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We are big on "bedtime" at our house....our kids, 8 and 4, are in bed with lights off by 8:30, sometimes by 8:00 on school nights. John Rosemond writes that bedtimes are for parents as much as anything, and I agree...it is nice to have "grown-up" time in the evenings.
Also, our children wake up for school easily, are less cranky, and look and act refreshed when they get a solid 11 or 12 hours of sleep a night.
On Friday nights, or on extreme occasions (trips to Disney, for example) we let them stay up a little later...9:30 is the latest I can recall.
But over the course of the last six months, I have witnessed numerous times (*not special events*) when children at the age of 3 are up until 11:00 or even later. These same childen wake up around 6:30 so that is not a lot of sleep.
The parents just do not put the children to bed. The mother goes to bed herself around 9:30 or 10:00 and just lets the kids stay up. The mother will take afternoon naps so that she can stay up that late with the kids, so she tells me.
After the mom goes to bed, the dad just lets them wrestle around or fall asleep watching TV. Once we were with them and it was 10:45 and the 3 year old was crying and lying on the floor trying to go to sleep. My DH ended up putting him to bed.
And the kids do not seem to handle it well...they are cranky and fussy during the day (especially the 3 year old....the 5 year old is a little better)...they fall asleep in the car on the way home from school, etc.
It just makes me SO sad. Why can't they put the kids to bed at a regular hour? And why do they let them drink diet soda? But that's another thread....
I think bedtimes are very important and I agree that they are for adults too. It's nice to have a couple of hours at the end of the work day where I don't have to wear my mom hat.
In my house bedtime for my 4yo son is 8:30, it used to be 8 but we get home from work and daycare so late that I felt bad that he didn't have anytime to unwind at home before bed and gave him an extra 30 minutes. My son wakes up at 6 am on the dot EVERY SINGLE DAY, no matter what time he went to bed the night before so I need to make sure he is getting enough sleep. On rare occassions when there is something going on I'll let him stay up longer but never two nights in a row.
I established a routine with him when he was about 8 weeks old and have stuck to it ever since and now my son has no problems going to bed. I know a few parents who just kind of "wing it" and it seems bedtime is always such a battle in their homes that usually ends in allowing the kids to do what ever the heck they want until the collapse from exhaustion.
When my stepdaughter is visiting she knows she's welcome to go watch TV/listen to her ipod/read in bed but after 10pm she has to brush her teeth get the pjs on and go to her room.
I remember I was horrified to find out that a former co-worker who was very Martha Stewart-esq had a "bedtime routine" that consisted of strapping her daughter into a bouncy chair at 9pm and sitting on the couch watching episodes of sesame street until her daughter would fall asleep. Some days she'd go well past midnight.
^ yes, getting my babies to fall asleep in their own beds is probably the best thing I ever did for them, and for myself. We still have the same basic routine 7 years later.
Absolutely! I think not enough sleep is one of the biggest causes of ill behaving children. Most parents really, really underestimate the importance of sleep for kids. Children need a lot more sleep than adults. Ten, Eleven hours is needed for most kids under 10. That usually means going to bed by about 8:00 or 8:30.
I wish more parents were aware of or would respect this need.
The family described in your post clearly has problems...but late bedtimes do not necessarily mean a problem in all families. My son (almost 4) does not fall asleep until 11 PM many nights because he still naps at daycare. I sometimes wish it were otherwise, but he cannot function on our weekday schedule without napping yet. I think he is happy and gets enough rest between the nap and his nighttime sleep. We have a bedtime routine, it just starts between 9 and 9:30. Another family I know homeschools and lets their kids stay up late and sleep in, because the mom hates to get up early. It bothers me that often people seem to think earlier bedtimes= better parenting.
We are big on "bedtime" at our house....our kids, 8 and 4, are in bed with lights off by 8:30, sometimes by 8:00 on school nights. John Rosemond writes that bedtimes are for parents as much as anything, and I agree...it is nice to have "grown-up" time in the evenings.
Also, our children wake up for school easily, are less cranky, and look and act refreshed when they get a solid 11 or 12 hours of sleep a night.
On Friday nights, or on extreme occasions (trips to Disney, for example) we let them stay up a little later...9:30 is the latest I can recall.
But over the course of the last six months, I have witnessed numerous times (*not special events*) when children at the age of 3 are up until 11:00 or even later. These same childen wake up around 6:30 so that is not a lot of sleep.
The parents just do not put the children to bed. The mother goes to bed herself around 9:30 or 10:00 and just lets the kids stay up. The mother will take afternoon naps so that she can stay up that late with the kids, so she tells me.
After the mom goes to bed, the dad just lets them wrestle around or fall asleep watching TV. Once we were with them and it was 10:45 and the 3 year old was crying and lying on the floor trying to go to sleep. My DH ended up putting him to bed.
And the kids do not seem to handle it well...they are cranky and fussy during the day (especially the 3 year old....the 5 year old is a little better)...they fall asleep in the car on the way home from school, etc.
It just makes me SO sad. Why can't they put the kids to bed at a regular hour? And why do they let them drink diet soda? But that's another thread....
Regular hour for you is not a regular hour for me. When my son takes a nap during the day he will be in bed at 9.30 pm. If He does not take a nap he will be in bed by 7.30. He drinks diet soda some times too.
You are not a better parent than I am because my son is not in bed by 8:30 everynight and cannot drink any diet soda. Prove to me that in 10 years, your way of raising your kids have resulted in a better human being.
The family described in your post clearly has problems...but late bedtimes do not necessarily mean a problem in all families. <snip> It bothers me that often people seem to think earlier bedtimes= better parenting.
I agree. I do think that getting enough sleep is very important for kids but that doesn't always have to mean an early bedtime. DD usually is up until 10 or 10:30 and she sleeps until 8 or 8:30. Most of our activities start around 10am so having to get up early just isn't a priority and that makes an early bedtime a non-issue for us for the most part.
I think the question is less about EARLY bedtimes and more about regular bedtimes and bedtime routines? Isn't it?
I have to get up at 430am so 8/830pm is the bedtime here for the kids so I can wind down and hopefully be asleep by 10pm. I know parents of school aged kids who don't have to get up til 7am so the kids don't go to bed til between 9-10 and the parents between 11-midnight.
Its all relative to your own household schedule.
I think the point is that the parents are not enforcing a bedtime routine (and the mom even takes naps to be able to stay up late with the kids!) and just wait for the kids to crash. I have had nights where my 7 yr old is keyed up and I will let him stay in his bed and read or play legos and he will usually crash by 930-10pm but it is important to me that at bedtime, he is in his room, in bed.
Some people are more loosey goosey with stuff like this but if the kids are cranky this clearly may be not the best thing for this family.
Our rule has always been that they must be in their rooms by their bedtime (yes, I make my 15 year old go to her room at 9. I'm a mean mom, I know) but they're free to read, draw, listen to music, etc. while in their room. They're all the exact same way I was when I was a kid- takes them a very long time to wind down to go to bed (45+ minutes).
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