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Five years ago I had blissful young kids, peacefully lived near family, husband and I were very happy and things were smooth in our marriage, had a great, safe neighborhood and active schools for our kids, had years'-long friendships that we were able to nourish, had wonderful doctors to rely on for help and advice, were able to be active in our kids' extracurricular leagues.
Moved four years ago. Now... Sadly away from family, in a less desirable neighborhood/schools, have had to watch husband and teen start over (the latter has been very hard to watch, because naturally all parents want their kids to have easy transitions and be happy). I've gone back to school, which has been positive... We have better weather, which has been positive... Our teen has been able to thrive in a sport he sort of just fell into that he would have never tried in the old place, which has been positive (and it seems to have helped him some- if he didn't have it I think he would be incredibly depressed). My marriage is strong still, and I hold on to that and am thankful for it.
We "have" less compared to five years ago. I mentioned in another thread that I feel we have lost a lot in having to move. If I could go back tomorrow to our old surroundings I would because the trade-offs would be positive socially/emotionally. Everything we lost is related to interacting with people we love and groups we believed in and invested in. Our teen son is still depressed to an extent, and begs me to move back frequently, and is scared to tell his Dad (because there's nothing we can do about it now)-- I would never pile on and tell my son this, but I feel the same way!
I never really understood the 'wealth' we had, which wasn't monetary but worth more than any amount of money.
Ugh this is hitting me hard as it resonates to me at the moment. Sorry for those struggles.
At the moment I live in a cold winter city and I severely struggle with SAD. The issue is outside of SAD, I love my life here. I have all my family here, whom I am super close with, I have amazing friends that are fulfilling in every way, I have a great job that I love. My life feels great here. My issue remains that I want to move, but at the risk of losing so much. I feel like I would have to sacrifice so much for what? Sunnier skies and palm trees? I go back and forth trying to decide what I want to do.
Ugh this is hitting me hard as it resonates to me at the moment. Sorry for those struggles.
At the moment I live in a cold winter city and I severely struggle with SAD. The issue is outside of SAD, I love my life here. I have all my family here, whom I am super close with, I have amazing friends that are fulfilling in every way, I have a great job that I love. My life feels great here. My issue remains that I want to move, but at the risk of losing so much. I feel like I would have to sacrifice so much for what? Sunnier skies and palm trees? I go back and forth trying to decide what I want to do.
You're where I was.
I also have SAD, and well as two other diagnoses, and my husband has arthritis. We thought moving would be easier on us health wise, and then we might have an even 'easier' time of life (saying that half joking); we didn't know we would find much less competent care in FL for doctors... To the extent that I now Skype with my old therapist up north because the therapy I tried here for almost four years could not cut it. (Thank God for technology.)
FL has been better for my husband because he is working, and also for our youngest who wasn't even in school yet when we came down here- so she knows no different than FL, and cannot remember being close to so many deep familial relationships and influences.
As a stay at home parent, it's been difficult to connect with other moms for many reasons-- and believe me I have tried several avenues for making connections; I'm a social person and somewhat outgoing and not afraid to meet people, but I am also at the stage in my life where I've reached the place that if it's not a genuine connection I don't feel the need to waste time trying to force something either. So I went back to school, which at least gives me something of my own to pass the time, for right now.
I love my husband and I don't hold it against him that he was 100% for moving, and he knew I was 10% on board. Lol. (Honestly, we've given it a go, what can I say, and I love him.)
My mother-in-law once said "These kids think the grass is greener on the other side but it's not" -- interestingly, at my son's birthday party, when fawning over the husband's ex-wife-- said in my home, in front of me. (Joke's on her, we've had a couple of kids and have been happily together almost 20 years, whereas he was miserable for 10 of the 12 he was with the ex (who happened to kiss mother-in-law's ass, a phony behavior my personality naturally repells, Lol)... So I also had "that" to want to escape from, too.
** But, the mother-in-law was right about one thing: Sometimes it's our mindset that needs to shift a little bit. **
We traded 27.2 inches of snow last weekend literally for the sunshine state. And while we like it 'enough' (he does more than I do) and financially it has been a little beneficial-- that's about it. Money and weather... For what? Tears from our teen, and every now and then tears from me (silently, over wine and cookies in the middle of the night in the pantry, like a good mom and wife, Lol).
I regret that I won't be around as my parents and my husband's mother (yes, even her) age and our siblings have two less people to help out with them. I've discussed this with my mother and she tries to reassure me, but it's not helped yet. We are missing out on our nieces and nephews lives, our siblings, our oldest son who stayed up north for college and refuses to live in the south, all of our friends that might as well be family.
What gives me hope (as I tend to used to be very optimistic, and it's not all gone yet) is that this doesn't have to be permanent... If an opportunity came our way I would lobby for it- BIG TIME. Maybe I'd just need more frequent visits with the therapist or to schedule a regular trip in the winter (which we never did), or try a light box (again (they never seemed to work)... Maybe that's what would help you also just a little bit??
Five years ago I'd disagree with the cold and dark, and I know it feels like hell some days... but at this point I would be fine with the sun setting at 4:30 if it means I had an option to do it in the presence of my sisters and parents, and happy, joking kids surrounded by laughing cousins.
I also have SAD, and well as two other diagnoses, and my husband has arthritis. We thought moving would be easier on us health wise, and then we might have an even 'easier' time of life (saying that half joking); we didn't know we would find much less competent care in FL for doctors... To the extent that I now Skype with my old therapist up north because the therapy I tried here for almost four years could not cut it. (Thank God for technology.)
FL has been better for my husband because he is working, and also for our youngest who wasn't even in school yet when we came down here- so she knows no different than FL, and cannot remember being close to so many deep familial relationships and influences.
As a stay at home parent, it's been difficult to connect with other moms for many reasons-- and believe me I have tried several avenues for making connections; I'm a social person and somewhat outgoing and not afraid to meet people, but I am also at the stage in my life where I've reached the place that if it's not a genuine connection I don't feel the need to waste time trying to force something either. So I went back to school, which at least gives me something of my own to pass the time, for right now.
I love my husband and I don't hold it against him that he was 100% for moving, and he knew I was 10% on board. Lol. (Honestly, we've given it a go, what can I say, and I love him.)
My mother-in-law once said "These kids think the grass is greener on the other side but it's not" -- interestingly, at my son's birthday party, when fawning over the husband's ex-wife-- said in my home, in front of me. (Joke's on her, we've had a couple of kids and have been happily together almost 20 years, whereas he was miserable for 10 of the 12 he was with the ex (who happened to kiss mother-in-law's ass, a phony behavior my personality naturally repells, Lol)... So I also had "that" to want to escape from, too.
** But, the mother-in-law was right about one thing: Sometimes it's our mindset that needs to shift a little bit. **
We traded 27.2 inches of snow last weekend literally for the sunshine state. And while we like it 'enough' (he does more than I do) and financially it has been a little beneficial-- that's about it. Money and weather... For what? Tears from our teen, and every now and then tears from me (silently, over wine and cookies in the middle of the night in the pantry, like a good mom and wife, Lol).
I regret that I won't be around as my parents and my husband's mother (yes, even her) age and our siblings have two less people to help out with them. I've discussed this with my mother and she tries to reassure me, but it's not helped yet. We are missing out on our nieces and nephews lives, our siblings, our oldest son who stayed up north for college and refuses to live in the south, all of our friends that might as well be family.
What gives me hope (as I tend to used to be very optimistic, and it's not all gone yet) is that this doesn't have to be permanent... If an opportunity came our way I would lobby for it- BIG TIME. Maybe I'd just need more frequent visits with the therapist or to schedule a regular trip in the winter (which we never did), or try a light box (again (they never seemed to work)... Maybe that's what would help you also just a little bit??
Five years ago I'd disagree with the cold and dark, and I know it feels like hell some days... but at this point I would be fine with the sun setting at 4:30 if it means I had an option to do it in the presence of my sisters and parents, and happy, joking kids surrounded by laughing cousins.
I totally hear you. That's the thing, part of the reason I am so happy is because of the people I have here. For example, when I am feeling a little bored or lonely and it's gloomy out, I call my mom and either she will stop by or I will visit her and it's a great time and I feel great. She only lives 10 minutes away. Same thing with my sister. Giving that up is tough.
Sometimes I think an alternative is also maybe just working for a month of warmer cities. Pay for an Airbnb for a month and spend all of January or February in warm city like Miami, San Diego, LA, Phoenix, New Orleans, etc. That way I can explore a different place each year as well, and kind of live there. Another option is to also stay more extensively at my dad's condo in Jupiter Florida. My issue with Jupiter is that for sure I will quickly get lonely and unhappy there. When I visit solo for a few days, I get so bored. One thing I do know is I need to be in a big city or very close to one.
I just know that I have to do something about these winters. We are barely a month in and I am already feeling the effects of it.
I totally hear you. That's the thing, part of the reason I am so happy is because of the people I have here. For example, when I am feeling a little bored or lonely and it's gloomy out, I call my mom and either she will stop by or I will visit her and it's a great time and I feel great. She only lives 10 minutes away. Same thing with my sister. Giving that up is tough.
Sometimes I think an alternative is also maybe just working for a month of warmer cities. Pay for an Airbnb for a month and spend all of January or February in warm city like Miami, San Diego, LA, Phoenix, New Orleans, etc. That way I can explore a different place each year as well, and kind of live there. Another option is to also stay more extensively at my dad's condo in Jupiter Florida. My issue with Jupiter is that for sure I will quickly get lonely and unhappy there. When I visit solo for a few days, I get so bored. One thing I do know is I need to be in a big city or very close to one.
I just know that I have to do something about these winters. We are barely a month in and I am already feeling the effects of it.
Maybe try the Airbnb thing first and choose a more permanent (5 months of the year) location after you've tried a few cities for 1-2 months at a time. I like that idea too. Then you don't have to put first and last month's rent down, turn on utilities and all that stuff. Also, you won't be locked into a lease with an Airbnb.
Maybe try the Airbnb thing first and choose a more permanent (5 months of the year) location after you've tried a few cities for 1-2 months at a time. I like that idea too. Then you don't have to put first and last month's rent down, turn on utilities and all that stuff. Also, you won't be locked into a lease with an Airbnb.
I am not gonna lie to, this is a bit more superficial, but I moved into a new apartment in September and adore it. I really have invested a lot of money and time the past few months getting it to look just right. And now hitting the four-month mark it's looking exactly how I want it to and everyone loves it. Been hosting lots of dinners here too.
To think that in 9 months I would have to pack it all up and move again and restart, not gonna lie seems like a headache after all the work I have put into it the past three months.
I am not gonna lie to, this is a bit more superficial, but I moved into a new apartment in September and adore it. I really have invested a lot of money and time the past few months getting it to look just right. And now hitting the four-month mark it's looking exactly how I want it to and everyone loves it. Been hosting lots of dinners here too.
To think that in 9 months I would have to pack it all up and move again and restart, not gonna lie seems like a headache after all the work I have put into it the past three months.
I get that. I bought a house in June in the city I live and hate. I love my house though. It is also decorated great. I even hired someone to help me with it. Its my sanctuary in this sh*tty town. But I could sell it quickly if I moved. Don't get too attached I guess is my point.
Five years ago I was getting over a divorce, loss of my home and trying to become financially stable again. Learning the horrors of OLD and trying to put my life back in order and become happy again.
Five years ago I was getting over a divorce, loss of my home and trying to become financially stable again. Learning the horrors of OLD and trying to put my life back in order and become happy again.
Ugh this is hitting me hard as it resonates to me at the moment. Sorry for those struggles.
At the moment I live in a cold winter city and I severely struggle with SAD. The issue is outside of SAD, I love my life here. I have all my family here, whom I am super close with, I have amazing friends that are fulfilling in every way, I have a great job that I love. My life feels great here. My issue remains that I want to move, but at the risk of losing so much. I feel like I would have to sacrifice so much for what? Sunnier skies and palm trees? I go back and forth trying to decide what I want to do.
I understand completely - I live in SW Florida and don't want to be here. I want to move a little further north like Tallahassee or Southern Georgia. I want to see the change of seasons again and have "winter" last longer than a few days a year but without the snow and ice. However my whole family is here including my kids & grandchild plus I have had cancer twice so I'm reluctant to move far away from them and to start all over with doctors, dentists, etc. It's so much easier to do when you're young but I will be 65 the end of this month and although I'm pretty healthy so far I just don't know if I can start over again for the 3rd time.
I understand completely - I live in SW Florida and don't want to be here. I want to move a little further north like Tallahassee or Southern Georgia. I want to see the change of seasons again and have "winter" last longer than a few days a year but without the snow and ice. However my whole family is here including my kids & grandchild plus I have had cancer twice so I'm reluctant to move far away from them and to start all over with doctors, dentists, etc. It's so much easier to do when you're young but I will be 65 the end of this month and although I'm pretty healthy so far I just don't know if I can start over again for the 3rd time.
I imagine that has to be a very hard spot to be in.
Something I am already considering, is that by the time our teen is in college and we only have one more at home full time, is that our teen may, in that time, decide he really loves FL. Our youngest may also want to stay (since it's the only state she will have known). Then- selfish as this is (to already be considering)-- I could never leave, which I suppose would be Ok, if they are emotionally Ok. Part of my unhappiness here I think might also be tied to our teen who I am incredibly close with, hurting from the move- yes, even 4+ years later. I try my best to help him, and we are starting therapy for him after the holidays to see if there is any way he can adjust his thinking to help himself cope with challenges now so they don't completely change what was once the happiest kid we knew (and maybe those tools will also help him down the line in life)-- but I question all the time whether we moved too late... and I think we did... everyone said moving is best with kids before middle school, and we did it when he was going into 4th grade- and I think even that was too late.
I've said to my husband that when the kids are grown, if we are still here, we should move a little north too. I have a love/hate relationship with going to the beach on Christmas day, Lol.
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