Teen stepdaughter's inappropriate behavior (parent, wife, girl, daughter)

[dadabove]

I've been married for about a year to the mother of my 17 year-old stepdaughter.

Until about two months ago, sd17 acted appropriately toward me as a new member of her immediate family.

Recently, however, in my opinion, she's persisted at inappropriately trying to flirt with me, almost like she's competing with her mother for my attention or affection - I'm not sure.

She's been calling me "Daddy" when she used to call me by my first name.

She's been wearing shorter and shorter skirts with more revealing tops around me, especially when her mother is at work.

She goes out of her way to cozy up next to me on the sofa when watching TV. And recently she'll approach me and try to sit on my lap, trying to act all cute.

I tried to gently tell her to knock it off, but it only seems to make her try harder.

I've told her mother to talk with her, but her mother doesn't want to confront her daughter or acknowledge the inappropriateness of the behavior.

My wife's general attitude seems to be for me to handle specific incidences of inappropriate behavior as they happen, especially since much of it happens when my wife is not here.

I feel hesitant to discipline a 17 year-old girl who I've only known now for a little more than two years. I don't have any kids of my own, so my parenting experience is close to nonexistent.

[citylove101]

Since Mom is clearly in denial, you do have to handle this. You will have to be as forceful and direct as possible in telling her that her behavior is inappropriate, why it's inappropriate, and that you won't tolerate it anymore. But be prepared for the girl to start acting out after your "rejection," or to go screaming and whining to Mom about how you're so mean. So alert your wife beforehand that you're going to start taking a hard line on this, and that life at home might be very volatile until her daughter gets the point.

I also wonder what her relationship was with her birth father, and how it plays into this. That is something you should ask your wife as it might provide information that could help you deal with this. Yes, this could just be a confused, immature girl's attempt to compete with Mommy, now that you're on the scene and she doesn't have Mom all to herself anymore. But it could also point to past instances of abuse. Either way, you have to put your foot down. And if there is any past abuse that you discover, seek therapeutic help for both daugher and mother.