Do you require your daughter's date to come to the front door of your house? (child support, babysitter)
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I would want my son to go to the door and say hello to the parents. I would want a boy to do the same for my daughter. If my daughter were driving, sure, go to the door and say hello. It's a manners issue, not a gender issue. And chivalry is really just a form of good manners.
When I was a teenager (quite a while ago!) I think my parents trusted me pretty well regarding who I decided to spend time with. However, they almost never trusted that teenagers would be good drivers. So it was pretty rare that they would let anyone pick me up for anything (irrespective of whether it was going out with friends or on a date). Either they drove me or I drove myself. In order for someone to pick me up by car they had to know the kid really well, not just a quick hello and handshake.
Is this uncommon? I'm a little surprised that it hasn't come up already in this long thread.
Well when my kids turned 16 they had the rule that there was to be only one passenger in the car for the first 6 months and I encouraged them to drive as much as possible. They also knew that they were not to be in the car with a new driver for first 6 months. I was scared to death of teen drivers in our close to Atlanta community. The interstate around Atlanta is deadly and of course that is where the action was. So we had strict rules about no interstate driving or being a passenger till they were about 17.5.
Well when my kids turned 16 they had the rule that there was to be only one passenger in the car for the first 6 months and I encouraged them to drive as much as possible. They also knew that they were not to be in the car with a new driver for first 6 months. I was scared to death of teen drivers in our close to Atlanta community. The interstate around Atlanta is deadly and of course that is where the action was. So we had strict rules about no interstate driving or being a passenger till they were about 17.5.
Insurance industry statistics indicate that having a teenaged male in the front passenger seat increases the chances of anyone having an accident above what that driver would have otherwise had. No other category of person seems to have that effect.
When I was a teenager (quite a while ago!) I think my parents trusted me pretty well regarding who I decided to spend time with. However, they almost never trusted that teenagers would be good drivers. So it was pretty rare that they would let anyone pick me up for anything (irrespective of whether it was going out with friends or on a date). Either they drove me or I drove myself. In order for someone to pick me up by car they had to know the kid really well, not just a quick hello and handshake.
Is this uncommon? I'm a little surprised that it hasn't come up already in this long thread.
It depends on the ages. When my kids were new drivers and all their friends were new drivers we did not want them driven by other kids. I don't permit my youngest (14) to be in a car with a teen driver unless I know the kid really well and I trust him. He does sometimes go out with his brother (17) after football games but my older son usually drives.
The 17 year old is a senior and he is permitted more freedom in arranging rides regardless of whether I know the other kids. Since he goes to a private school sometimes his friends have friends from their neighborhood with them that I don't know. He's a senior so he needs to have some opportunities to use his own judgement. He is an easy kid.
My oldest son is 19, almost 20. When he is home in the summer he is free to come and go as he pleases. I do like to know where he is going and with whom, but it's more of a safety issue with him. He doesn't need to ask about going out but in the event that something happens to him I would like to know who he was with when he left the house. We live in an urban/suburban area.
Well when my kids turned 16 they had the rule that there was to be only one passenger in the car for the first 6 months and I encouraged them to drive as much as possible. They also knew that they were not to be in the car with a new driver for first 6 months. I was scared to death of teen drivers in our close to Atlanta community. The interstate around Atlanta is deadly and of course that is where the action was. So we had strict rules about no interstate driving or being a passenger till they were about 17.5.
Many states have this or similar as law.
I know in Colorado, a 16 yo with a fresh license, cannot have any non-related passenger in the car at all for 6 months. After 6 months, they may have 1 non-related passenger in the car for the following 6 month period. Which often results in young people meeting places rather than one picking the other up. Under the best of circumstances (getting your license on your 16th birthday), one isn't legally driving anyone else until they are 16 1/2 anyway.
We're talking about car dates in this thread. Car dates happen after our children's worlds get larger and they are meeting people from outside of their initial hang out groups. I didn't date anyone from my neighborhood, school, etc. I met my dates other places. I met my first official car date while I was standing in my front yard with my girlfriend. He drove by, stopped, and we talked. He asked for my number, called and invited me out. My parents loved him. I'm still friends with him to this day---35 years later. I met other boyfriends at the roller skating rink, at my friends' houses who lived in different school districts, at work, and a billion other places. My children's experiences weren't much different. Their group of friends hung out at my house, but they met the people they wanted to date elsewhere. They viewed their opposite sex friends more like siblings.
This must be a regional thing. I have never heard of a "car date".
And to be honest, what you describe is not typical of most teens in the schools I teach at, or for my own children. For example, almost all of them hung out with the people they ended up going out with well before hand. Again, maybe regional.
Do you mean that a boy doesn't phone or even text a girl and ask her to go to the movie? or a football game?
Not unless they already going out. The teens around here get to know each other in school, by "hanging out" at each others homes, or in group settings. They will typically be boyfriend/girlfriend status before going out to dinner and a movie solo. As for football games, this is the NE, people go to football games with their friends, it is not a "date" activity at all.
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honking in the driveway has given way to texting I'm here- but it's still the same thing. It means my child is getting in a car with somebody and will be gone for a few hours. It is only the right thing to do to walk up to the door. Like a poster said- it shows a lack of respect to do otherwise-at least initially. After a relationship is established I understand a more casual approach.
And to repeat what my mother said "Just cause everybody else is doing it doesn't make it right."
And I will repeat what I said, if you are waiting until they are leaving to go out on a "date" to meet the person, it is already too late and you have missed the opportunity to actually get to know the person. Maybe it is different where you live, maybe it has just changed quite a bit since your other children dated but it isn't the coming to the door that is "right" or "wrong" but rather the notion that people think that is the point at which to become involved in who their children are spending time with. The time for that is well beforehand.
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