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What made you change your mind? You know it would scare me if I was with a girl for a while, and she was 100% sure she never wanted kids, but later on she changed her mind. I wouldn't know what to do.
I've know some guys my age who never wants kids for personal reasons. Its pretty easy for girls to change their minds compared to guys. I guess its a guy thing.
Haha, I'm a girl! But getting sick is mainly what changed my mind. It made me realize how much I love my family and how much I want to have a family of my own. It's something that I don't mind doing on my own. I would certainly like to get married someday but I'm not going to plan my children around whether or not a potential spouse would like children or not like children. I'm adopting children and if someone comes along either before or after that happens who can handle it then I'll get married. But I want to start the adoption process by the time I'm 27 or 28. So basically in the next eight to nine years. I'm hoping, though, that I'll just meet the right person who doesn't mind having a bunch of kids, probably none of whom will be biologically related to either of us due to my medical situation. I understand why people nowadays don't want children though. It's expensive to raise kids, divorces can be messy, there's always the issue of child support if you do go through a divorce, you have to try to raise your kids right in an ever-changing society that can be tough on adolescents and make them do stupid things, and any other number of reasons that come to mind. I don't think refraining from having children is selfish at all. It is an intensely personal choice and there's no point in trying to force someone to have children if they don't want them in the first place.
Haha, I'm a girl! But getting sick is mainly what changed my mind. It made me realize how much I love my family and how much I want to have a family of my own. It's something that I don't mind doing on my own. I would certainly like to get married someday but I'm not going to plan my children around whether or not a potential spouse would like children or not like children. I'm adopting children and if someone comes along either before or after that happens who can handle it then I'll get married. But I want to start the adoption process by the time I'm 27 or 28. So basically in the next eight to nine years. I'm hoping, though, that I'll just meet the right person who doesn't mind having a bunch of kids, probably none of whom will be biologically related to either of us due to my medical situation. I understand why people nowadays don't want children though. It's expensive to raise kids, divorces can be messy, there's always the issue of child support if you do go through a divorce, you have to try to raise your kids right in an ever-changing society that can be tough on adolescents and make them do stupid things, and any other number of reasons that come to mind. I don't think refraining from having children is selfish at all. It is an intensely personal choice and there's no point in trying to force someone to have children if they don't want them in the first place.
Me, I doubt anyone who had a rough childhood and was stressed out like I am would want to have any children.
What kills me is that I can never tell if a girl wants kids or not. I wish I had osme special glasses so I would determine her personality and if she was my type.
People can be so stupid to harass others who don't want kids.
I think everybody should live their lives as they please. If this life doesn't include kids, so be it.
I'm 26 and have son who's now a little over a year. I always wanted to have a child and he'll certainly stay an only child.
Anyway I can understand people who don't want to spend their live raising a child b/c it's a big responsibility moreover some people just don't like or can't handle kids. It's better they don't have any.
In our town there are enough couples who have more than 2 or 3 kids who shouldn't have had even one b/c they can't handle them. And there are couples who can't have kids at all which is very sad for them.
My sister-in-law, who's 37 now, never wanted kids b/c she thought they are dirty loud little monsters. I guess she only met the wrong kids. Now that she sees our DS she could be willing to rethink that statement but thinks she's to old to get one now...
That said, 19 is very young to make such a decision, and 10 years of learning and living life might very well change your mind. If not, though, that's okay too.
Me, I doubt anyone who had a rough childhood and was stressed out like I am would want to have any children.
What kills me is that I can never tell if a girl wants kids or not. I wish I had osme special glasses so I would determine her personality and if she was my type.
I'm pretty upfront about it and I don't know why other girls aren't. I think at our age, most girls want to say what they think guys want to hear. But there's no point to that really. I'm not obsessive about it though. If I'm on a date and someone asks me about my future plans then I mention my intention of adopting at least three kids if not more but I don't start planning a family with my date. I think that's just weird. So far I haven't had any problems with my approach and I definitely think honesty is the best policy. If I were dating someone seriously who didn't want kids I would just be honest because there's no point in hoping that he'll change his mind. You should also be upfront about your feelings about the issue. But, even being in the same age range, people's reactions to our thoughts on children vary wildly. Most people think that I will definitely have kids when I tell them that I want them and I bet most people think that you will change your mind and want kids too. But I don't think they're trying to be rude when they tell you that, I just think they had a similar experience in their younger years and thought they'd never want kids but they are happy parents now.
I'm pretty upfront about it and I don't know why other girls aren't. I think at our age, most girls want to say what they think guys want to hear. But there's no point to that really. I'm not obsessive about it though. If I'm on a date and someone asks me about my future plans then I mention my intention of adopting at least three kids if not more but I don't start planning a family with my date. I think that's just weird. So far I haven't had any problems with my approach and I definitely think honesty is the best policy. If I were dating someone seriously who didn't want kids I would just be honest because there's no point in hoping that he'll change his mind. You should also be upfront about your feelings about the issue. But, even being in the same age range, people's reactions to our thoughts on children vary wildly. Most people think that I will definitely have kids when I tell them that I want them and I bet most people think that you will change your mind and want kids too. But I don't think they're trying to be rude when they tell you that, I just think they had a similar experience in their younger years and thought they'd never want kids but they are happy parents now.
Well its their lives, not mine. They can't judge somebody they don't even know.
LAFan, at age 19, how often does the "So why don't you have any kids" question come up? I know when I was 19 and well entrenched in college, I was never asked about plans for having children. Perhaps "So, are you seeing anyone?" or "So, when are you going to make us in-laws?" but never questions about kids. Not at 19.
Who is badgering you? Parents? Friends? Prospective girlfriends? Seems like a rather off-the-wall question and not one I would think you'd be hounded with at such a young age. Especially being a guy.
In any event, do you have an issue with just smiling and saying, "I don't think that's really any of your business."? Remember to say it with a smile so it doesn't come off as rude. It's a good statement to have at your disposal because it works in so many situations: "Got a girlfriend?" "Got a boyfriend?" "How much do you weigh?" "How much do you make?".
Question for you: do you go into rooms and announce Hey, I don't want to have any kids!!! I'm just having a hard time imagining that the topic of having or not having kids comes up frequently for a guy your age unless you are the one bringing it up.
Becoming a parent is not "Child's Play" so to speak. Like marriage, it should not be something to consider, or go into lightly. It looks much easier than it really is!!!
My husband and I adopted our two. They are my heart, and wonderful, sweet kids. But, children no matter how wonderful, are work. But again, seems like nothing worth doing comes easy or without hard work.
There are so many people in this world who I admire who are honest with themselves enough to admit they couldn't/shouldn't do it. But peer pressure, my friend, is everywhere!
Having said all of that, if you happen to come to parenthood by "accident" please don't make the child pay for it with it's life. There are too many wonderful, kind, and ever patient couples out there waiting to adopt.
I have my hat off to you for being honest. It takes a real man to tell the truth. And a even stronger man to not get himself into it by "accident."
Now being childfree, I deal with and face harassment from people who are parents or future parents whenever I bring up this subject. The only reason I bring this up is when I ask if they know any girls my age who are 100% childfree. I get called selfish, immature, too young. People always say I'll change my mind later on. My dad was kinda like that when I was a teenager because he wanted grandchildren.
Do you have a problem with people who don't want children? If your kids made the decision at a young age that they were never going wanted kids in their life, would you criticize them just for that?
I agree with a previous poster saying that if you use terms like "breeder" when referring to people who have children, you will get A LOT of negative response to anything else you might say.
I don't care if people have kids or not. I am bothered greatly by people that have kids that can't afford them and expect handouts from govt. I absolutely don't have a problem with people having kids that don't have LOTS of money. You can be kind of poor and still provide a wonderful life to a child/ren.
I sure hope people that are not very close to you are harassing you about such a personal issue. I'd react very negatively to this kind of situation and end the relationship or just ignore them completely.
If people that care about you and that you care about are "bugging" you it is for a couple of reasons. Friends of yours that have kids want you to have the same experiences they have or they feel you will drift apart. And it's true, you probably will. Parents....most want grandkids because it is kind of fun having little cute babies and small kids around to play with then send them away when they start crying. Plus, they probably are glad they had you and think you will feel the same way.
Then there are the casual acquaintences who act like you don't know what you are missing, or are selfish, or.... I think a lot of these people are not particularly happy with what their lives have become since they had kids and want everyone to be in the same boat...they are actually jealous of you. I'd say get rid of these "friends" as they are negative.
Really, if you don't want kids (yes, you might change your mind later, especially if you are a woman...it's a biological thing with some women, the hormones actually make you desire a child...and no not all women, but some), just play the whole issue down and don't get into long debates. Who are you trying to convince anyway? Just say, well I don't think I'm going to have kids, but if I change my mind I will adopt. Then change the subject. Life is to short to be arguing or stuff that is nobody's biz but your own.
LAFan, at age 19, how often does the "So why don't you have any kids" question come up? I know when I was 19 and well entrenched in college, I was never asked about plans for having children. Perhaps "So, are you seeing anyone?" or "So, when are you going to make us in-laws?" but never questions about kids. Not at 19.
Who is badgering you? Parents? Friends? Prospective girlfriends? Seems like a rather off-the-wall question and not one I would think you'd be hounded with at such a young age. Especially being a guy.
In any event, do you have an issue with just smiling and saying, "I don't think that's really any of your business."? Remember to say it with a smile so it doesn't come off as rude. It's a good statement to have at your disposal because it works in so many situations: "Got a girlfriend?" "Got a boyfriend?" "How much do you weigh?" "How much do you make?".
Question for you: do you go into rooms and announce Hey, I don't want to have any kids!!! I'm just having a hard time imagining that the topic of having or not having kids comes up frequently for a guy your age unless you are the one bringing it up.
My dad used to have a problem accepting my decision but then got used to it. My sister is still trying to discourage me from being childfree though, trying to plant stuff in my mind.
As for the question about "Why you don't want kids", I get that whenever I ask if they know any girls who are my type. My mother used to say "You'll make a good parent". I doubted.
I only had one girlfriend, and she was already talking about kids. When I confessed that I was never going to have kids, we broke up.
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