10 yr old refuses to wash hair (meal, boy, play, friends)
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My 10 yr old daughter has been refusing to wash her hair. She will shower and put a very small amount of shampoo on the top of her head and allow it to wash off. However, she refuses to actually wash her hair via rubbing the shampoo into her hair. As a result, the tope of her hair looks greasy and disgusting from the moment she steps out of the shower.
I asked my daughter why she likes her hair greasy. Response was 1) so her fine hair lays flatter than it already is and 2) it is easier to put into a bun for dance.
Last night I drew the line and insisted she re-wash her hair. She looked at me and calmly said 'no'. OMG. I told her she would lose her phone, kindle and TV. She said 'I don't care'. I sent her to her room. She didn't care.
She utterly refuses to wash her hair. Advice? Do I stubbornly continue to enforce the takeaways? Or give in under the idea of choosing my battles? This child is gifted in intelligence and normal in every other way. She's just brutally stubborn. BTW - I am a single parent so there's no backup to help me.
I have read through most of the responses here and I guess I don't understand why it has to be your way or her way and that's it. Can't you sit down with her and ask her for in depth reasoning for not washing the hair? I mean, just wanting it to lay flat can be accomplished with washing the hair and using the right products but does she know that? Is she afraid to wash her hair in case of the way it may turn out? Has someone been making fun of her for having non-flat hair?
I don't know....if my daughter just gave me the one reason for not washing I would have a bunch of these follow up questions. Then you can get to the real reason. At the same time, you can teach her how to problem solve while you both work on a solution together.
I understand the frustration of not listening to you when you say to take a bath (I have a 10 yo who is in the same boat. She hates taking baths because they take too much time but she will do it when told.....with a lot of grumbling. But it is always such a process to get her to finally get there!). And the natural inclination is to start punishing for not obeying. But I really think that this situation calls for a sit down, non-judgemental conversation. You give your reasons and she gives hers so that you can come to an understanding.
My 10 yr old daughter has been refusing to wash her hair. She will shower and put a very small amount of shampoo on the top of her head and allow it to wash off. However, she refuses to actually wash her hair via rubbing the shampoo into her hair. As a result, the tope of her hair looks greasy and disgusting from the moment she steps out of the shower.
I asked my daughter why she likes her hair greasy. Response was 1) so her fine hair lays flatter than it already is and 2) it is easier to put into a bun for dance.
Last night I drew the line and insisted she re-wash her hair. She looked at me and calmly said 'no'. OMG. I told her she would lose her phone, kindle and TV. She said 'I don't care'. I sent her to her room. She didn't care.
She utterly refuses to wash her hair. Advice? Do I stubbornly continue to enforce the takeaways? Or give in under the idea of choosing my battles? This child is gifted in intelligence and normal in every other way. She's just brutally stubborn. BTW - I am a single parent so there's no backup to help me.
Many people don't wash their hair. I don't wash mine in the summer time. Look up how to take care of hair without shampooing.
Treat her to a salon visit, and have the stylist teach her how to deal with her fine hair. This isn't one of those battles worth dying on a hill for, but it is unattractive. On the other hand, I keep reading that if you can stand to go without shampoo, within six months of not using it, your hair and scalp will be very healthy. I could never last 6 months.
Less than six months. Usually your hair is good within 3-4 weeks of stopping shampoo use.
I am retired, so to many I would now be an old fogie. If I even tried to pull that crap on my mom I would have been pushing up daisy's. It is your home, you make the rules and if she doesn't like them tell her to find another place to live. Now, that said, if she doesn't want to wash her hair every night, then set a timeframe that makes you happy and enforce it. If she refuses, you suggest she find a home to live in that will allow her to do as she sees fit, and in the mean time, if no shampoo, then one by one, TV - gone, phone - gone, dance - gone, any and all activities other than school.
Sorry, in my home the parent is the parent and negotiations are not part of the deal.
Its the daughter's hair. We all need some autonomy over our own bodies.
My (now 10 yr. old) who decided she wanted to donate her long hair to charity, is now asking to dye her hair. (Ugh)! I see pink in our future, but if I allow it, it will be over the summer break from school and it will be the "wash-out" kind!
Let them live a little. They are going to have to make big decisions later, so let them practice with small decisions.
I can already predict the outcome of my kids temporary dye job... "MOM! I look like a clown"
(Hate to say "I told you so").
My friend's daughter has had her hair every shade and combination of shades possible. Not only that but she's had as many styles as her age in years too. Mohawk, fauxhawk, bob, skrillex style, completely bald, long hair, short hair etc. LOL She is one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life. She is in the gifted class, perfect grades, involved with school and her community and just an all around cool girl. I love seeing what she is going to come up with next. LOL
Your the parent. She lives in your home. You make the rules. Kids can make their own rules when they are paying the bills and living on their own.
I also would not send her to her room. I bet that she has her own TV, Game System, internet, what ever else in there as well?
Until she wants to follow your rules I would put her to work. She can cook and clean. she can organize the book shelf. Have her do it again once it is done.
Your the parent. She lives in your home. You make the rules. Kids can make their own rules when they are paying the bills and living on their own.
I also would not send her to her room. I bet that she has her own TV, Game System, internet, what ever else in there as well?
Until she wants to follow your rules I would put her to work. She can cook and clean. she can organize the book shelf. Have her do it again once it is done.
She is not your friend she is your daughter.
What decisions are children allowed to make for themselves? NONE?
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