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She complains about everyone because she hates working there. Duuuuuuuh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xo.stevers.xo
I have a situation like that at my job right now....our departments pretty small...about 14 ppl. and mostly all under the age of 30. but theres one woman who is in her mid 50's. And she complains about everyone, everything, and has the 'I am older so therefore I am so much wiser' attitude. And she shuns everyone because she treats us all like we're 5. Even the boss. But she's good at her job which is why I think she hasn't been let go.
But in turn, she is shunned by everyone here because no one wants to hear the old wenches mouth.
You can't be part of the "in crowd" unless there is someone on the "outs". That's all there is to it.
I've seen it a lot at school and work and even in a social group I'm in now. The woman on the "outs" sure seems to go out of her way to BE unlikable, and she got on my bad side with the very first convo I ever had with her (she is argumentative and combative...no matter WHAT you are talking about) but when the gossip starts I usually just go find something else to do. I shared my experience with her once, right after it happened, but have no desire to make a habit of talking bad about her all the time, that just makes me so uncomfortable.
Usually the one without the power isn't causing the problems. They feel powerless. It's the ones who have power and the social support that through their weight around that are horrible to deal with. IMHO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
You can't be part of the "in crowd" unless there is someone on the "outs". That's all there is to it.
I've seen it a lot at school and work and even in a social group I'm in now. The woman on the "outs" sure seems to go out of her way to BE unlikable, and she got on my bad side with the very first convo I ever had with her (she is argumentative and combative...no matter WHAT you are talking about) but when the gossip starts I usually just go find something else to do. I shared my experience with her once, right after it happened, but have no desire to make a habit of talking bad about her all the time, that just makes me so uncomfortable.
Has anyone seen this social phenomenon at work, college, church, families, business, group of friends, etc? Someone will be really nice, cooperative, and cordial with 10 select people but will make an effort to be snide and ugly to one person i.e., giving the cold shoulder, being argumentative, not empathizing, pushing the person away figuratively, making body gestures of repulsion, etc. The person being difficult has the power and protection to be that way. The person being shunned is sort of the loner or the unpopular person. Anyone ever seen this? How can you explain that? I'd like to make sense of that. I've been the victim of that phenomenon a few times. However, I have thankfully not experienced that since my college years where I noticed an emphasis on homogeneity and limited speech. I think it's a power trip IMHO. These days I'm greeted with smiles and cooperation almost everywhere I go. It's so amazing what a change in culture can do for you!
It goes on all the time. All age groups except babies. It's the pack mentality that some people have. It's the way groups work.
Individualistic people are the very nice ones, people who must belong to a group are led around, they'll do whatever it takes to belong to the group and are controlled by the group with the fear of what happens when one is ostracized by the group.
I'm the same as you. It's hard for me to shun someone I do not like or hate. I always bring up some topic that is humorous. Or I try to find common ground so we can talk over it for a minute. I actually try to like difficult people. And, then I move on. It's just not in my nature to shun. I guess I'm too sweet ha ha.
I do too, I like to at least give them a chance, and well, then at least you did your part right.
Usually the one without the power isn't causing the problems. They feel powerless. It's the ones who have power and the social support that through their weight around that are horrible to deal with. IMHO.
They are if being in the group matters to them. The individualists don't have problems with the group because they don't care about them, don't want to be a part of them. The group only controls those who are group oriented. The groups can't control those who don't want to be included into them so they can only control those who wish they could fit in.
In a poorly managed workplace, cliques can become a problem because they can control, they are allowed to do so by management but that's a workplace one should leave and get to one that is better managed.
They are if being in the group matters to them. The individualists don't have problems with the group because they don't care about them, don't want to be a part of them. The group only controls those who are group oriented. The groups can't control those who don't want to be included into them so they can only control those who wish they could fit in.
In a poorly managed workplace, cliques can become a problem because they can control, they are allowed to do so by management but that's a workplace one should leave and get to one that is better managed.
That is why they usually don't like them in the first place...... they can't control them!
You'll never see me sucking up to the "leader" of the pack or some bully..... I usually try to get them to lighten up, but after a while I just right them off, as their loss....
I would rather be a loner, and stay true to myself, then go against my principles, or join into the mob mentality.
I am very familiar with this phenomenon. It's ridiculous that it happens after grade school, though. Seems like a lot of adults never really grow up. In elementary and middle school, I was targeted a lot. In high school I wasn't specifically targeted, but I wasn't specifically included either. In the beginning of college, a lot of people came up to me out of curiosity. The blindness acted as a conversation starter.
Now, I tend to get ignored in groups as well. I don't think people do it on purpose in my case. They're just nervous about talking to me, or don't have the patience. I've even had people be afraid of offending me for saying "hi." I'm deaf-blind, not Satan. I'm not going to be offended if you greet me!
Anyway, if any of the groups that treat you like this are optional (such as church or certain clubs in your college) then I would opt out! If it's work or class, that kind of sucks, but hopefully you'll find your niche soon.
I've been on both sides. I've been in a group that shunned a certain person, and I've also been a person shunned before.
Have you ever stopped and thought that maybe there was a reason you're being shunned? As for me, I was being a bit of a dick when my old group of friends 'shunned' me and it wasn't until a few years down the road that I realized it.
In some cases, the shunning is for a legitimate reason, and in other cases, it's not. For example, I was targeted in school a lot because I was a tomboy and also because I am Asperger's, so I missed a lot of social cues and often didn't "get it." So one could say part of it was through no fault of my own and part of it was because I would sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
I've noticed a lot of times a group will pick any small thing and then demonize the person from there on, which in turn eggs them on to act more combative, thereby perpetuating the whole cycle.
"Has anyone seen this social phenomenon at work, college, church, families, business, group of friends, etc? Someone will be really nice, cooperative, and cordial with 10 select people but will make an effort to be snide and ugly to one person i.e., giving the cold shoulder, being argumentative, not empathizing, pushing the person away figuratively, making body gestures of repulsion, etc. The person being difficult has the power and protection to be that way. The person being shunned is sort of the loner or the unpopular person. Anyone ever seen this? How can you explain that? I'd like to make sense of that. I've been the victim of that phenomenon a few times. However, I have thankfully not experienced that since my college years where I noticed an emphasis on homogeneity and limited speech. I think it's a power trip IMHO. These days I'm greeted with smiles and cooperation almost everywhere I go. It's so amazing what a change in culture can do for you! "
I have experienced that over the last year. More specifically from last summer to this past summer. It apparently has changed up.
Now, I don't have time to talk with anyone. I've noticed that that same snobby person or people that went out of their way to be cruel to me. (tried to run me over, stab my bike tires, shoot at me, etc.) are now trying to be my best friends. But I am wearing a f--- off expression on my face and I survived murder attempts from these people so they might be putting up an act.
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