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This is a spin off of the other thread where the SIL was going to move far away.
Do you think there is an obligation to stay close to your family, so they can have a better chance of getting to know grandchildren etc.?
When my husband and I were first married, we had a brief talk about wanting to live elsewhere, but feeling like we should stay close to our families. We did end up moving at a later time, but not very far away.
While I wouldn't change how our lives turned out, I can say some family issues turned out much differently than I would have ever dreamed. If I would have had a crystal ball, maybe we would have made different decisions and decided to live much farther away.
I think it's hard to answer as a black or white question.... there are so many factors to consider.
For one thing, I'd feel more obligated to stay close by if I was an only child and had no siblings to help care for my parents as they age.
Also, I'd be hesitant to move away if I possessed "the only grandchild" in the family.
(Not saying I would never, just that I'd think about it a little harder.)
But then again, sometimes life necessitates a drastic move: job relocation, military placement, etc. and in those instances I think you really should do what's best for your core family. I like to think that extended family members would understand you're just acting in your family's best interest and not hold anything against you.
I love my crazy family. And want my son to be a part of them.
As do I; and my kids are part of the family.
But do you advocate NOT taking a better job, NOT moving to a better school district, NOT marrying a military man, etc... just so you can stay in the same town as an obligation to your family?
But do you advocate NOT taking a better job, NOT moving to a better school district, NOT marrying a military man, etc... just so you can stay in the same town as an obligation to your family?
I personally felt some obligation, but more so I think that my spouse did. Looking back, I wish my mindset had been a bit different.
I think though that others should make the best decisions for themselves....and if that means moving to have more opportunities, that is what they should do.
Do you think there is an obligation to stay close to your family, so they can have a better chance of getting to know grandchildren etc.?
No. Nor do most of the adults here in Colorado, I guess, since most are "transplants" from somewhere else. We lived far from both our families. Now that our kids are grown, I'd like them to stick around. But we raised them to be independent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
Obligation?
No.
Besides, there are no guarantees that living close will result in a better life than if you move away.
We did what was best for us and our family and have no regrets (not close, but not far either).
I didn't make the initial move away from my parents, they moved away from me and my family (to a warmer climate). Before my mother agreed to go though, she made my father promise to take her to visit her children no less than twice a year, and he did it for years.
I have several siblings, and my kids have 10 cousins, scattered across the country now. We did family reunions every two years, so they would have a relationship. Now that the cousins are adults, they have been trying on their own to plan another reunion, but they haven't gotten too far in the process except to confirm everybody would like to do it.
I think it's hard to answer as a black or white question.... there are so many factors to consider.
For one thing, I'd feel more obligated to stay close by if I was an only child and had no siblings to help care for my parents as they age.
Also, I'd be hesitant to move away if I possessed "the only grandchild" in the family.
(Not saying I would never, just that I'd think about it a little harder.)
But then again, sometimes life necessitates a drastic move: job relocation, military placement, etc. and in those instances I think you really should do what's best for your core family. I like to think that extended family members would understand you're just acting in your family's best interest and not hold anything against you.
Well said.
Both my husband and I are now only children and we have two younger kids. Our parents live on opposite sides of the country and we've been stuck here in NJ for a bit (jobs and me being assigned here as my last duty assignment in the military). We have a strong sense of obligation to visit them with the kids but unfortunately, our jobs have never taken us close to them. Being in the military of all our years, we went where we were assigned and many times, it was far from home.
I would have loved to live closer. As we were getting ready to get out of NJ, we've tried talking to my inlaws to joining us in the new state (they are in very poor health and in an assisted living/nursing home). No way are they open to moving. They like it exactly where they are at. They refuse to move and where they live is not where we wish to raise our kids for a variety of reasons. It is very hard and I often feel a sense of guilt. My father and step mother have no plans to move closer either. In fact, my stepmother is pressuring my father to move so she can be closer to her daughter. It is quite frustrating, especially since we've always have been the ones to travel out to see them at much expense to us. Apparently, planes don't work the other way flying from Seattle to NJ. Sorry to sound a bit bitter but the bulk of the visiting has always fallen on us.
My husband and I, in our 30 years of marriage, have never lived close to family and it is a sad thing. I do wish it could have been different but unfortunately it was not.
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