Do you think it's important for your kids to keep up with their peers? (legally, parents)
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There's a student where she is only allowed hand me downs and there's quite an age difference from her to her oldest sister. (2 girls 3 boys, she is the youngest and the sister is the oldest) So for an example, all her jeans are flared/bejewled/faded. She hates flared jeans and her mom refuses to buy her plain dark blue boot cut jeans just because she doesn't like the style. I know this as the mom will tell me that her daughter has to realize it's just clothes and not a big deal. It's her character that counts and that's why she won't "give" in. Her rules, shrugs. My daughter says she is teased a little bit for her "sparkling" jeans. (nothing serious though)
I am like you though, I try to steer in the middle.
That's when you start falling down and ripping the jeans so they have to be replaced
That's when you start falling down and ripping the jeans so they have to be replaced
LOL It will just add to the charm of those faded bedazzled flared jeans. Daughter told me that she picked off all the gemstones off the bottom flared part and unraveled the embroidered flowers etc.
I didn't care.
And I would respect my kid a lot more if he doesn't. But boys don't usually care as much as girls do.
I don't see this at all.
Boys often care a lot about the brand of athletic shoe (or equipment) they have. Or sunglasses. Or car. Etc.
Teens generally want to "fit in" with their peer group. Both boys and girls - the things they care about might differ somewhat but in my experience they both care (or, as has been mentioned, some individuals care more than other individuals). I don't necessarily think it's wrong or that those kids who don't care are somehow "more worthy" than those who do. I think the main thing from a parenting point of view is to not negate their feelings but to help them put them in proper perspective . After all, most of us have things that we like or want for reasons that others may find silly or inconsequential as well.
Last edited by maciesmom; 11-18-2013 at 02:14 PM..
Boys often care a lot about the brand of athletic shoe (or equipment) they have. Or sunglasses. Or car. Etc.
Teens generally want to "fit in" with their peer group. Both boys and girls - the things they care about might differ somewhat but in my experience they both care (or, as has been mentioned, some individuals care more than other individuals). I don't necessarily think it's wrong or that those kids who don't care are somehow "more worthy" than those who do. I think the main thing from a parenting point of view is to not negate their feelings but to help them put them in proper perspective . After all, most of us have things that we like or want for reasons that others may find silly or inconsequential as well.
This is why I started this thread but couldn't quite write the words. Do you help kids to fit in and at the same time, how to put it in perspective.
And you do want them to care somewhat about their appearance as they will have to learn to in the future for jobs, professionalism etc.
There's a student where she is only allowed hand me downs and there's quite an age difference from her to her oldest sister. (2 girls 3 boys, she is the youngest and the sister is the oldest) So for an example, all her jeans are flared/bejewled/faded. She hates flared jeans and her mom refuses to buy her plain dark blue boot cut jeans just because she doesn't like the style. I know this as the mom will tell me that her daughter has to realize it's just clothes and not a big deal. It's her character that counts and that's why she won't "give" in. Her rules, shrugs. My daughter says she is teased a little bit for her "sparkling" jeans. (nothing serious though)
I am like you though, I try to steer in the middle.
I think middle ground is the place to be. I wouldn't do what you described above. I would never make my child dress in a way that would get them teased or that they weren't comfortable with. My boys are close in age, but have different styles. One likes skinny jeans, and the other doesn't. I don't make the younger one wear the hand-me-downs. I think they need to feel comfortable with what they look like.
I do buy some of their clothes second hand. I'm not big on brand names. I think a flattering fit is more important than a brand. And, as someone pointed out, clothes do matter when you are dressing for an interview or for work, or a special occasion. That's a skill to teach.
When my daughter goes to school (kindergarten.. but number 1 in her class ) I make sure her hair and clothes are neat, clean, and fashionable.
I'm not in to labels but I don't knock people who are. I do believe, however, that you set your child up for failure if you don't send them to school prepared and that means academically and socially.
I know I'm going to catch heat for the above statement. Oh well.
As far as following fashion trends goes, I think it's a part of being socially aware of your surroundings.
When my daughter goes to school (kindergarten.. but number 1 in her class ) I make sure her hair and clothes are neat, clean, and fashionable.
I'm not in to labels but I don't knock people who are. I do believe, however, that you set your child up for failure if you don't send them to school prepared and that means academically and socially.
I know I'm going to catch heat for the above statement. Oh well.
As far as following fashion trends goes, I think it's a part of being socially aware of your surroundings.
You won't get heat from me. I agree and just wondered though when do you draw the line. Especially when they are older.
You won't get heat from me. I agree and just wondered though when do you draw the line. Especially when they are older.
Where you draw the line will vary from family to family so that one's tough to answer. What pushes one parent's button doesn't bother another. When my kids were that age, we had a couple of stores I just chose not to patronize; and certain looks that I personally just didn't like. One that comes to mind that I didn't like but doesn't bother others is shirts for girls - of any age - that say things like "spoiled" or "princess". I had friends who's kids wore that stuff and it was fine for them, I just didn't like it for mine. The kids all turned out fine. As far as overspending goes, as the child gets older, sit with them and give them a budget and let them work out how to spend it. There are several posters here who've done that kind of thing. Another thing (that we did) was tell the child how much you are willing to spend on the item in question. If they want to pay the difference with their birthday money, allowance, babysitting money then they can do that. The key is as they get older, let them figure out what is important to them to spend limited resources on. That is an important lesson whether it's fashion or anything else we spend on.
You won't get heat from me. I agree and just wondered though when do you draw the line. Especially when they are older.
I have older nieces. One wants to start wearing make-up but she is only 12. This is the norm at her school. My sister is against it and I am too.
I can't say for sure when because I haven't reached that point. I believe there is an appropriate age for everything so my daughters would not be allowed to follow the trends of mini skirts and eye shadow on pre teens. At that point.. I think it will be more important for my kids to NOT keep up with their peers.
This is something I struggle with my now teen. As a child myself, I couldn't care less about fashion and just wore what I liked. My mom used to try to push certain styles on me but I wouldn't wear them.
I try hard for my kids to walk in their own footsteps and not follow what their peers are wearing/doing. It isn't that I want them to be unique as an individual but to wear or like something because they like it and not because it's the trend. At the same time, I don't want them to feel awkward/teased for not wearing the style either. Kids are so cruel sometimes. It's a hard balance and fine line to walk.
The thread on jeggings reminded me of this. Do you think it's helpful to have your kids look somewhat in style? Do you allow them to wear all trendy clothes or none of the trendy and opting for classics/long wearing etc?
ETA: This got lost in the OP somehow. I had a paragraph on how I allow my kids to buy whatever they want as long as it isn't too sexy/trashy or it looks good on them. So far it's been not too much of a struggle but I have had to steer them away from a certain trend and into something else. As my oldest gets older and more into an idea of how she wants to look, I hope it's for what she likes and not what her peers are wearing.
Its easy to say let them wear what they like but that just isn't reality.
I had to teach mine what was appropriate for what occasions, what suited them, and how to think about clothing. We also used labels and fashion to learn about economics, corporations, peer pressure and ethical shopping.
For one thing labels are not inherently bad. Some labels really are better quality, and smart shoppers can differentiate between worthwhile brands and those that are just junk with a logo. In our family, we tend to value long lasting items over things that are cheap but wear out quickly. On a personal note my personal fashion taste has always been to have far few items of clothing but of a much better quality aka a capsule wardrobe. My daughter had little interest in this during her teen years when she wanted variety more than anything else but recently she has shown interest in developing her own capsule wardrobe.
People, rightly or wrongly, judge you by how you look. Clothing is one aspect of how you look that is completely in your control. I want mine to know how to look the part, and then when they are ready they can choose how and when to do so. For example, I had to dress my daughter for the science fair circuit. She just didn't know yet how to look that part. Actually, based on going to fairs and symposia for years, most students don't know how to dress that part. We wouldn't just tell kids to eat whatever they want, we teach them to eat healthy, and as they get older we let them make some of their own choices but still hold the reins a bit. Clothing and fashion is the same way for me.
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