Parental role in facilitating relationships with extended family

[LovelySummer]

This. I would think twice about moving from my parents because we have a very close and healthy relationship and they contribute greatly to my and my husband's quality of life and to the quality of life of my son. My son sees my mother and sister several times a week, for example, and has a great time. My mother and sister and our entire support network is also the reason that he has never had to go to a setting outside of our home for care. That, for me, has been a blessing because I would not feel as comfortable taking him to an out-of-home location during these early years from 0-2. He is going to start now at age 2. Anyway, he loves them dearly (along with my sisters and his first cousins) and loves being around them. He is being raised with his family and the benefits are significant. If I never have another child, he will always have his boy first cousins who he is already bonding with and who will (presumably) be there for him the rest of life. This is the good side of having a strong, close-knit, healthy family. Also, my dad cannot get enough of him and comes by weekly or invites us over weekly. He also asks us about going to the zoo or aquarium together a couple of times a month. He enjoys being a grandfather immensely. He has even babysat for us in a last minute pinch when I had a last minute work assignment and my husband also was working on a last minute assignment...both on a Saturday and we had no other care established.

I think that it just depends on the relationship with the family. If there is a close and healthy relationship and you spend time with your family, then there is the normal advantage of living with family.

However, if it is that YOU are not close with your family, and the family is healthy and takes an interest in your child, I think that there could be a benefit to the CHILD of being around his/her family. You may not care bc that is your thing and your lack of closeness for whatever reason but kids don't come with all of that stuff that we may have in our past. They are a clean slate and most kids would enjoy being around grandma/grandpa (assuming grandma and grandpa have an interest in being around the children too).

Now, I say this depends on the family bc on the paternal side, my child's grandma has a little dysfunction and also no real interest in actively interacting with our child. She has never called and spoken to him once. He is 2 and would not know her if he passed her on the street. Paternal grandpa is different. She lives in another state but I still feel the need for us to visit her (even though she is the bain of my existence and has no interest in her grandchild) so that he will at least know who she is.


ETA: This is my first and last post on this matter. I think that there are some on this board that are out to try to convince everyone that being around family or getting involved in the matters of other family member's children is not important or is invasive. That is fine. Do you. However, all families are not cut from the same cloth and some actually have more of the traditional village framework for raising children and for considering the importance of children growing up with family. Therefore, I won't be responding to any questions but wanted to present my viewpoint on the matter. For anyone who feels differently, do you, no problem and good luck.

Originally Posted by mikesmom

You know what, it really depends on your personal relationship with your immediate family and if these relationships are something you can't do without close up and personal on a regular basis. If your parents are the type that you have to make an appointment to visit and only live 20 minutes away, don't like babysitting, don't do lunch or shopping with your Mom, mainly just see on holidays....then move. They aren't going to change just because you have a child. But, to me if you have very close and healthy relationships with your immediate family and would help nurture your children as they did you, I would think twice about leaving them. Of course the job opportunity of a lifetime with significant pay would allow you to fly often to visit.