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Thanks for your input, it's very thought-provoking. I never thought that I was really that bad, "constructing a shell around his mind". I always considered myself a very open-minded parent. I fully supported my older son when he came out of the closet. I supported this one when he declared himself an atheist. But it didn't occur to me to be open-minded enough support racist, misogynistic memes. I'll have to think about that.
Ok so that was a little sarcastic? Lol mind control is over the top. But my parents were hard core anti-guns. My brother became a gun enthusiast. They were feminists. I still hate the term and my teens and early 20s I was anti-fem. I actually kind of hated women (I am one). There is more then that, but it is true a child might rebel against strong feelings of a parent. So...it is something to think about. Not that you have to put up with it on your device you pay for. But expecting him to feel the way you do could backfire.
It's never OK to joke about rape. I've been to several comedy shows and while there's joking about casual sex and sex in general, I've never heard anyone joke about rape.
Joking about rape does reinforce bad behavior because it minimizes it and makes it seem OK and culturally acceptable. I can't even comprehend how you can think joking about racism is not acceptable but forcing a woman to have sex against her will is something that can be the subject of a joke.
I recently went to the "Oddball comedy fest" which had Amy Schumer, Aziz Ansari and 7 other comedians. 3 of the 6 other "opening" acts which got about 20 minutes each had several jokes about rape, sexual assault, pedofelia, etc.
It wasnt my cup of tea, don't think it's funny either. But as the parent of a teen, and as someone who wasnt a teen THAT long ago (well, 20 years, lol), I remember joking about stuff like that, even racist stuff. Although I will not tolerate the racism and realize now it's bad.
I'm not condoning it, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing
Teenagers do not understand the life altering consequences of owning a cell phone. A very close personal friend of mine just watched their 15 year old son get arrested for production of child pornogrophy for taking a picture of his butt and sending it to a friend with the caption of "you can kiss my @@@". The picture was resent and would up on a girls phone, her parents were checking her messages and found it and called the cops. HE NEVER EVEN SENT THE PICTURE TO HER!! The cops traced the picuture back to him.
His family is desperatly trying to reach a plea agreement for a lesser charge. IF he is convicted, he will have to register as a sex offender for the REST OF HIS LIFE.
He won't be able to get into college, never have a federal, state, or county job.
Please parents, take the cell phones away from your teenagers. They don't need them. We grew up without them. Make them wait untill they are 18.
Just look at the news, hundreds of teens have been arrested for this across the country.
We did take the phone away when he did it again and have been trying to decide what to do ever since. I think you all have convinced me. We will just get him a flip phone with calls/text only. That last post made me want to make sure it doesn't have a camera either.
I'm a little jealous that my parents had it so much easier without smart phones and the internet. But then again, having his grades/tardies/etc at my fingertips is pretty nice!
1. he has a cell phone with NO DATA PLAN. It's not a smart phone, it's a flip phone meant for voice use
2. he has a LIMITED text plan, he can only send so many texts and we can see it. He doesnt abuse it because he cant, he runs out of texts quickly
3. we have passwords on ALL the computers, tablets, etc, his internet use is monitored and he's not on social media (although that might be changing soon)
If we find he has been looking at something objectionable, he gets a warning, after that, loses all computer priviliges for a week. It's been pretty effective.
It my kid was doing that with the texts, I would have my provider shut down SMS (text) to the phone
OP, 1st I want to say I'm glad to see a you're a caring parent who's on top of things. I raised two boys, thank gawd before cell phones and the internet. I would have lost it if I heard them making jokes like your son did. Sex jokes I could handle easy. Talking about getting laid, no problem. But this stuff sounds bad, worse than the norm, imo.
Rape is never funny, nor the rest of what he sent. I'd also worry if this was a stage or if my son was bad at heart. Only you know if other things in his life point in a bad direction. I think I would consider therapy. Taking the phone is warranted, but I also know how a kid feels ostracized from their peers without one. My son just didn't think a kid needed one, and I fought for my grand daughter to have one. They do monitor her use though, or they did. She's 16 now and a great kid.
I disagree with the posters saying a 14 deserves privacy. Its a parents job to keep up on what they're doing. I bet the parents of all the teenage shooters wish they had. The ones that lived anyway. You cannot take any bad behavior for granted. Odds are they're just acting out or doing it for shock value, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also think kids need and want boundaries. They're not equipped yet to make good decisions for themselves, they need firm guidelines set.
But it didn't occur to me to be open-minded enough support racist, misogynistic memes. I'll have to think about that.
OK, wait wait wait ...
I don't think Gloria was suggesting that you SUPPORT racism and misogyny. Regardless of how many people joke about that, it's NOT okay!!!
Yes, those are terrible things, and yes, there are comedians who make lots of money joking about those things. But there is a reason those comedy shows are 18+.
The fact that you've specifically shown your 14-year-old those particular movies you mentioned, which came out WELL BEFORE he was born, suggests that you intentionally showed them to him in an attempt to teach him something. And while Schindler's List was a well-done movie, (Mississippi Burning - not so much), they are NOT documentaries.
It sounded to me like Gloria's point is that he may have been beaten over the head (figuratively, of course) by you about those VERY HEAVY and disturbing subjects, and now he is rebelling against that in trying to figure out who the hell he is.
And he obviously is using those themes to relate to this new friend, which has its own relevance. I have a feeling there is a WHOLE lot more to this situation, which is why many of us are suggesting family therapy.
You don't need to "think about that" any more. You've been OVERthinking. It's time for action. ASAP
Ok so that was a little sarcastic? Lol mind control is over the top. But my parents were hard core anti-guns. My brother became a gun enthusiast. They were feminists. I still hate the term and my teens and early 20s I was anti-fem. I actually kind of hated women (I am one). There is more then that, but it is true a child might rebel against strong feelings of a parent. So...it is something to think about. Not that you have to put up with it on your device you pay for. But expecting him to feel the way you do could backfire.
Maybe it wasn't created by your parents, you just think that's why and blame them.
Mine didn't rebel, nor did they develop opposite personalities.
Variable differences I think.
I recently went to the "Oddball comedy fest" which had Amy Schumer, Aziz Ansari and 7 other comedians. 3 of the 6 other "opening" acts which got about 20 minutes each had several jokes about rape, sexual assault, pedofelia, etc.
It wasnt my cup of tea, don't think it's funny either. But as the parent of a teen, and as someone who wasnt a teen THAT long ago (well, 20 years, lol), I remember joking about stuff like that, even racist stuff. Although I will not tolerate the racism and realize now it's bad.
I'm not condoning it, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing
Help me understand why it's not OK to joke about racism but it is OK to joke about sexually assaulting a woman. I can't see how either is OK so I'm interested to know what makes jokes about rape acceptable.
Maybe it wasn't created by your parents, you just think that's why and blame them.
Mine didn't rebel, nor did they develop opposite personalities.
Variable differences I think.
Did you have extreme beliefs and force your children to believe the same?
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It's never OK to joke about rape. I've been to several comedy shows and while there's joking about casual sex and sex in general, I've never heard anyone joke about rape. 
