealous when I talked to another guy. At age 29 TEN YEARS LATER he finally married me in his church, where a priest who wouldn't let me comb my hair without threatening at 1:59 (ceremony was at 2 and I was in the parlour room) that if I was late he wouldn't do the ceremony. He refused to do a ceremony in my religion until I was 30. Between ceremonies, I was nervous about having children with such an old man, so I had him test his semen. He told me he was fine and that the urologist told him all he had was low testosterone. We tried and tried to have a baby and I got multiple tests done and everything came back super healthy and normal for me. I became suspicious (after many doctors kept saying I was fine) of his verbal "normal" sperm and a foreign doctor told us he needed a semen analysis- so I contacted the urologist myself and got a copy of the results. I was shocked to see his morphology was 6%! I called the lab and even with their super strict criteria 8% is the minimum without ICSI. ICSI is an extreme ivf where the male infertility gets passed on to the son. Standing by him, I bought him some pine bark antioxidants and got him retested with the results going straight to my ob/gyn (she knew for months about all my normal hormone levels and flawless ultrasounds). When she got the results directly-rather than what my husband told her), for the first time without my asking she wrote a referral for ICSI and let me choose my clinic and left the prognosis as an urgent voicemail. Her whole staff has NEVER left any information on a voicemail before and did it with such certainty. HE STILL WON"T TRUST ME! I feel doomed as my husband knew how important it was to me to have kids young, as I am the youngest and my parents were always too tired for me. Also my aunt died in her 40's and the only reason I married him is that I thought he would make a good father-he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad and is very fond of his little brothers. Everyone told me I was way too good for him- too beautiful, too intelligent, too kind, too good with kids, too innocent, too young, too successful/wealthy, etc, but I always defended him and never cheated on him. Now I left my new high-end apartment in a nice neighborhood to live in a craphole which gives me crazy sickness and itchyness. I still get hit on by younger guys because he wouldn't even buy my a ring. I do not know what to do-I NEED CHILDREN and so many people tell me I am good with kids. I even thought I had a super power-% chance a baby will stop crying just looking at my eyes. I am 32 now, so I am no spring chicken, if I sue the first urologist for lying about no problems during my peak fertile years, so she could make $ off of IVF, I still won't be a mom. I too, do not know what to do- I was mad-now I cry and wish I weren't so stupid and romantic. Please let me know what you do!
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