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that is different- if your son needs the extra help- that is fine- i think we are talking about overprotective parents not letting their children out from under their wing- for example there is a thread going on here about when to let kids go trick or treating with adult supervision-some say not until they are 16- 16 year olds shouldn't be trick or treating ....
I understand. I was raised very over-protectively myself and do not want to pass that on to my son.
Again, please note some of us have developmentally delayed children. My son is a bright, smart kid with a sunny personality and nary a nasty bone in his body but he needs 'to be kept on task.'
He also needs to be directed and supervised. I have to check over his homework folder, make sure he has all his papers, and whatever.
Am I a helicopter mom? I don't think so. And you know what, if someone thinks I am, who cares anyhow?
Apples to turnips. Everyone understands that special needs kids take more supervision and care, this is not what we are talking about. We are talking about kids that SHOULD be able to take care of themselves and are not allowed--like the poor girl at our kids' bus stop who's Mommy walked her to the bus stop every day-all the way through high school. Poor kid.
I don't consider myself a "helicopter mom" but some of you probably would. My DD is 11.
Yes, I take her to the bus stop every morning. Granted, I sit in my car while she's on the bus stop, but I wait until she's safely on the bus before I leave.
I check her homework every night to make sure it's done fully and correctly. I check her tests and make her re-do the ones she got wrong.
I communicate with her teachers on a regular basis -- no, not to ask them to change her grade or anything else, but to see if there's anything I can do to help her more with subjects she's having difficulty in.
If she's going to stay late at school for extra help or activities, I tell her to call me from school letting me know she's staying (even if she's told me before school that she'll be staying)
If I'm stuck at work and she doesn't see me waiting when she gets off the bus, she knows to call me.
I will be with her while trick-or-treating today.
I don't let her wander the neighborhood on her own.
When she goes to friends' homes, I drop her off, meet the family, pick her up.
I "check" her room and her computer on a regular basis.
On the other hand......
She gets herself up, washed, dressed in the mornings.
Does her chores without being asked.
Is polite/respectful of her others.
Helps with laundry.
Helps with meals.
Keeps her bedroom clean, neat, organized.
Keeps track on her calendar of what needs to be done, what activities she has planned, etc.
She already knows what career she wants in life and is taking steps to achieve that already and even has her college chosen.
I don't consider myself a "helicopter mom" but some of you probably would. My DD is 11. Mine is 12
Yes, I take her to the bus stop every morning. Granted, I sit in my car while she's on the bus stop, but I wait until she's safely on the bus before I leave. Our bus comes to the end of the driveway so I don't do this part.
I check her homework every night to make sure it's done fully and correctly. I check her tests and make her re-do the ones she got wrong. Mostly I do this too.
I communicate with her teachers on a regular basis -- no, not to ask them to change her grade or anything else, but to see if there's anything I can do to help her more with subjects she's having difficulty in. Email regularly besides the progress report some of them send home automatically just to check in.
If she's going to stay late at school for extra help or activities, I tell her to call me from school letting me know she's staying (even if she's told me before school that she'll be staying) Usually if she don't call and remind me if it isn't a regular activity...I forget, so she has to call me.
If I'm stuck at work and she doesn't see me waiting when she gets off the bus, she knows to call me.
I will be with her while trick-or-treating today. Hubby and I take her around but we live in a rural area, without us "taking her around" she couldn't go cause it is to far to walk.
I don't let her wander the neighborhood on her own. Ever.
When she goes to friends' homes, I drop her off, meet the family, pick her up. Always.
I "check" her room and her computer on a regular basis. We only have 1 computer and I check the history daily. I check her room and backpack too... weekly or so.
On the other hand......
She gets herself up, washed, dressed in the mornings.
Does her chores without being asked.
Is polite/respectful of her others.
Helps with laundry.
Helps with meals.
Keeps her bedroom clean, neat, organized. Not so much with mine....
Keeps track on her calendar of what needs to be done, what activities she has planned, etc.
She already knows what career she wants in life and is taking steps to achieve that already and even has her college chosen.
I can list a lot more, but why?
Soooo, the verdict? Am I a "helicopter mom"?????
If you are so am I...I do all this. I didn't think I was a helicopter mom... I thought I was just hyperactive. I am also the Girl Scout leader for her GS troop and I have 3 other troops besides hers. I don't work outside the home besides Girl Scout Stuff.
Last edited by okpondlady; 10-31-2009 at 07:11 AM..
Reason: Shock...
Walking your 11yr old child to the bus stop is not a "helicopter" parent.
Checking your child's homework is not a helicopter parent.
A special needs child that needs extra attention is not helicopter parenting.
Some of these post are painful to read.
Doing something for your child that they are more than completely capable of doing (WITHIN COMMON SENSE AND AGE APPROPRIATENESS); they know they can do; and you do it for them knowing they are completely capable but it is filling a void in your life....helicopter parenting.
Talking to your child's teacher every day & asking how your child is doing every day and if there is anything they need to work on & how is their behavior and did they sit nicely and are they being polite...every single day....it's not necessary & it's unhealthy. And there are parents who do that every single day. I had a few. To the point the principle has to get involved b/c the parent is close to seeming mentally unstable.
Parent who email their college aged children every day with the list of their assignments with the note "Remember, you have to read pages 100-150 today" and they do this EVERY SINGLE DAY along with everything else for their child who is in college... If they child can go out & drink until 3am...they can figure out they have homework to complete. If not, oh well. Their loss. Parents who have 30yr old children living with them & are STILL doing their laundry and the 30yr old says "She offers"...that's "helicopter parenting" along with a spoiled brat of a lazy child that was trained that way b/c his mommy was afraid to let go from day 1 & therefore did it all....
I don't use the term helicopter parenting. It's called enabling & is NOTHING like checking their homework when they are 8 or helping them tie their shoes when they are 6 or walking with them to the busstop when they are 12.
There is a difference between being an involved parent and being a parent who enables. A big difference. That is what some are trying to say. Not that if you are a Girl Scout Leader that you are a "helicopter" parent??...??!!??
My mother was a helicopter mom to the extreme and would still be if I allowed it. unfortunately because I cut the cord, it has now caused a lot of issues with my mom.
I don't consider myself a "helicopter mom" but some of you probably would. My DD is 11.
Yes, I take her to the bus stop every morning. Granted, I sit in my car while she's on the bus stop, but I wait until she's safely on the bus before I leave.
An 11 year old should be able to get herself to the bus stop as long as it's not to far from the house. I only drive my son when it rains. If I lived in a cold climate I would probably drive him in the winter, but here in FL it doesn't get that cold.
I check her homework every night to make sure it's done fully and correctly. I check her tests and make her re-do the ones she got wrong.
IMO-total overkill in middle school unless a child has developmental problems. I ask about the homework and whether it it done or not. I am available to help if they need help, but by middle school kids should be independent with homework.
I communicate with her teachers on a regular basis -- no, not to ask them to change her grade or anything else, but to see if there's anything I can do to help her more with subjects she's having difficulty in.
If a child is doing well in school there is no need for constant communication with the teachers in secondary school. If a child is struggling it can really help though. It really depends on the student. A good student should be allowed to manage their own work. A struggling student needs more support.
If she's going to stay late at school for extra help or activities, I tell her to call me from school letting me know she's staying (even if she's told me before school that she'll be staying)
I only have them call if there is a change to the schedule not every day. My kids play on sports teams and are in marching band. Those have a regular schedule and I only ask them to call if there is a change.
If I'm stuck at work and she doesn't see me waiting when she gets off the bus, she knows to call me.
An 11 year old should not need mom waiting at the bus stop for her.
I will be with her while trick-or-treating today.
Is she going with friends? 11 year olds should be able to trick or treat in groups together. I wouldn't have them go alone, even at an older age.
I don't let her wander the neighborhood on her own.
Do you let her go to a friend's house or do you need to escort her there also? IMO an 11 year old should be able to go to a known person's house without an adult escort unless the neighborhood is dangerous in some way (traffic, crime, etc.).
When she goes to friends' homes, I drop her off, meet the family, pick her up.
I always like to meet the parents no matter how old my kids are. If the family is in the neighborhood and known to me, I let my kids go there starting at around age 8.
I "check" her room and her computer on a regular basis.
What are you checking for? I have my kids be my friend on all social networking sites and they have had their computer privliges suspended at time but I have not had to "snoop" on them to find out what I needed to know. I have simply been around, involved and aware.
On the other hand......
She gets herself up, washed, dressed in the mornings.
Does her chores without being asked.
Is polite/respectful of her others.
Helps with laundry.
Helps with meals.
Keeps her bedroom clean, neat, organized.
Keeps track on her calendar of what needs to be done, what activities she has planned, etc.
She already knows what career she wants in life and is taking steps to achieve that already and even has her college chosen.
I can list a lot more, but why?
Soooo, the verdict? Am I a "helicopter mom"?????
I am sure you are a good mother. Most parents do what they think is right.
I am not as protective, and I do not manage every second of my kids lives the way you do, but I am not willing to slap "bad mommy" on you because I am sure you are doing what you think your child needs.
I would like to you re-think the constant supervision and loosen up a little bit, but I don't really know you......
17 is a little late for them to be making decisions too. It is something that should start at birth. My sister is the poster child for helicopter parenting-even as a newborn the kids were not allowed to be done eating until she thought they should be done, and it only got worse from there. Her 8th grader is not allowed to pick out her clothing each day-mom has to go into her closet and pick everything out for her before she is allowed to get dressed in the morning. If they wake up before Mom and Dad they are not allowed to leave their bedrooms and go downstairs...poor kids.
Something is very wrong with these parents. When these kids rebel it is not gonna be a pretty picture.
-Making you wear a stupid looking winter hat and coat in April because it is windy and she thinks you might catch a cold when you are in 4th grade. You don't want to but your mom forces you to.
- raising such a stink when you did not make the team because you sucked and didn't deserve to but your mom insisted and they let you on and it made you the laughing stock of the team because of what your mom did.
- you mom coming to your college dorm room when you are 19 on Saturday because she called friday night at 2am and could not get ahold of you (YOU ARE 19) to make sure you were home. and actually being surprised when she finds you haven't come home yet but finding your girlfriend there in your room sleeping with her boyfriend and your mom is offended. My explanation was none- I did not owe her one she had no business there.
-Planning your wedding. I didn't even want a wedding but made me feel terrible because I wanted to elope and screw all that wedding crap and I'm the only daughter BLAH BLAH BLAH CRAP. So gave in and had a wedding which I did not want. They wasted 30 thousand dollars to put on a show for relatives and people they worked with. My next wedding was done my way we spent 300$ and got married out in the woods in denim. Mom wasn't invited unless she shut up about the whole thing and accepted things as they were.
Helicopter moms can destroy a childs life. Especially if they use guilt trips because of all they do for you. If the child does not grow up and become strong enough to tell them to take a hike and shove their guilt trip up their ass and sometimes you have to be nasty about it unfortunately. If you let them they can destroy your marriage when they try to suck the husband/wife into being a helicopters mom step child. Sometimes it requires the child to move many miles away and limit the info you give about your life to escape the clutches and be free.
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I thought I was just hyperactive. I am also the Girl Scout leader for her GS troop and I have 3 other troops besides hers. I don't work outside the home besides Girl Scout Stuff.
