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I was referring to the celebrities because people can visualize them easier than if I just referred to me and other older couples I know. Another point (if I have to chew it up for you) was that the world has changed. Many mothers wait until their career is established to have the same often-mentioned funds to pay for college. - Older parents have more money, remember all that statistics?? Unlike probably you, who barely could provide for the growing kids. The college spooked you forever. And made you an embittered old bugger.
You based your judgement of this woman's husband solely on age. Now health coming into the picture? Try to tell people with health problems, fascist, that they can't have kids - diabetics, people with heart disease, obese people, people with spinal injury, etc etc. You may be stricken with old timers just in a couple of years, someone will have to change your poopy diapers. My point is - you never know.
Last edited by jeannie216; 08-05-2008 at 04:47 PM..
I don't see anything in my post about a couple of million. But if he won't have it, then he obviously won't be able to afford paying for college for the kid. Best not to have the kid.
You have a much better and vast audience to preach this. - Teenage parents. No millions. Sitting on their parents' shoulders or welfare. Don on your KKK gear, the vast field of work awaits you.
You didn't inquire of the OP's financial situation first before judging, did you? How about if they have much more money you ever dreamt of? What is the financial cut-off in your opinion? Who deserves to be a parent? How young people having kids will ever make over your mental financial ruler?
Twerp,
I was referring to the celebrities because people can visualize them easier than if I just referred to me and other older couples I know. Another point (if I have to chew it up for you) was that the world has changed. Many mothers wait until their career is established to have the same often-mentioned funds to pay for college. - Older parents have more money, remember all that statistics?? Unlike probably you, who barely could provide for the growing kids. The college spooked you forever. And made you an embittered old bugger.
You based your judgement of this woman's husband solely on age. Now health coming into the picture? Try to tell people with health problems, fascist, that they can't have kids - diabetics, people with heart disease, obese people, people with spinal injury, etc etc. You may be stricken with old timers just in a couple of years, someone will have to change your poopy diapers. My point is - you never know.
Touche'! Good post Nuala. Wish I could rep you again for patience and humor.
When I was 24, I had a tubal ligation. It was and still is the best thing I could have done for myself. I don't see my no-children stance ever changing; even if I did want one, I have genetic factors that end the question. And, yeah, I knew my own mind about children at that tender age. It's a lot easier to bring a child into your life than it is to get it out of your life (well, legally, anyway) and I think that there isn't enough thought put into the process for most people.
My husband is 52 and I am 34, We have been married for 9 years, We dicussed this before we got married, and I thought I would be fine with this, But 9 years later, I have changed, grown up and Not sure if it is hormones or what, But the THought of Having baby, or never having a baby is driving me crazy.
My husband has 3 adult kids from Previous marriage, One duaghter that will not call or have anything to do with either parent, One son, that Took his Life 5 years ago, and other son he is close to , had cancer growing up(they did not know if he would even make it past 14), that was heartbreaking and he is an adult now with 2 kids, and is an alcoholic, which is very heartbreaking as well to my husband.
There is now a 5 year old Grandduaghter and a newborn Grandson, from his son (he is close to).
I understand My husband point, he has had a lot of heartbreak with his kids and Considering his age and the way this world is, Having a child is not what he wants.
Sometimes I think he is being very selfish, OR is it me being Selfish?
I have never felt So sad and so Wanting a baby, My heart just hurts, and I do not know what to do or how to accept how I feel now. I fell in love with a Man older than me that does not want to have kids. I not knowing, how it would effect my life, Sacrificed at young age, a future of a family and kids, the most Purest, precious Love and gift from God a person could have. I love and respect my husband with all my heart, and I know the Lord put us together but never knew, I would feel this way. I wish my husband could understand me and want this to, but as we talk about it, It is clear, he absotluly is against having a baby.
Any advice would be apprecaited.
Don't do it. Some men do NOT want children and when the child arrives against his wishes he will S***T all over it. He will ignore it, and not cherish it as he should. You are only harming this child who will grow up to have low self esteem because everyone wonders WHY their parents don't love them if it works out like that. It;s just not fair to the child. Please don't. You can;t change men who know what they DON"T want. THink twice about this.
just seen your question ? have you sorted anything out ? , i have gone on internet tonight to look for views , i have been married for 10 years when we got married we never wanted children then could not afford them , split up due to finacial problems got back together with no money worries enjoyed each others company and a nice lifestyle now i am 36 my hubby is 41 and it has suddendly hit me i want a family , i plucked up courage and mentioned it and was not expecting what he said , i thought it woulda been a shock at first but thought he would change his mind after a week or 2 but no he does not want a family and would not of got back together if he thought i did , i coulda sworn i told him when we got back i wanted a family , but have just been waiting to make sure we was def happy and secure i am totally gutted and don't know were to turn , do i just try and get pregnant and cross fingersw everything will be ok ? i am in total turmoil as i am sure other people have been, please let me know your thoughts on this and how it turned out coz i really don't know were to go next thanks
My husband is 52 and I am 34, We have been married for 9 years, We dicussed this before we got married, and I thought I would be fine with this, But 9 years later, I have changed, grown up and Not sure if it is hormones or what, But the THought of Having baby, or never having a baby is driving me crazy.
My husband has 3 adult kids from Previous marriage, One duaghter that will not call or have anything to do with either parent, One son, that Took his Life 5 years ago, and other son he is close to , had cancer growing up(they did not know if he would even make it past 14), that was heartbreaking and he is an adult now with 2 kids, and is an alcoholic, which is very heartbreaking as well to my husband.
There is now a 5 year old Grandduaghter and a newborn Grandson, from his son (he is close to).
I understand My husband point, he has had a lot of heartbreak with his kids and Considering his age and the way this world is, Having a child is not what he wants.
Sometimes I think he is being very selfish, OR is it me being Selfish?
I have never felt So sad and so Wanting a baby, My heart just hurts, and I do not know what to do or how to accept how I feel now. I fell in love with a Man older than me that does not want to have kids. I not knowing, how it would effect my life, Sacrificed at young age, a future of a family and kids, the most Purest, precious Love and gift from God a person could have. I love and respect my husband with all my heart, and I know the Lord put us together but never knew, I would feel this way. I wish my husband could understand me and want this to, but as we talk about it, It is clear, he absotluly is against having a baby.
Any advice would be apprecaited.
I haven't read any of the other posts so forgive me if what I type is repetative. I don't think any of you are selfish. There is no right answer when it comes to having a baby. Having said that, it is extremely important you both are on the same page with having a baby or not having baby. As far as I can see there is a no win situation here. If you decide to get pregnant he will resent you and if you don't have a baby you will resent him. This is far bigger than any advice a public forum can give. Get counciling and if he refuses to go then go by yourself but strongly encourage him to join you. I'm very sorry this is happening as there is no easy decision to this type of subject.
I am sorry you're going through this. By my math, you'd have been 25 and him 43 when you got married. You mention that you "thought" you'd have been okay with not having kids, but it sort of sounds like you got swept up in the idea of marriage and went along with what he wants. Maybe that's not true, and you really thought you didn't want kids, but it doesn't sound that emphatic.
He is not being selfish. He told you how he felt before you were married. He did not change his mind, and you did. You're not being selfish either, as 23/24 is too young for many people to make up their minds about if they ever want kids -- it's one of the reasons why a doc usually won't tie the tubes of anyone that young.
He is 52, and raised 3 kids, with some drama. You have already been married for nine years. He seems to feel like he's already done the kid thing and is too tired to do it again. I don't blame him. If you had one now, he'd be 62/63 by the time it's only 10.
He has made it very clear what he wants -- or more specifically, what he does not want. If you want a baby more than anything, then you cannot stay married to your husband, as I doubt he is going to change his mind. A baby should be something he wants, not something he is coerced into. It's a dealbreaker for some people, which is why the "do you want kids" conversation is so so important before marriage, with the understanding that if either party changes their mind, it could mean the end of marriage.
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