Do you require your daughter's date to come to the front door of your house? (single parent, girl)
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I would agree. You need to know your kids' friends, reguardless of sex, before they start Middle School. The idiocy usually starts at 12 or 13 and you should be able to foster those friendships you want and cull those you don't want. Why? Because they usually can't get too far without your consent.
i remember getting the third degree from my mom from even when I was little. This is "Where are you going? Who else is going to be there? (Sometimes a follow up on if the parents are home or not) What time will you be back?" If you start early and follow up on them, most kids will learn to be where you expect them to be and to not do stupid things like shaving a cat. When they are teens and you ask these questions, it won't be a big deal to them and they either won't hang out with "bad boys" or at least not follow their stupidity (Hey, hold my beer while I hook up the chain to the ATM).
My kids finally flew the coup. However, when they are home, their dates and friends still come inside. For whatever reason, that was one rule they didn't have a problem with.
I don't have any daughters (or sons), but if I did, their dates would be required to come through the airlock. And then the MRI. And the psychic probe.
That seems so old fashioned and a bit sexist really.
Good manners and appropriate gender-based behavior is sexist or silly? I'll expect no less from any young man who ever shows up to see my daughter. She deserves proper respect and that's what she'll get or he won't be calling again.
Good manners and appropriate gender-based behavior is sexist or silly? I'll expect no less from any young man who ever shows up to see my daughter. She deserves proper respect and that's what she'll get or he won't be calling again.
How is the behaviour appropriately gender-based? Both ought to show good manners but manners aren't gender-based. We take gender equality very seriously in my country and that includes dating behaviour (for instance splitting the bill or taking turns paying rather than the man paying)
And yet, again, I am reminded why it is good that I didn't have any girls! Seriously, though, no honking in the driveway for her to come out--ever. Not only do you need to meet them, but you need to judge their "state" almost every time. Also, it sets a bad precedent in their relationship with men: you honk and she jumps--seems subservient to me.
And if you have boys, yes, you need to either have the girl come over (and again, no honking in the driveway) and meet her and judge her "state", OR, you need to have a talk with your son before he leaves and tell him "no honking in the driveway. Stand up straight, look everyone in the eye, be engaging and polite". With the girl coming over to pick up son, this also sets a good precedent for the girl, in that it shows that SHE can drive, and SHE can be "in control", i.e. if you're a jerk, she'll drop YOU on the side of the road and you'll have to walk home. And don't bother calling me to come pick you up: if she drops you on the side of the road, you probably deserve to walk home, son!
When I first went out with the girl who was to be my wife, I asked her out for a cup of coffee after class (college). She countered with "let's get a drink and I'll drive". I said "no problem". Later, I asked why she wished to drive and she said that "if you were a jerk, I could just leave you there to walk back". I said: "If I am a jerk, then I deserve to have to walk back". Set the tone pretty well, and I respected her for that.
Last edited by adams_aj; 12-04-2013 at 06:35 AM..
Reason: a bit more context. . .
My girls are years away from dating but when they do the guys will be required to come inside, say hello, turn their pockets out and be frisked- well maybe not that bad but I do want to see who they will be going out with. And I will require they write down his name and phone number.
Do parents do that anymore? no kid is going to honk on his horn in the driveway and expect my daughter to run to him.
Saw a study today which said NO girls in the questionnaire had been asked out face to face. It is all done by e mail or phone these days! What kind of social interaction is that? I know the fear of rejection is terrible but we all have to live through that somewhere in life.
I teach my sons to park the car and go to the door to pick up their dates. I don't know if the girls' parents write down his name or number but I have taught them that it is rude to honk the door and expect a girl to come out to the car.
We didn't require anything...by the time our kids were dating age (high school) they had proven they could pick the right kind of kids to hang out with and we trusted their judgement, and quite frankly are a better judge of the kids then we were since they saw these kids away from adults. Sometimes we met them before they went on a date, sometimes not, usually not until they were "going out" or as the new slang is "Facebook Official". This goes along with the thread of kids being born bad...if you expect they will pick disrespectful boys (or girls as it applies), then that is exactly what you will get.
I like to see who my kids go out with even if it isn't a date. It isn't a matter of expecting that they will choose the wrong path, but rather a matter of safety. If something happened to the kids who were out I would like to be able to at least give a description of the driver and the car. Things can happen when kids are out and it doesn't have to be because the kids are misbehaving.
That seems so old fashioned and a bit sexist really.
I don't think it's sexist to treat a young woman like a lady.
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