how to ferberize? will it work? (breast milk, girl, child, husband)
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I didn't Ferber my son, and he has always had issues self-soothing (which is what the Ferber method is about), but he also has other issues as well so I can't say that it is why he had that problem. I did let my girls cry it out at around 5-6 months old, going in at 5, 10 and 15 intervals. It took 2 nights for each. After that, no need to rock and bounce. They learned how to self-sooth which is something that has served them well. Children have to learn how to be able to sooth themselves. For mine, this worked (and no, they weren't neglected). They are very happy girls. But that may not work for every baby.
To the OP, at 21 months old, I am not sure what would work. I know this sounds silly, but have you watch Nanny 911? Most of the time when there is an issue with sleep, they let the child cry it out. At 21 months old, it is not that they can't go to sleep, but rather, they are wanting to control the situation. Yes, those darlings are such masters of manipulation at that age. If you can show the child what you expect and follow through, you are doing right by your darling. You are developing boundaries that make you child feel safe. Coddling doesn't make them feel safe. It makes them feel that they have no control and must rely on you for their feelings. Letting them know you are in charge is what makes them feel safe.
Good luck.
I totally agree with you. I have never let my daughter cry, at all. We coslept with her and it was the best experience of all. She started sleeping on her own without nursing or rocking before she was 18 months. She the dream example of how cosleeing makes great sleepers. My son is totally different. He slept with us for a little while, but he was such a thrasher, it never really worked out well, so now he sleeps in his room on a futon. I put him down asleep or I nurse him to sleep. He wakes up every night, wants company, wants to nurse. He gets so offended when he wakes up and finds himself alone... heaven forbid.....So I end up sleeping with him. I'm just kinda done with it. I'm happy to nurse him, but not at night. I'm just done.
Sandy, my heart goes out to you. It's hard to go from one child that slept fine to one that doesn't, especially if it's your second child. You've lost sleep with child number 1, then number 2 comes, you've probably just gone back to sleeping full nights again and bam!
I don't know what your bedtime routine is but what I used to do was give a nice soothing bath, then my daughter would sit on my lap, I'd give her a small snack, nothing crunchy, it was always soft, so she didn't have to work hard. I always put something on TV that wasn't stimulating, just a nice mellow show. Then we'd rock. If she still used a bottle, she got the bottle when we rocked. I had a soft blanket from JC Penney, all of the kids love this blanket once you wash the newness out of it. I knew about satin long before it was popular to sooth kids lol
It sounds like you are done with night nursing, and maybe it's time to introduce a sippy cup when he wakes. Put a rocker in his room, sit him on your lap I usually have one of those square pillow forms from Walmart under my arm, then grab the blanket and put the satin up by their face, let the blanket either cover their body or just touching it. I then rub their head, right behind the ear by the neck. The only light is a night light.
If the child doesn't like being on their back, put them on their stomach, same concept, you rub their head on one of the soothing points or rub their back, very lightly but not too light that it tickles. Then you rock.
I'm called a show off because I can get the crankiest baby to sleep using the rocking recliner, the magic pillow and blanket.
Oh, I didn't mean to stir up a debate. Sleep is the topic that all moms are passionate about, I can attest to that. I cringe at the thought of CIO, I really do. And when I hear of parents doing it at such an early age, I can't help but get a little judgemental. I also feel like sometimes these parents miss out on some of the most precious moments of their child's infancy. I will never regret how I've raised my kids up to this point. And we feel lucky that we were able to doze off to sleep with baby between us, or breastfeeding the little one while they snuggle up. Those were the most precious moments (sounds cheesy, I know). But it's true.
I highly doubt I have it in me to employ such a drastic measure since I'm so strongly opposed to it. I looked up the No Cry Sleep Solution. And she actually wrote a second book for toddlers and preschoolers. I was able to read an excerpt and she said that the nightlong breastfeeder is the hardest issue to solve, but it can be done with time and patience. I'm going to read it this week, and really try to make some changes that she suggests. Thanks for everyone who contributed.... Max's Mom... if you're reading this, thanks for your words of encouragement and wisdom. And no one here is a bad mom. We do the best we can, we do what we feel is right in our hearts and for our families.
I'm called a show off because I can get the crankiest baby to sleep using the rocking recliner, the magic pillow and blanket.
I don't know about everyone else, but just reading your strategies made ME sleepy. You must be the "getting any baby to sleep" champion. Sounds really nice...
I thought about this thread last night when my 3 year old daughter came to get me in the middle of the night and asked me to "visit her." I walked her back to her room, got her a drink of water, found her stuffed puppy that she had misplaced in her bed, tucked her in, and snuggled up next to her. She fell asleep immediately and I just watched her sleep for a few moments. She looks like a little angel when she sleeps.
I thought about all the mommies in the world who have suffered tragedy and who would give anything for one more night with their precious child. And I was so glad that I could be there with my daughter. It cost me maybe 10 minutes of lost sleep but the memories of her sleeping next to me will last a lifetime.
Children have to learn how to be able to sooth themselves. ....
.... Yes, those darlings are such masters of manipulation at that age. If you can show the child what you expect and follow through, you are doing right by your darling. You are developing boundaries that make you child feel safe. Coddling doesn't make them feel safe. It makes them feel that they have no control and must rely on you for their feelings. Letting them know you are in charge is what makes them feel safe.
I agree completely add one point, giving in gives them control and a power they are not ready to handle. You end up with a "spoiled" child and it will effect who they become later in life.
In our case we have 4 children and they each were taught to self sooth at different ages. Lengthy bedtime routines are hard to keep up when you have more then 1 child, we tried to do the bath thing, reading, rocking, etc. bedding them down would last for over an hour. Our youngest (twin boys) were the only ones we really used CIO with and it was brief. We did it when they were 13months old and we decided to stop using the bottle at the same time just to get it over with all at once. It was a rough week for all of us but worth it in the end. Keeping them in bed after they learned how to climb out of their cribs was hard but eventually we got past that too.
Oh, I didn't mean to stir up a debate. Sleep is the topic that all moms are passionate about, I can attest to that. I cringe at the thought of CIO, I really do. And when I hear of parents doing it at such an early age, I can't help but get a little judgemental. I also feel like sometimes these parents miss out on some of the most precious moments of their child's infancy. I will never regret how I've raised my kids up to this point. And we feel lucky that we were able to doze off to sleep with baby between us, or breastfeeding the little one while they snuggle up. Those were the most precious moments (sounds cheesy, I know). But it's true.
I highly doubt I have it in me to employ such a drastic measure since I'm so strongly opposed to it. I looked up the No Cry Sleep Solution. And she actually wrote a second book for toddlers and preschoolers. I was able to read an excerpt and she said that the nightlong breastfeeder is the hardest issue to solve, but it can be done with time and patience. I'm going to read it this week, and really try to make some changes that she suggests. Thanks for everyone who contributed.... Max's Mom... if you're reading this, thanks for your words of encouragement and wisdom. And no one here is a bad mom. We do the best we can, we do what we feel is right in our hearts and for our families.
Good luck to you, keep us posted how it turns out.
I highly doubt I have it in me to employ such a drastic measure since I'm so strongly opposed to it. I looked up the No Cry Sleep Solution. And she actually wrote a second book for toddlers and preschoolers. I was able to read an excerpt and she said that the nightlong breastfeeder is the hardest issue to solve, but it can be done with time and patience. I'm going to read it this week, and really try to make some changes that she suggests. Thanks for everyone who contributed.... Max's Mom... if you're reading this, thanks for your words of encouragement and wisdom. And no one here is a bad mom. We do the best we can, we do what we feel is right in our hearts and for our families.
I wish you luck. Hopefully you'll be able to get everything under control quickly.
Does he take a cup?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topaz
I don't know about everyone else, but just reading your strategies made ME sleepy. You must be the "getting any baby to sleep" champion. Sounds really nice...
lol.. you know, they are only young once and I know this. My kids are 8 years apart and my son grew up so fast it seemed, so with my girl I knew she'd be the last and I knew that soon enough she'd be too old for any of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topaz
I thought about this thread last night when my 3 year old daughter came to get me in the middle of the night and asked me to "visit her." I walked her back to her room, got her a drink of water, found her stuffed puppy that she had misplaced in her bed, tucked her in, and snuggled up next to her. She fell asleep immediately and I just watched her sleep for a few moments. She looks like a little angel when she sleeps.
I thought about all the mommies in the world who have suffered tragedy and who would give anything for one more night with their precious child. And I was so glad that I could be there with my daughter. It cost me maybe 10 minutes of lost sleep but the memories of her sleeping next to me will last a lifetime.
You are so right!
Enjoy it, because every day is a gift.
As usual, I agree with Max's mama, but can't give rep. I am also against CIO, but that doesn't mean that my child never cries, just that she doesn't cry ALONE and unconsoled by me. It doesn't mean that I give her everything she wants when she wants it either. But I am always there for her through her pain.
I tried to gently push night-weaning on my co-sleeping, night-nursing 2 year old right around her birthday. It went okay, in that I got her down to nursing only 1-2 times per night, which helped, but she just wasn't ready to go all the way. I dropped it, and tried again in 3 months, and this time she night-weaned relatively easily. She was just ready this time, and last time she wasn't. A lot can change for a toddler in 3 months!
Here is another strategy that I am surprised I haven't seen suggested yet, specifically aimed at co-sleeping, night-nursing families. It's Jay Gordon's method, from his book Good Nights. It does involve some crying, but NO crying alone. You will be there for your child through the frustration. I would suggest that you give it a try, but if you don't feel it is the right time for you or your child, STOP, and just wait a few more months to try again. This time is really such a short period in the overall scheme of things.
Oh thank you for that link. I just was at Borders and bought the no cry book for toddlers. It's pretty thick. I will definitely read it but Dr. Gordon's plan seems doable and a potentially "quick fix". And don't get me wrong: it's not that I dislike sleeping with my son, I just dislike how extreme it's gotten. Thank you!
Sandycat--will you post what you thought about the books? I would be really interested.
I have known for awhile that my son doesn't need to nurse in the night, but has been using it as a soother; I've also known other soothers work for him (like daddy walking him). So when my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said all I really wanted was to sleep alone, through the night. Well, last night I did it! I went to a nearby city, walked around, ate out, and checked into a hotel (we have points saved up, so the hotel was actually free...). It was such a surreal experience! I went to bed and woke up. I saw light around the curtains, but thought it must be the parking lot lights, but it was 8 a.m.! Anyhow, when your child finally weans, I think you deserve a night out to yourself, too.
My husband is going to take over the nighttime duties next week. Last night went well for them, so hopefully it will work out. Wish us luck and let us know if any methods work for you.
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