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I would just say be damn sure before you go accusing them. This isn't the kind of thing you can take back.
I am not sure any accusing has to go on. Just have a normal parent talk you would have with any teenager who is starting to date - the responsibility for using birth control, appropriate behavior (no means no), emotional attachments, etc. Offer to buy some condoms, or just buy them and leave in the bathroom. See if they start disappearing.
Have that conversation with both kids, separately. If they are fooling around they will put 2 and 2 together and figure that you know. If they aren't fooling around, no harm has been done.
I don’t really know how to start this off. You be the judge on am I blowing this out of proportion or no.
But I’m almost certain that my Biological son 16 and steo daughter 17 are sleeping together and by that I mean they’re <edit>having sex
This will be a sort of a vent, but I will show you the evidence and you help me to decide on what should I do next. I think that I’m going crazy this makes me so ANGRY!
It provided some really great tips that I haven't seen anywhere before, not only in that article but others as well. But even though I got my emotions under control I still don't know how to sort this situation out.
I don’t have any solid evidence that they are actually having sex, but it has been super weird and all of my red flags have gone off for the past few months.
It all started few months ago, I started to notice that they are spending more time together, but it was nothing big, Step Daughter helped out my son to do his homework and they watched movies together. I thought that this is really nice! They’re finally bonding after a year of living together.
But then it started to get weird. They spent a LOT of time together. I noticed that my son very often in my step daughters room and they always close the door, so I have no idea what is going on in there. I don’t really want to break the trust of my kids and don’t storm in the room, I always knock.
But last night I woke up very early because I needed the toilet, it was about half an hour before everyone in our house wakes up and I heard my son coming out of my step daughters room. My heart was pounding and I had no idea what the hell had just happened. But do you think this is normal?
I haven’t talked to my Husband about this, how could I? I don’t have any solid evidence and I can’t possibly ask the kids, because what if I’m wrong? I really don’t know what to do can you give me any tips or ideas?
If they've been step-siblings for many years, this is very odd and sort of incestuous.
I'm assuming that they've been family for a short time. If that's the case, then it can't really be a surprise. After all, the things that attracted you to your current husband are probably the same traits that attract your son to the step-daughter. You can pick a random time and barge in on them. It's possible that they're doing something but it doesn't have to be sex. Drugs, alcohol, one giving advice to the other etc. You can also inspect their rooms when they're gone and try to figure it out without them knowing.
Tread carefully. It's possible that they're in love so you have to be sensitive to their feelings. This is awkward as ****.
You are flustered. try to be calm and rational. That's hard when one is flustered {and maybe confused}.
ANd SOME of the responses...just WOW, Just WOW!
First OP, don't overreact. They AREN'T brother and sister, so stop thinking in terms of "incest" IF you are.
Second, it sounds as if neither you nor your husband have had "THE TALK" about sex with either child, which should include the rule "NO SEX IN MY HOUSE", BUT don't expect that to stop them.
{{I had sex in my parents home since I was 12-13, even WITH THEM AT HOME {and NO not with a step, I was the product of parents married for some 40 odd years before mother passed away..}}.
If you HAVE had "THE TALK", time to have it again to reinforce it.
Teens are not only curious but will act on that curiosity at any time they think they can "get away" with it. Part of THAT problem is that too many people {parents} make sex a "taboo" regardless of who is doing what to/with whom. So they WILL try to "get away" with it!
It is a NATURAL thing -not a "dirty" thing- and Mother Nature put it there to start around ages 12-13 at puberty, and that INCLUDEs the OTHER "taboo"...Masturbation! It is for teh promotion of the species to go on. Our modern day world has set the new rules, and Mother Nature ISN'T adapting to the age of 18 or appropriateness!
Parents should NEVER be shocked their are/will/want to have sex when they are teens.
SO, OP: Don't Overreact.
OP: FIRST, tell you husband of your suspicions and get his perspective.
Second, have "THE TALK" with or again with them, each of you with your own child, then perhaps at a family meeting. Lay down ground rules, don't make them feel embarrassed, and provide birth control options. Be sure to include the "not in my house rule". The fact you are willing to provide them with the Pill and condoms MAY deter them! Meanwhile, if they are going to do it, you DON'T want a teen pregnancy!
Third, if they confess, or you think it is still going on, get the family into counseling. Perhaps you all need some perspective on each other's points. They may do it out of retaliation and want to get caught to break you and hubby up, for instance. Or They may simply be curious teens, or they may actually being falling in love and would have even if you hadn't married hubby.
Be a parent. DON'T just confront them or try to catch them. That would be wrong and may end disasterously and you will get their "I HATE YOU" speech!. They are treading adult territory, treat them like adults and have the discussion, but still BE a parent who sets the rules.
{think of it as advice you would/will be giving them as they go off to college away from home.} If you handle this well they may stop on their own, or you may find out they may not be doing ANY sexual things at all. Most of all, you should be able to make them feel like you have treated them as an adult and with love and concern in a POSITIVE way, and actual might love the coaching from their parents.
{If nothing else, you can't stop it. They will find bushes to do it in and might get arrested for indecent or public lewd act, you certainly don't want that.}
I don’t really know how to start this off. You be the judge on am I blowing this out of proportion or no.
But I’m almost certain that my Biological son 16 and steo daughter 17 are sleeping together and by that I mean they’re <edit>having sex
This will be a sort of a vent, but I will show you the evidence and you help me to decide on what should I do next. I think that I’m going crazy this makes me so ANGRY!
It provided some really great tips that I haven't seen anywhere before, not only in that article but others as well. But even though I got my emotions under control I still don't know how to sort this situation out.
I don’t have any solid evidence that they are actually having sex, but it has been super weird and all of my red flags have gone off for the past few months.
It all started few months ago, I started to notice that they are spending more time together, but it was nothing big, Step Daughter helped out my son to do his homework and they watched movies together. I thought that this is really nice! They’re finally bonding after a year of living together.
But then it started to get weird. They spent a LOT of time together. I noticed that my son very often in my step daughters room and they always close the door, so I have no idea what is going on in there. I don’t really want to break the trust of my kids and don’t storm in the room, I always knock.
But last night I woke up very early because I needed the toilet, it was about half an hour before everyone in our house wakes up and I heard my son coming out of my step daughters room. My heart was pounding and I had no idea what the hell had just happened. But do you think this is normal?
I haven’t talked to my Husband about this, how could I? I don’t have any solid evidence and I can’t possibly ask the kids, because what if I’m wrong? I really don’t know what to do can you give me any tips or ideas?
If your suspicions are correct, this is a dream scenario for your son. Why don't you ask your son what the status of the situation is?
I had a close friend, a girl a year younger than me on our street that told me her experience later on in life. When we were kids we would stay out till the lights came on in the neighborhood. Most kids went back in at that time. For some reason her and I would stay out longer talking about life and what ever. We were more like best friends. Although I had thoughts of dating her or at least getting a kiss that never happened.
She started dating a guy in high school her Senior year. He was in the Navy. The last day of school she runs off with him and gets married. She leaves the area and it was almost as she had vanished. Her sisters tell me she got married and moved to Oklahoma.
More years pass, she has three kids, her mom gets sick and she ends up back at her moms to help out for a few months. We catch up at a barBQ. Turns out she had the same feelings for me way back when. In fact her sisters tell us that the only two people that did not know we liked each other was the two of us.
During that time we catch up. She opens up about her life as a kid. She tells me that spending time with me on the street in the evenings was more of a life saver for her. she tells me she hated that street except for the times we spent together talking and playing as kids. She says that is the reason she left because of the pain from living on that street. She then starts telling me about her two brothers and what they had done to her from the time she was 10 years old. At 9 she started to develop. By 10 she looked like she was 16. She told me that not only her two brothers but an uncle and a cousin would have sex with her. That lasted all the way up till high school. She told me staying out late was a way she tried to escape it.
All these guys were under 18 when this all started. Just kids.
That is sick. I am sorry that happened to her. Obviously this is not mutual experimentation nor was it consensual. I didn't clarify but assumed people knew I meant kids which are close in age, or sometimes maturity plays a part.
You were a very good friend to her, I am glad she felt comfortable to open up. Not accusing you whatsoever but just be careful. She is married and it appears the trauma likely played into her running off so young. You should be proud of the way you handled her back then, you had a very big impact upon her life from then on out. Good job
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