Anybody doesn't have extended family? (babysitting, teaching, babies, support)
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I'd like to hear from others who have no extended family around. Maybe because the family is deseased, or not on speaking terms.
We have no extended family, it's just us 4 - the parents and 2 kids. His folks are dead (and not on very good speaking terms with his brother), mine are on the other side of the planet, and I'm not on speaking terms with my mother. My daughter is starting to ask about her grandparents. I say that they live far far away and maybe one day we'll visit them. The thing is, I'm not sure if we'll visit them in the foreseeable future. If you are to buy full fare tickets it cost $20,000 for 4 people round trip. Of course it's possible to search for sales, but it will still run in the area of $10,000. And a visit is not really a solution: 2 weeks in a foreign (to them) speaking country, with foreign speaking people will just start making a small dent in their comprehension.
I would have loved to have support of extended family when they were babies, though never of my mother's - I don't want her negativity in their lives. We have our little family in a great "vacation" area by the sea, but sometimes I look at the families with branches, how they coo over new babies, and it makes me sad.
I'd like to hear from others who have no extended family around. Maybe because the family is deseased, or not on speaking terms.
We have no extended family, it's just us 4 - the parents and 2 kids. His folks are dead (and not on very good speaking terms with his brother), mine are on the other side of the planet, and I'm not on speaking terms with my mother. My daughter is starting to ask about her grandparents. I say that they live far far away and maybe one day we'll visit them. The thing is, I'm not sure if we'll visit them in the foreseeable future. If you are to buy full fare tickets it cost $20,000 for 4 people round trip. Of course it's possible to search for sales, but it will still run in the area of $10,000. And a visit is not really a solution: 2 weeks in a foreign (to them) speaking country, with foreign speaking people will just start making a small dent in their comprehension.
I would have loved to have support of extended family when they were babies, though never of my mother's - I don't want her negativity in their lives. We have our little family in a great "vacation" area by the sea, but sometimes I look at the families with branches, how they coo over new babies, and it makes me sad.
I did not know either grandparents on either side for various reasons. We had very little contact w/ my mom's side of the family minus her nephew. Same with my dad's side. Again, issues that are to detailed.
I guess that is why I am so passionate about my children growing up around their grandparents, aunts, uncles, & cousins. It's hard to explain other than I feel I really missed out in some aspects. My folks did all they could & for very good reasons we had no contact with many relatives growing up.
Luckily, my folks were blessed enough to have a healthy & happy marriage which thus transferred over to a healthy & happy childhood.
My dh & I work at making sure that our sons know their extended family on a familiar basis. It takes a lot of effort due to some things, but it's so worth it.
It's really, really tough.
I really do thank my parents for being there especially since I have had children. I don't know how they did it b/c they had no one & it was hurtful to them.
People who have broken off contact with family members many times do it for very valid reasons & it is just not easy.
Are you active in a church? The friends you can make there can be a 'family'. Not just the other young parents, but older mature couples. A lot of churches have small groups that meet in someone's home, and often people can become close like family that way.
How about any senior citizens places? I am thinking more along the lines of assisted living, not really nursing home style. Often times they love to have youngun's come and visit. So many never get to see their own grands that may live far away, or they too have no family. I bet if you called some places and asked if you could come by to visit, they would love to tell you when and who might enjoy meeting your kids.
Are there any older people in your neighborhood you could befriend? Maybe bake some cookies, bag some up, take a walk, drop by and say howdy, introduce yourselves, the kids wanted to share some cookies we made..and slip in you are far away from family and woudl love for you kids to meet some close by grand parent types....they might be tickled and lomesome too, and you might become friends.
Does you family enjoy something like camping or biking? You might check and see if there are any clubs that welcome families, and you could meet people that way too.
Just some thoughts.....
good luck...
I somewhat know your heartache. Our two sons very much have grandparents--3 sets. But we have always lived far away from them. Even when we lived closer (3 hours), it was always up to us to visit the grandparent. I have always been a little jealous of people who have parents that are close by--not only the babysitting, but dinners and birthday parties and who knows what else? So they are active in the children's lives by presents and cards and a few visits, but sometimes it gets lonely. Especially when I call home and my parents and sister and niece are all doing something together. Now we live 2,000 miles away and my parents are planning to visit--but they want to drive down and take a road trip vacation, only spending 4 days out of 2 weeks with us. It's their life and they have the right to do that, but at the same time I feel really, really sad. When we lived 8 hours away, we could make more trips to see them, but now our sons will only have two times a year to see them--when they come down and hopefully when we go up next summer. However, we have to split the summer visit three ways.
So before, its was a bit of jealously, but now my son is constantly asking for his grandparents--when can he go there, when will they come here. It wrenches my heart! Unfortunately, making additional "grandparents" is not an option; we will move sooner than later and it would only cause more heart-wrench for them. A really big part of me wants to guilt trip my parents--how will I tell my son that he will only get to see his grandparents for four days (two of which he will be in school)? Also, how will I tell him that another grandpa won't be coming with grammy to visit in October?
Crazyma offered some great advice, I hope it will work for you. Maybe teaching your children about grandma's country would help take the attention off the missing grandma.
I'd like to hear from others who have no extended family around. Maybe because the family is deseased, or not on speaking terms.
We have no extended family, it's just us 4 - the parents and 2 kids. His folks are dead (and not on very good speaking terms with his brother), mine are on the other side of the planet, and I'm not on speaking terms with my mother. My daughter is starting to ask about her grandparents. I say that they live far far away and maybe one day we'll visit them. The thing is, I'm not sure if we'll visit them in the foreseeable future. If you are to buy full fare tickets it cost $20,000 for 4 people round trip. Of course it's possible to search for sales, but it will still run in the area of $10,000. And a visit is not really a solution: 2 weeks in a foreign (to them) speaking country, with foreign speaking people will just start making a small dent in their comprehension.
I would have loved to have support of extended family when they were babies, though never of my mother's - I don't want her negativity in their lives. We have our little family in a great "vacation" area by the sea, but sometimes I look at the families with branches, how they coo over new babies, and it makes me sad.
We do not have any family nearby either. My parents are deceased and we do not see hubby's parents often. I have a picture of my parents that my children have seen and I explain they are in heaven. (Maybe you could show them pictures of your parents?) They talk to the other grandparents on the phone but there is a language barrier too. I often feel jealous of others' family around because it is a tremendous help to them but then they also get interference from them too. We just have friends and pray that someone is watching over us, all we can do.
Location: In my own little corner... sittin' in Jax FL
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We do have extended family on both sides. However for 6+ years we lived in Hawaii. All of our family is on the East Coast of the US. We pretty much did it on our own.
I found that finding a church and building a family is important. We also had a few friends in the local twins club. However, we rarely had anyone to watch the kids or just come over and share a dinner. It was kind of sad in some ways. We spent many holidays without anyone but ourselves and maybe another family that was away from their extended family.
I did not know either grandparents on either side for various reasons. We had very little contact w/ my mom's side of the family minus her nephew. Same with my dad's side. Again, issues that are to detailed.
I guess that is why I am so passionate about my children growing up around their grandparents, aunts, uncles, & cousins. It's hard to explain other than I feel I really missed out in some aspects. My folks did all they could & for very good reasons we had no contact with many relatives growing up.
Luckily, my folks were blessed enough to have a healthy & happy marriage which thus transferred over to a healthy & happy childhood.
My dh & I work at making sure that our sons know their extended family on a familiar basis. It takes a lot of effort due to some things, but it's so worth it.
It's really, really tough.
I really do thank my parents for being there especially since I have had children. I don't know how they did it b/c they had no one & it was hurtful to them.
People who have broken off contact with family members many times do it for very valid reasons & it is just not easy.
In my case, it's the other way around - I grew up with a grandmother very much involved in my life, and my kids don't get to know that special feeling. Jeez I was born when my grandmother was 45 - I'll be 45 in half a year, and still think of *maybe* having one more baby. (crazy). I didn't know about the nursing home concept until I immigrated, people just lived in multi-generational families to the end. Sometimes it was too much and looked like constant Thanksgiving dinner
Are you active in a church? The friends you can make there can be a 'family'. Not just the other young parents, but older mature couples. A lot of churches have small groups that meet in someone's home, and often people can become close like family that way.
How about any senior citizens places? I am thinking more along the lines of assisted living, not really nursing home style. Often times they love to have youngun's come and visit. So many never get to see their own grands that may live far away, or they too have no family. I bet if you called some places and asked if you could come by to visit, they would love to tell you when and who might enjoy meeting your kids.
Are there any older people in your neighborhood you could befriend? Maybe bake some cookies, bag some up, take a walk, drop by and say howdy, introduce yourselves, the kids wanted to share some cookies we made..and slip in you are far away from family and woudl love for you kids to meet some close by grand parent types....they might be tickled and lomesome too, and you might become friends.
Does you family enjoy something like camping or biking? You might check and see if there are any clubs that welcome families, and you could meet people that way too.
Just some thoughts.....
good luck...
Yeah... no, I'm not active in church. Am an atheist, being raised in the former Soviet block. I could befriend senior citizens, I know a coule of old ladies around living all alone in big post-family houses but still... it's not a family really. I'm not lacking meeting people, just that special feeling of a family. And not for myself, just for the kids.
We don't have family near either. My parents live about 10 hrs away and dh's family lives about 1500 miles away. We did live within 21 miles of my parents when our first 4 kids were little but our 5th only gets exposure to extended family about once a year. We are planning on moving in May and we will be close to dh's family but further from my parents. I feel bad for the kids not have grandparents around and sometimes it would be nice to have someone who loves me kids as much as I do around to help, but you just do the best you can and move on.
I somewhat know your heartache. Our two sons very much have grandparents--3 sets. But we have always lived far away from them. Even when we lived closer (3 hours), it was always up to us to visit the grandparent. I have always been a little jealous of people who have parents that are close by--not only the babysitting, but dinners and birthday parties and who knows what else? So they are active in the children's lives by presents and cards and a few visits, but sometimes it gets lonely. Especially when I call home and my parents and sister and niece are all doing something together. Now we live 2,000 miles away and my parents are planning to visit--but they want to drive down and take a road trip vacation, only spending 4 days out of 2 weeks with us. It's their life and they have the right to do that, but at the same time I feel really, really sad. When we lived 8 hours away, we could make more trips to see them, but now our sons will only have two times a year to see them--when they come down and hopefully when we go up next summer. However, we have to split the summer visit three ways.
So before, its was a bit of jealously, but now my son is constantly asking for his grandparents--when can he go there, when will they come here. It wrenches my heart! Unfortunately, making additional "grandparents" is not an option; we will move sooner than later and it would only cause more heart-wrench for them. A really big part of me wants to guilt trip my parents--how will I tell my son that he will only get to see his grandparents for four days (two of which he will be in school)? Also, how will I tell him that another grandpa won't be coming with grammy to visit in October?
Crazyma offered some great advice, I hope it will work for you. Maybe teaching your children about grandma's country would help take the attention off the missing grandma.
It's amazing how similar your feelings are even with 3 sets of grandparents in the same country. I was thinking of using internet calls (PC-to-PC calls are free even internationally) with web-camera, could you use that? I know that my kids would get bored in 2 minutes if they hear just voices in foreign language, so the actual faces of their grandparents would help - to maybe actually break the language barrier eventually. Thanks heavens they've got cable Internet now, but the web cameras are still a rarity. Will see. My sister is working on that side, she's more proficient in technology.
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