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Another idea: You could write to ALL of your childs teachers in email, explaining what happened and the lame response you got from principal and that you are very concerned about the safety of your daughter. Ask that they please watch out for any instances of bullying or mean behavior, however slight. Explain that the playing field is not level since your daughter is in a wheelchair and your daughter needs help (save the legal aspect for the principal - teachers will shy away from legal issues).
Maybe 1-2 of the teachers will actually help, but most will watch. They may do things like have a nice student walk with your daughter to her next class. This could help her make more friends that will protect her. Frankly, this type of behavior is already encouraged at schools that are good with inclusion (but many are not).
In the meantime, the principal will SQURIM and suddenly do the right thing, since this has now become public with his staff. There ARE legal issues involved when there is bullying, especially when a disability is part of the situation.
I strongly advocate private school for all kids, but especially for situations like this. Many Catholic schools are very cheap and many don't focus on religion at all if that's a hangup. As a parent anyone still using the government run dumb-down-factories is doing a disservice to their child by not shopping around.
I assume that your daughter is shy, so perhaps building up her confidence is a good thing, but not to the point of being mean like the girls she's struggling with. She needs to be able to tell the people who are using/abusing/making fun of her, etc. "So what would you like me to do about this? It's not like I can change. How would you feel if our roles were reversed; my name is _____ and I'm normal in plenty of other ways"
I strongly advocate private school for all kids, but especially for situations like this. Many Catholic schools are very cheap and many don't focus on religion at all if that's a hangup. As a parent anyone still using the government run dumb-down-factories is doing a disservice to their child by not shopping around.
I assume that your daughter is shy, so perhaps building up her confidence is a good thing, but not to the point of being mean like the girls she's struggling with. She needs to be able to tell the people who are using/abusing/making fun of her, etc. "So what would you like me to do about this? It's not like I can change. How would you feel if our roles were reversed; my name is _____ and I'm normal in plenty of other ways"
You paint with a very broad brush. Many public schools would never allow such a situation to arise and would take preemptive action to include kids with special needs and to create an atmosphere where bullying is viewed very negatively by students, staff, teachers, and administration. Not all private schools are equal - I worked with kids from all kinds of schools, public, parochial, non-religious private ranging from very academically oriented to very free-spirited, Montessori, and fundamentalist private schools. None of the administrators of the various schools would have looked kindly upon such behavior, but their reactions towards the perps would have varied widely.
Also, many, if not most of the public schools in my area did a decent job of educating their students. Some were outstanding. Some were merely adequate. None were "dumb-down factories". Much depended on parental involvement and the socio-economic level of the families these schools served. Unlike private schools, public schools cannot pick and choose their students- all are included.
I do agree with your second paragraph above. OP, empowering your daughter to be a self-advocate as much as possible is a good thing. However, in the heat of the moment in which her wheelchair was grabbed and rolled around, and while several girls are verbally abusing her, I doubt if the cool and measured response suggested above would be effective or even heard.
The situation sounds like something from "Lord of the Flies", in which a child who is perceived to be different and weaker is therefore viewed as an outsider, undesirable and victimized. Emotional excitement builds, as the drama of the situation increases, with the victimized one trying to defend themself while others join in the torment, which they consider fun and entertaining. There is always a "leader" or sometimes two or three leaders in such situations. Adolescent development makes such situations more likely, with hormones affecting emotion and intellect still immature. It is crucial that adults in charge of children involved in such situations keep control over them - leaving kids alone is asking for trouble.
I know - I was bullied in the locker room after gym class, back in seventh grade. I was not disabled in any way (well, I wore glasses, but that wasn't why I was picked on) but I was the youngest in my class and one of the smallest, shortest kids, and my mother kept me dressed more like a child than a teen (I was only eleven; some of the others were as old as thirteen and as tall as full grown adults). The gym teacher never set foot in the locker room after gym class, although the voices of the bullies - as well as my own voice, and the voices of a very few fellow targets - must have risen. I also had homework stolen from my notebook...again, the school did little other than allow me to re-do it. There was no effort made to locate the thief, although my work would have been easily identifiable, even if recopied, as it was diagrams and examples of sentences for English grammar class.
Most of those "mean kids" don't show up at class reunions nowadays, and none of them ever apologized to me or as far as I know, to anyone else they bullied. Few of them were successful in later life, whereas I did rather well professionally. But I still resent what happened then - it was so unfair, and so undeserved. I kept quiet around my parents, however, because I didn't want to be viewed as ratting out my bullying classmates. The principal was rather wimpish, anyway, and I doubt that he would have done anything. But the gym teacher was remiss in not supervising goings-on, and for that matter, not picking up on body language and other clues during gym class itself. I always tried to be first in the locker room so I could change quickly and get out - but that was not always possible, and not always effective.
But here it is, over 55 years later, and the memory of being bullied still stings.
So OP, protect your daughter. Read over the various suggestions here and do whatever you think would work best in her situation. Make absolutely sure she knows that you love her, want to help her, think she is just the best kid ever, that NONE of this is her fault in any way, and that you are outraged with those stupid kids who are picking on her and with the school's lack of response. Keep advocating for her. If the school doesn't take effective action, do look into putting her into school elsewhere. Also do what you can to encourage any positive friendships with classmates which she may have. While you should be her best ally, they can be allies, too.
I need some good advice on what to do about my 15 year old disabled daughter that is getting some bullying in school that has been bad but as of 3 days ago got real bad. My daughter is stuck in a wheel chair and has trouble getting around but does okay. The problem is ever since she started HS she has had a bullying problem, in particular a group of 4 girls she says make fun of her and are mean to her.
They have done things such as make fun of her, write nasty/mean things on her facebook, talked bad about her to a boy she liked etc. I have talked to the school and they always say they'll do something but they don't. Anyway it really all came to a head 3 days ago when during class when the teacher went out one of the girls grabbed her wheel chair and started wheeling her around the class room! She said many of the students started laughing and as expected was awful for her. She said it went on for about 5 minutes but she was too embarrassed to tell the teacher when she came back.
I was furious and talked to the school and as before they just said they'd "look into it". Which I guess means they don't care. She doesn't want to go back but I have had her go telling her to see if anything like that happens again. Now I am a single father, mother couldn't cope with her disability and left when she was 11. As a father if it were boys I would give them a talking to but being girls I know my options are limited and feel horrible for my daughter.
Is this true? Back in the 80's if you made fun of a mentally or physically disabled kid it is likely you, yourself would get your ass kicked or at the very least be shunned by the other students.
Last edited by magicturtle; 01-24-2016 at 01:58 PM..
Reason: spell
Grabbing and pushing a person around in a wheelchair against their will is against the law. I don't know if its assault, but it isn't legal. I'd be beyond furious.
I wouldn't want her to be more isolated by having her homeschool...but I think it is ok to take a few days off to wait for the school to crack some heads (get a lawyer if you have to, call the police, etc).
Another option is looking into smaller private schools in your area that would be more inclusive with her and teach more tolerance.
Contact your local news media outlet. There's nothing worse to a school than negative press. You can also inform the principal or superintendent's office about all of these incidents and that if they aren't handled, you'll go to the press.
possibly the best advice...the media is full of vultures but it doesn't mean you shouldn't use that to your advantage
I'm betting you could get an attorney to take this on pro bono if you can't afford it. If it was me, I'd be talking to attorneys now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
Raise hell. That's inexcusable behavior.
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Originally Posted by parentologist
Go to the commissioner of Ed in your state. Tell them if not, you are going to the media. Put a bodycam on your daughter. Go in and see principal, say you want those girls expelled. Get a lawyer and sue district. This is horrible.
All of the above. Immediately. I have steam coming out of my ears, I'm so angry about this.
So I have talked with my daughter and she said she's really scared of what the girls may do next. I told her not to worry that she doesn't have to go to school till this is sorted out one way or another. I did make sure the girls were blocked from her Facebook where looking at previous messages they have said some VERY mean stuff. The "ring leader" is a girl named Amanda and she is quite popular at the school, she is a cheer leader and has well-connected parents. I will talk to the principal tomorrow and if I am not satisfied with her answer on how things are going will talk to the superintendent.
I am really surprised the principal was so willing to blow it off as just "girl stuff" and not realize how bad it is or could be.
To help make her feel better I am going to take her to get a mani/pedicure since she loves those and out to eat. Girls really can be ruthless. I realize some may grow out of it but have any of you worked with women that are this mean?
So I have talked with my daughter and she said she's really scared of what the girls may do next. I told her not to worry that she doesn't have to go to school till this is sorted out one way or another. I did make sure the girls were blocked from her Facebook where looking at previous messages they have said some VERY mean stuff. The "ring leader" is a girl named Amanda and she is quite popular at the school, she is a cheer leader and has well-connected parents. I will talk to the principal tomorrow and if I am not satisfied with her answer on how things are going will talk to the superintendent.
I am really surprised the principal was so willing to blow it off as just "girl stuff" and not realize how bad it is or could be.
To help make her feel better I am going to take her to get a mani/pedicure since she loves those and out to eat. Girls really can be ruthless. I realize some may grow out of it but have any of you worked with women that are this mean?
Please don't drop this because the ring leaders parents are well connected . Who gives a flying flip who they are maybe they have relied on this to smooth things over that their precious lil snowflake does .I can guarantee you these girls have done this before and the principal referred to bullying as girl stuff ? Yeah I would be in her wazoo so tight I would know what she had for breakfast , that woman is ridiculous referring bullying to girl stuff . I think you should raise holly h*ll and let the wrath fall upon them . Get yourself an attorney and sue sue sue . This school is not taking this seriously and I would definitely teach them a lesson on how not to refer to bullying as girl stuff .
Last edited by phonelady61; 01-25-2016 at 05:43 AM..
Reason: spelling
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