how to ferberize? will it work? (parent, girls, son, 2 year old)

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by 121804

Please read & not interpret to your need.

I said "pull up" her boots straps. It's a term meaning you need to get going & take charge of the situation if she so wishes.

I was not infering she should hit her child. Good gracious.

I am only responding b/c you deciphered something so competely wrong.

I wasn't implying that you were refering to hitting a child. She IS taking charge. She IS RESPONDING TO HER CHILD'S NEEDS. That's taking charge in my book.
Oh, and "good gracious" right backatcha.

[max's mama]

Chaos and chronic exhaustion are the enemies of happy family life. If this mother has a sense of dissatisfaction with her family life, this is a sign that what she is doing is no longer "OK."

I agree with this statement completely. I just think that OP can implement gentler methods to getting her child to sleep. It's not like it hasn't been done.

[treeg26]

Originally Posted by coffeehound

But my kids are laughing and playing with me from 7 AM till 8PMish, when I put them to bed and claim some uninterrupted time to spend with my husband.

Ah, ordered daily life. A time for nourishment, time for play, time for SLEEP.

Chaos and chronic exhaustion are the enemies of happy family life. If this mother has a sense of dissatisfaction with her family life, this is a sign that what she is doing is no longer "OK."

Oh, I agree completely! My hubby and I love our "US" time every night after the kids are in bed. We NEED that time together, no matter what we do with it. The kids got our attention all day, and now it is time for the kids to sleep and Mommy and Daddy to connect.

CHaos and exhaustion ARE INDEED the enemy of a happy family - for the kids and the parents.

I wish the OP all the luck in the world finding what works for their family so they can be rested and happy.

[max's mama]

And maybe it would be a good idea for OP to figure out why (besides being "spoiled" like what's being implied) her child wakes up so much to nurse during the night. Perhaps he doesn't eat enough during the day, perhaps his teeth are bothering him, perhaps growth spurt, and the list goes on... What a radical concept.

[coffeehound]

Originally Posted by max's mama

I agree with this statement completely. I just think that OP can implement gentler methods to getting her child to sleep. It's not like it hasn't been done.

Yes, there are certain methods that are approved by the AP set to "gently" encourage a child to sleep normally... and, if they make you feel better and actually work in your situation, I have no issues.

However, a 21-month-old is apt to have a fairly entrenched set of habits that may not respond to the very sweet Elizabeth Pantley, etc, approach. I'm just letting the OP know that this situation may require a larger dose of stern determination than she's been accustomed to showing, and that this may be hard at first.

A fair amount of howling may be involved at first. That is OK.

But it is for the best. Motherhood cannot be all longsuffering servitude to the desires of a toddler, even at 3 AM.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by coffeehound

Yes, there are certain methods that are approved by the AP set to "gently" encourage a child to sleep normally... and, if they make you feel better and actually work in your situation, I have no issues.

However, a 21-month-old is apt to have a fairly entrenched set of habits that may not respond to the very sweet Elizabeth Pantley, etc, approach. I'm just letting the OP know that this situation may require a larger dose of stern determination than she's been accustomed to showing, and that this may be hard at first.

A fair amount of howling may be involved at first. That is OK.

But it is for the best. Motherhood cannot be all longsuffering servitude to the desires of a toddler, even at 3 AM.

long suffering servitude??? Are you serious? I can bet you, another 6 months and things would have changed. Toddlers to grow up, you know.


I would like to know what methods did OP use already.
I also would like to know what exactly do you know about Elizabeth Pantleys methods, because they don't seem "sweet" but more practical.

[coffeehound]

Originally Posted by max's mama

long suffering servitude??? Are you serious? I can bet you, another 6 months and things would have changed. Toddlers to grow up, you know.


I would like to know what methods did OP use already.
I also would like to know what exactly do you know about Elizabeth Pantleys methods, because they don't seem "sweet" but more practical.

I would venture to guess that this mother has been saying "six more months" for the last twenty-one months.

And I've known tooooo many hapless mamas with nightwaking FOUR year olds to pat someone on the head and blindly hope for saner days ahead.

Now, it's been quite awhile since I've read Pantley's book, 'tis true. Some of her suggestions (the Pantley pull-off, the "rubber band bounce," etc, would make sense if you were dealing with a younger baby, (say, a year-old baby) but a 21 month old has already got some very definite ideas about what he is entitled to expect.

I would tend to suspect that some of the softer methods would wear the mom down long before she saw any sort of improvement. Don't forget the power of sleep deprivation to undermine one's resolve.

Backsliding will not help her cause here-- it will merely teach the young'un that sufficient amounts of screaming will make Mom give him what he was after.

Keep it simple, I say, and be persistent about it. Bedtime is not rocket science, after all.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by coffeehound

I would venture to guess that this mother has been saying "six more months" for the last twenty-one months.

And I've known tooooo many hapless mamas with nightwaking FOUR year olds to pat someone on the head and blindly hope for saner days ahead.

Now, it's been quite awhile since I've read Pantley's book, 'tis true. Some of her suggestions (the Pantley pull-off, the "rubber band bounce," etc, would make sense if you were dealing with a younger baby, (say, a year-old baby) but a 21 month old has already got some very definite ideas about what he is entitled to expect.

I would tend to suspect that some of the softer methods would wear the mom down long before she saw any sort of improvement. Don't forget the power of sleep deprivation to undermine one's resolve.

Backsliding will not help her cause here-- it will merely teach the young'un that sufficient amounts of screaming will make Mom give him what he was after.

Keep it simple, I say, and be persistent about it. Bedtime is not rocket science, after all.

It's clear to me that you and I will never see "eye to eye" on this issue so it's a big waste of time.
I despise the method and see no good in it for anyone: not for a mother, not for a child. It's going against any kind of maternal instinct. CIO was unheard of in early centuries. So you got your child to sleep. Big freak-ing deal. But at what cost? I can't see how anyone can take pride in making your child sleep by fostering separation.

By the way, a toddler goes through a big developmental change sometimes in between 18 and 24 months. Many children start sleeping much better after 2, including nursed children. They eat more solid foods, the need for night nursing eventually goes away.
It's not a rocket science, that's for sure.

Anyway - I see no reason to continue this discussion, it's really kinda pointless. I wish you and OP lots of blessings.

[skbs]

When it comes to which method to use... I think it needs to be adjusted for each kid and each situation. I have two kids who are both different in their needs and from day one showed these needs right from the start... what works for one does not work for the other... Same goes for parents... what method works for one does not work for another... both methods work... and there are always the extreme left and the extreme right... but somewhere in the middle there should be a happy medium that might just work for everyone... but it all requires some testing of waters... OP will figure out what is best for her and her family... My hubby and I did what we felt was best for us and our family... and it was different for each child... there is no one true way to do things....

[mommytotwo]

/The ferber method might work better if you break the breastfeeding habit first. you can do that by giving the baby a sippy cup of water instead of nursing. I would def. do that before trying to make a kid cry it out.