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I'm with you on this! Counseling for cleaning, making breakfast and having an after school job? Strange that people would recommend that.
I don't think that people are concerned that the teen daughter does some or even a lot of help around the house, but that she refuses to go to HS parties and other HS activities because it is "laundry night" or " vacuum night".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostfacefan
Ever since she was around 14, she's had this incessant need to take care of me and I guess watch out for me.
And, it appears that she has been "obsessed" with caring for her father and "watching out for him." Sort of a role reversal where she is acting as the parent and her dad is the child unable to take care of himself.
Also, the daughter has a scholarship to go a great University and her Dad wants her to go to that University but the daughter refuses to go to a college unless it is less than 30 minutes away so that she can live at home to continue to care for her father.
Personally, I think that Dad needs the counseling to learn how to became a responsible adult & parent.
Is it a long term, serious problem? Maybe yes, and maybe no. Only time will tell.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-14-2014 at 08:16 PM..
I don't think that people are concerned that the teen daughter does some or even a lot of help around the house, but that she refuses to go to HS parties and other HS activities because it is "laundry night" or " vacuum night".
And, it appears that she has been "obsessed" with caring for her father and "watching out for him." Sort of a role reversal where she is acting as the parent and her dad is the child unable to take care of himself.
Also, the daughter has a scholarship to go a great University and her Dad wants her to go to that University but the daughter refuses to go to a college unless it is less than 30 minutes away so that she can live at home to continue to care for her father.
Personally, I think that Dad needs the counseling to learn how to became a responsible adult & parent.
Is it a long term, serious problem? Maybe yes, and maybe no. Only time will tell.
That's why I mentioned the movie. I understand your point. I just think she's obviously doing well since she was able to get a scholarship and is responsible. Therapy seems extreme to me. She doesn't want to go to parties, well yeah that's unusual but not necessarily a bad thing. Might be just socially awkward...I think that's okay.
let me clarify, in my 18 years as a parent. I have, many thousands of times, cleaned the house, washed and folded the laundry, and, while I may not be Bobby Flay, have put together some great meals. By " immature" I mean I do things like blare Eminem music when I dropped her off at school until she was 16. 3 weeks ago, we had a " food fight". I'll wake her up in the summer sometimes with a water gun. I'm not immature in that I'm a lazy parent. As far as her high school social life it's not that she doesn't have one, she goes out most weekends, but when she doesn't it's because she feels obligated to clean. I don't know why the thought of " Oh, he can't do it himself" Would enter into her mind, I proved from the time her mom left until she turned 14 that I could do it solo. I have a decade of proof showing " Dad can cook, clean, and do laundry" As my dad used to say " Not my first rodeo". My theory is that her thought process of " I lost my mom, I'm not about to leave Dad." or, it could be " Poor Dad, Mom left him, I don't wanna " leave" him too." That's how I think she views colleges more than 30min away, as leaving me, thinking I'll just sit by the window waiting for her to come back
Last edited by Ghostfacefan; 08-14-2014 at 09:03 PM..
let me clarify, in my 18 years as a parent. I have, many thousands of times, cleaned the house, washed and folded the laundry, and, while I may not be Bobby Flay, have put together some great meals. By " immature" I mean I do things like blare Eminem music when I dropped her off at school until she was 16. 3 weeks ago, we had a " food fight". I'll wake her up in the summer sometimes with a water gun. I'm not immature in that I'm a lazy parent. As far as her high school social life it's not that she doesn't have one, she goes out most weekends, but when she doesn't it's because she feels obligated to clean. I don't know why the thought of " Oh, he can't do it himself" Would enter into her mind, I proved from the time her mom left until she turned 14 that I could do it solo. I have a decade of proof showing " Dad can cook, clean, and do laundry" As my dad used to say " Not my first rodeo". My theory is that her thought process of " I lost my mom, I'm not about to leave Dad." or, it could be " Poor Dad, Mom left him, I don't wanna " leave" him too." That's how I think she views colleges more than 30min away, as leaving me, thinking I'll just sit by the window waiting for her to come back
Thank you for the clarification.
Frankly, your comments that she does out on the weekends makes me feel better about the situation. From your first posts, it sounded like she always choose cooking, cleaning and laundry over a typical HS social life.
I am still a little concerned about her not wanting to leave you to go away to college. Of course, many 18 year olds live at home during the first year or two (or more of college) but it is usually to save money or because their parents can not afford to pay for a college dorm room & the other college living expenses or because they are too immature to handle life away from home.
Your daughter's reason to choose a college close enough so that she can live at home appears to be different than that. In your original posts it sounded like she did not trust you to take care of yourself without her help. Perhaps, you should have an open and honest discussion with her of why she decided on only attending a college where she could live at home.
I think you are a loving and awesome dad. Maybe time to make a few adjustments. But so many dads bail. If there is bumps along the way, of course! I still advocate therapy. But you sound like a good guy
I think you are a loving and awesome dad. Maybe time to make a few adjustments. But so many dads bail. If there is bumps along the way, of course! I still advocate therapy. But you sound like a good guy
I'm just a 17 yr/o teenager but finding girls like her it's hard. She's wifey material. 100%. Now, as long as it doesn't bother her and she wants to do it and you don't force her, what's the deal ?Some people like to do sports, other do drugs, alcohol, others stay at home and play videogames, and she likes taking care of you and the house, there's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. There's many young females nowadays who go half naked at the club and might get raped by some old dude and they become parents without even knowing who the father is.
She was 4 when her mom left. She had her at 16, felt overwhelmed by motherhood and left.
That still "comes back on them." My son was only 9 months old when his mother left us, but the fact that his mother left him still hit him hard as a young teenager when he was old enough to contemplate what it meant.
Sounds like you have a responsible daughter. Consider yourself lucky.
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