What age is it ok to spank your child? First time parent.. (method, teens)
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slapping hands to get attention and stop dangerous behavior is OK. Spanking on a padded butt once might be OK but so many parents are full of stress and frustrations, I fear they might not know when to stop. We all know of people who have done that. So why even give that opportunity.
So many times I just had to put the kid(we had 7) isolated from anything which could hurt him and let him scream it out. They eventually do get tired and stop. We felt is was so important to let them know we were in charge and not them.
When the kid gets to a certain age you can take away toys, TV, games, things which mean alot to him. Time out works well too if you taylor it to the right time for age of kid.
Then we would talk about why they lost that privledge.
Mostly for us alot of sincere praise seemed the best way to let them know what we expected and to pick our battles carefully. We let the kids know we sometimes would change our rules and regulations if they could really convince us we were wrong. That actually happened a few times. And this gave them confidence to know we were really listening and trying to be fair.
I think kids start out wanting desperately to please mom and dad and just knowing we were disappointed seem to motivate them to do better.
I think for the most part spanking teaches kids that hitting is OK and I don't think it is.
Ok, 1st and foremost I am new to the forum and this site but enjoy it! I have a 9 month old son and as a new parent I would like to think I'm doing well being that I have had experience in watching close friends with their kids and being the oldest of 5 within my family. My son is wonderful, very happy child, sees me and always greets me with a smile no matter what but lately it seems like he's trying to start his own personality and I don't want it going in the wrong direction. If I leave the room instead of him crying it sounds like he's just plain yelling until I come back in which it stops. I take him out and sit him with me while I get dressed in the morning and he's calm. I try to get him dressed and now it seems like he fights me on that also so I dont know if this is the beginning of things to come or if I stand firm will he understand? I think he does because when I tell him "NO" he will notice it and start crying...I just remember as a child me being spanked lightly (old school) as a reminder or as a startle to notice that I'm doing wrong, but at what age is that ok? I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.
thoughts?
It is never ok to spank your child.... Why would you want to physically put your hands on him and make him cry so he can learn a lesson? Will he even learn from a spanking? He will definitely remember when he is older that he used to get spanked by his dad when he was little and probably saying to himself when I have a child I won't spank him like my dad did to me..
Think about it before doing anything you might regret later on...
he doesnt just scream, he will shriek at the top of his lungs til he gets what he wants, both at home and in public.
This does not work everywhere but I have a screamer. He is 6 and I think he just likes to make a lot of noise. We live out "in the country" so when he lets out a scream, I send him outside and lock the door behind him and make him sit on the porch - I tell him making that kind of noise is for outside and that is where he will go for a while. He usually does not like it because I don't let his siblings out to play with him.
I understand my child's type of screaming and the type of screaming you are talking about is different, but if you can find a way to send the message that it is inappropriate behavior, and no one wants to play or be with him when he behaves that way, it may help.
Please though, please, please please, when you do this if you are around other people, distance the screamer from the adults. I was at a soccer practice and a 4-yr-old was angry with his mom over something and she was choosing to ignore him, which is a useful tactic, except that she plunked her chair down in the group of parents and let him stand there next to her yelling at her for at least 5 minutes. I was losing my mind! She was carrying on a conversation and I had no idea how she could hear anything.
It's unfortunate that too many people wrongly think of "spanking" as "hitting." Spanking is about discipline. Hitting is about anger. Big difference.
As a side note... I've found that most of the "experts" in child-rearing - and a whole lot of school teachers as well - have the most horribly behaved, unruly and nasty kids around.
Please specify the difference between spanking and hitting.
Spanking IS hitting. If you are going to use an excuse, at least, don't use this lame one.
Definiton for you:
1.to strike (a person, usually a child) with the open hand, a slipper, etc., esp. on the buttocks, as in punishment.
If striking with an open hand is not hitting, then I don't know what is.
Can you specify certain specific situations as to when he misbehaves.
2 year olds are very VERY much in a temper tantrums stage. Sometimes, the only way to teach is them is just NOT TO GIVE IN. That's it. Please describe your time-outs to us.
The main point is not to figure out how to discipline, but figure out WHY HE IS BEHAVING THIS WAY. There are many reasons, he could be tired and hungry, allergies is a big trigger, poor diet, artificial sweeteners. Find a pattern first and eliminate any culprits. THEN worry about disciplining.
Can you specify certain specific situations as to when he misbehaves.
2 year olds are very VERY much in a temper tantrums stage. Sometimes, the only way to teach is them is just NOT TO GIVE IN. That's it. Please describe your time-outs to us.
The main point is not to figure out how to discipline, but figure out WHY HE IS BEHAVING THIS WAY. There are many reasons, he could be tired and hungry, allergies is a big trigger, poor diet, artificial sweeteners. Find a pattern first and eliminate any culprits. THEN worry about disciplining.
the only pattern seems to be he throws a tantrum when he doesnt get his way.
and we cant let him do it cause of the noise.
how do people in the big cities where everyone (alot) lives in a shared building keep their kids from causing noise?
the only pattern seems to be he throws a tantrum when he doesnt get his way.
and we cant let him do it cause of the noise.
how do people in the big cities where everyone (alot) lives in a shared building keep their kids from causing noise?
Alright, well, if you are definitely sure that it has nothing to do with him being tired, not getting enough sleep (extremely important) or food sensitivities and only has to do with him not getting his way, then the best thing that worked for me personally is:
a)Analyze - is my son's request that unreasonable? Am I not picking my battles wisely? It is OKAY to say "yes" sometimes. Are we are constantly "no, no, no" all the time? I've seen situations when parents don't let their toddlers breath! No, don't play with the dirt. No, don't run around. No, don't do this or that. Toddlers are meant to explore and we need to give them some kind of room to do that. So first and foremost - am I being fair when I deny what he wants.
b)Once I establish really quickly - hell, no, I'm not allowing him to do this. Example - jumping on someone else's couch.
I take him away and I put him in a peace corner in his room or any other room that has corners (lol). I sit with him while he is screaming and in a calm voice keep repeating that he needs to stay here, because he cannot jump on the couch and he is being too noisy.
Look, I feel that my job is to teach, to teach and to teach. The best way that worked for me, personally is verbal explanation and termination of him doing what he was doing and waiting for him to calm down. Spanking had never ever worked for me. Yeah, it's difficult when you live in a building (that's where I lived for years), but that's part of living in a building. You can carpet the floors, you can carpet the walls even to isolate the noise, but that's all you can do. Neighbors is the least of your problems, because it's a temporary stage for your son. Tantrums do subside when they turn 3 and even more so at 4, but you can't turn the clock back on the time when it's crucial to keep talking to your son. Eventually they will learn that they cannot get their way if mommy says "no" and that's it, but they will also eventually start reasoning and understanding "why".
There need to be consequences too for their behavior. You purposefully spilled the juice, you get no more juice. You broke this toy, you don't get a replacement etc...
It is never ok to spank your child.... Why would you want to physically put your hands on him and make him cry so he can learn a lesson? Will he even learn from a spanking? He will definitely remember when he is older that he used to get spanked by his dad when he was little and probably saying to himself when I have a child I won't spank him like my dad did to me..
Think about it before doing anything you might regret later on...
This is why there are so many self-absorbed kids out there now. Parents are afraid to discipline their kids and just want to be their friend. I got spanked as a kid. Come on, it wasn't that bad.
This is why there are so many self-absorbed kids out there now. Parents are afraid to discipline their kids and just want to be their friend. I got spanked as a kid. Come on, it wasn't that bad.
Yep.
Childern actually like discipline, rules and consequences because it shows them you care. But there is a difference between discipline and taking out your anger. My advice is make sure they know why they're getting spanked and make sure when you do it that your calm and cool. Getting all emotional is the wrong way to go about it. Just make it a matter of fact.
I'm my experience if your child knows that you will spank them you won't have the need to spank them very often if at all.
As for age, 9 months is waay to young. They at least got to be old enough to understand why they're getting spanked and what they could have done to avoid it.
When they demonstrate the ability to associate consequences with behavior.
And the power of a spanking is usually inverse to it's frequency. I.e., the less you do it, the better it works when you must.
Good point. My father gave me a spanking -once- when I was little. I remember it well.
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Why would you want to physically put your hands on him and make him cry 
so he can learn a lesson? Will he even learn from a spanking? He will definitely remember when he is older that he used to get spanked by his dad when he was little and probably saying to himself when I have a child I won't spank him like my dad did to me..
