Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok, 1st and foremost I am new to the forum and this site but enjoy it! I have a 9 month old son and as a new parent I would like to think I'm doing well being that I have had experience in watching close friends with their kids and being the oldest of 5 within my family. My son is wonderful, very happy child, sees me and always greets me with a smile no matter what but lately it seems like he's trying to start his own personality and I don't want it going in the wrong direction. If I leave the room instead of him crying it sounds like he's just plain yelling until I come back in which it stops. I take him out and sit him with me while I get dressed in the morning and he's calm. I try to get him dressed and now it seems like he fights me on that also so I dont know if this is the beginning of things to come or if I stand firm will he understand? I think he does because when I tell him "NO" he will notice it and start crying...I just remember as a child me being spanked lightly (old school) as a reminder or as a startle to notice that I'm doing wrong, but at what age is that ok? I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.
I'd say it's appropriate at about the same age as it is to spank your spouse or employee to "remind" them they're not doing what you want.
Seriously, it's just strange that even animal trainers have realized that using fear and pain to change behavior is not a good thing for dogs, but parents are still encouraged to use it for children.
Please specify the difference between spanking and hitting.
Spanking IS hitting. If you are going to use an excuse, at least, don't use this lame one.
Definiton for you:
1.to strike (a person, usually a child) with the open hand, a slipper, etc., esp. on the buttocks, as in punishment.
If striking with an open hand is not hitting, then I don't know what is.
I agree spanking is hitting and it is a real good method of punishment.
I'd say it's appropriate at about the same age as it is to spank your spouse or employee to "remind" them they're not doing what you want.
Seriously, it's just strange that even animal trainers have realized that using fear and pain to change behavior is not a good thing for dogs, but parents are still encouraged to use it for children.
My wife has never complained. My employees never quit and my dog is the best behaved animal of all time. Spanking works. Had your parents spanked your butt perhaps your heart wouldn't be bleeding out.
My wife has never complained. My employees never quit and my dog is the best behaved animal of all time. Spanking works. Had your parents spanked your butt perhaps your heart wouldn't be bleeding out.
So you're saying you hit your wife, employees, and dog then? I hope not, but I don't quite get where that would fit into this thread otherwise. My husband doesn't complain, my employees actually seem to like me, and my dogs are well-behaved [and have won a couple schutzhund/obedience titles], and I never hit any of them either (yes, including the dogs!).
I was spanked, a few times as a child, and I'm definitely not the bleeding heart you seem to assume I am. I just don't support spanking because I've seen it cause more harm than good, and too many people don't understand when it may be effective from when it's just a way of venting anger and frustration. I think older generations used spanking more sparingly, mostly for serious offenses, and combined with other punishment or time to think about what they did wrong - that was possibly effective for most kids. The problem now is that it seems to be one of the first resorts for even minor misbehavior for a lot of parents, and it is creating a bunch of kids with anger and resentment issues and no way of setting boundaries absent the fear of immediate punishment.
Even most people that support spanking say that it's not effective, and is probably counter productive, before age 3, but I have seen a lot of parents smacking kids on the butt or hands who were still in diapers. It seems like, for a lot of people, it's easier to reach out and pop the kid for anything that annoys the parent, rather than try to redirect their behavior or use other methods that might take a little time and attention. That's my big problem - it's overused, and often used to the exclusion of more productive forms of discipline, and those two factors have created a lot of angry, defiant, and rebellious kids - sometimes this shows as early as 2 or 3 years old, other times it doesn't become apparent until their teens, usually with drug abuse, sleeping around, and sneaking out. Either way, part of it is because the children have not learned to set boundaries without the threat of punishment, and realize they can do what they want out of mom or dad's "reach".
So you're saying you hit your wife, employees, and dog then? I hope not, but I don't quite get where that would fit into this thread otherwise. My husband doesn't complain, my employees actually seem to like me, and my dogs are well-behaved [and have won a couple schutzhund/obedience titles], and I never hit any of them either (yes, including the dogs!).
I was spanked, a few times as a child, and I'm definitely not the bleeding heart you seem to assume I am. I just don't support spanking because I've seen it cause more harm than good, and too many people don't understand when it may be effective from when it's just a way of venting anger and frustration. I think older generations used spanking more sparingly, mostly for serious offenses, and combined with other punishment or time to think about what they did wrong - that was possibly effective for most kids. The problem now is that it seems to be one of the first resorts for even minor misbehavior for a lot of parents, and it is creating a bunch of kids with anger and resentment issues and no way of setting boundaries absent the fear of immediate punishment.
Even most people that support spanking say that it's not effective, and is probably counter productive, before age 3, but I have seen a lot of parents smacking kids on the butt or hands who were still in diapers. It seems like, for a lot of people, it's easier to reach out and pop the kid for anything that annoys the parent, rather than try to redirect their behavior or use other methods that might take a little time and attention. That's my big problem - it's overused, and often used to the exclusion of more productive forms of discipline, and those two factors have created a lot of angry, defiant, and rebellious kids - sometimes this shows as early as 2 or 3 years old, other times it doesn't become apparent until their teens, usually with drug abuse, sleeping around, and sneaking out. Either way, part of it is because the children have not learned to set boundaries without the threat of punishment, and realize they can do what they want out of mom or dad's "reach".
Well, to be honest I only spank my wife when she's naughty but thats another story. The dogs, well, lets just say they know who the alpha dog in this pack is and it ain't them. I don't know what a shuntzhund is but that doesn't sound like a dog that would be too hard to control.
As for the kids, I would agree that spanking is over used. I have 2 kids 11 and 7 and I've probably spanked them a combined total of 5 times, maybe. Believe me though, they know I will even though they know I love them more than life itself. And true, spanking isn't the only form of punishment. The biggest thing, and this holds true for kids, employees and dogs, is that when you dole out punishment the person on the recieving end has to know why they're being punished. And you, the punisher, being in a bad mood isn't a valid reason.
Clearly, a kid in diapers isn't old enough to understand "why".
First off Schutzhund isn't a breed, it's a type of dog sport that's a competition and training environment for obedience, tracking, and protection dogs. My competition dogs are 2 GSD [German Shepard], a Belgian Malinois, a Rottweiler/Doberman mix, and a Rottweiler/GSD puppy that's not competing but just learning basic obedience and tracking work now. All are very intelliegnt and easy to "control" when trained, but most of those breeds can be hard for a lot people to control, and can also have major aggression problems if they are trained with certain methods.
Secondly, I think our views are probably closer than you think. I just don't endorse spanking now because I see it used way too often on young children and for minor things. A lot of people seem to think children too young to understand verbal reasoning will "understand" a spanking, and that's my biggest problem, so many people use it too often, too early, and for the wrong reasons. It makes more sense to make them understand what behaviors are desired and to reward [not bribe, but praise or recognize] good behavior, and to make them see the natural consequences of bad behavior - if more parents would do this first, then probably 90% of spankings could be avoided in the first place, even for those who choose to use them.
Then again, I may be biased because most of the young'uns I've raised were either family [and being spanked/slapped too often for little things], or foster kids, and there were reasons in their past history that made spanking either traumatic or rather ineffective with them. Still, I hope to be able to raise my own children without using it.
If you're going to use spanking in any family, let it be distributed equally and fairly.
Me and my brother were spanked. My sister could perform the same acts which required spanking and never got spanked. My Dad meted out the punishment, but she was his princess.
And I've resented it to this day and don't even talk to her. But we're moving into another topic: favoritism in families.
9 months old? I don't think so.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
