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Some of you missed a lot of the story. I am NOT starting a band with my ex from 50 years ago!
This has become a long story and I can't blame you for skipping most of it.
To summarize: I decided to post about the recent experience with Wacko because this was the FIRST time I ever had a witness to me being bullied.
Usually, I thought it must be at least partly my fault, and I tried to figure out how I might have caused it. But I never did figure that out.
So, since I now had a witness, I thought back to all the other times I felt bullied, and I thought maybe it wasn't my fault those times either.
It might have sounded like I am still hung up on things that happened 50 years ago. Not really, but I was surprised to experience something like this in a situation that is neither work or romance.
Anyway, I hope I got the point across. I am not miserable over this. I just felt that my experience was verified by the witness, Kyle, and I though maybe from now on I should trust myself more.
And, just to clarify again -- Wacko is NOT my ex, and NOT my current. He is a guy I play music with, who I have known less than 2 years.
One way to bully someone is to not believe them, to see them as pathetic, and to recommend psychotherapy. It makes you feel like you have your own life figured out, and you are superior to someone.
Some of you missed a lot of the story. I am NOT starting a band with my ex from 50 years ago!
This has become a long story and I can't blame you for skipping most of it.
To summarize: I decided to post about the recent experience with Wacko because this was the FIRST time I ever had a witness to me being bullied.
Usually, I thought it must be at least partly my fault, and I tried to figure out how I might have caused it. But I never did figure that out.
So, since I now had a witness, I thought back to all the other times I felt bullied, and I thought maybe it wasn't my fault those times either.
It might have sounded like I am still hung up on things that happened 50 years ago. Not really, but I was surprised to experience something like this in a situation that is neither work or romance.
Anyway, I hope I got the point across. I am not miserable over this. I just felt that my experience was verified by the witness, Kyle, and I though maybe from now on I should trust myself more.
And, just to clarify again -- Wacko is NOT my ex, and NOT my current. He is a guy I play music with, who I have known less than 2 years.
Yes, you should trust yourself more and when you find yourself making excuses for someone being rude, or angry that is your red flag.
One way to bully someone is to not believe them, to see them as pathetic, and to recommend psychotherapy. It makes you feel like you have your own life figured out, and you are superior to someone.
The term you're searching for is "gaslighting".
But you're not being gaslighted.
You ASKED the question on a Psychology forum.
And yeah, you'll probably get two types of answers. One from a group of people who identify with your issues and support your point of view with no input that you may perceive as negative. And the others, whom you may perceive as "feeling superior" because they believe they have the answers.
I fall into category two.
And if you actually are in your 60's, that IS a concern and calls for counseling if you plan on any corrective action in the near future. Or if you just accept repeating the past forever.
IE: Everybody and their mother had divorces in the past, and not just at 16 when you're relatively able to deal. But from age 2-16 with alot of nasty crap in between. Those who are out of the victim stage by now, aren't all just looking back 45 years blaming that family drama for our entire life's experience without having at least learned from it and "fixing" it.
And if you actually are in your 60's, that IS a concern and calls for counseling if you plan on any corrective action in the near future. Or if you just accept repeating the past forever.
Right, seeing someone in their 60s who's been struggling with self-confidence issues for 50 years engenders some sympathy. Nobody who's suggesting the OP get therapy is doing it out of a sense of superiority, it's more recognizing that someone who's been dragging an emotional broken leg around for decades should probably get it looked at. That's not bullying. At all.
Right, seeing someone in their 60s who's been struggling with self-confidence issues for 50 years engenders some sympathy. Nobody who's suggesting the OP get therapy is doing it out of a sense of superiority, it's more recognizing that someone who's been dragging an emotional broken leg around for decades should probably get it looked out. That's not bullying. At all.
Don't assume I haven't already been through counseling, self help, peer counseling, self analysis, you name it. I am relatively happy.
I can't just walk away from all the bullies in my life, because that includes some close relatives. Wacko I have to decide about. There are pros and cons.
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