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Regular hour for you is not a regular hour for me. When my son takes a nap during the day he will be in bed at 9.30 pm. If He does not take a nap he will be in bed by 7.30. He drinks diet soda some times too.
You are not a better parent than I am because my son is not in bed by 8:30 everynight and cannot drink any diet soda. Prove to me that in 10 years, your way of raising your kids have resulted in a better human being.
yes, but you have a routine. The family described by the OP does not. Apples and oranges. No one said what YOU are doing is wrong.
BTW, if we are at Disneyland or something, all bets are off. We stay until we're done unless the kids are having a melt down.
Our rule has always been that they must be in their rooms by their bedtime (yes, I make my 15 year old go to her room at 9. I'm a mean mom, I know) but they're free to read, draw, listen to music, etc. while in their room. They're all the exact same way I was when I was a kid- takes them a very long time to wind down to go to bed (45+ minutes).
That is how I feel too, but my oldest is 12 and has to get up at 5 so I do go back and shut the light off if I feel it is getting too late. As he gets older I will start to allow him to adjust as needed and learn from staying up a little too late.
I think a wind-down time is needed by some people. Its easier for me to drop off to sleep if I spend about 10 minutes reading in bed. My husband is one of those people who shuts his eyes and is asleep in under 3 minutes so he does not embrace the wind-down time concept as readily!
My almost 3 yr old sleeps about 10 hrs each night. But she goes to bed around midnight and gets up around 10 am. This is just what works with our work schedules. She does not need to wake up early for daycare/school. We keep our work schedules so either my husband or myself is home with her. Not everyone keeps "regular" hours. While you may think it is SO sad that my dd is up until midnight, I may think it is SO sad that your 4 yr old goes to daycare all day. I think most of us do the best we can.
I think routine is key. Our 8 year old girls share a room by choice. School nights they go up usually at 7:30 as I expect and even want them to have some sister time to giggle, talk, play a game, read in bed, etc. But they know lights out at 8. We get up at 6:30 for school here.
Weekends or breaks we let them stay up till 8 or sometimes 8:30-9 but they are ready at about 7:30 even if we allow them a later bedtime.
Years ago we had friends who let kids fall asleep watching TV on the floor and the kids had to be carried to bed. I strongly feel this is wrong. I think parents who do that are letting their kids run the show in more ways than a lax bedtime. Parents are lazy who don't try to schedule some kind of healthy bedtime for their kids.
And so what if bedtime is for the parents? Parents need down time to be better parents.
Any child "expert" will tell you getting your kid on a schedule is comforting and healthy for them. So why does that mean only when they are infants?
My almost 3 yr old sleeps about 10 hrs each night. But she goes to bed around midnight and gets up around 10 am. This is just what works with our work schedules. She does not need to wake up early for daycare/school. We keep our work schedules so either my husband or myself is home with her. Not everyone keeps "regular" hours. While you may think it is SO sad that my dd is up until midnight, I may think it is SO sad that your 4 yr old goes to daycare all day. I think most of us do the best we can.
Geez, RELAX, no one is commenting on YOU!! Also applies to you, Glass of Merlot.
Let me ask you this:
1) Your DC has a bedtime routine? Do you cuddle/sing/read bedtime stories/play tickle games, whatever? Do you help her brush her teeth? Or do you allow her to fall asleep on the sofa while you are already in bed asleep? Do you not see the difference?
2) She still gets 10 hours of sleep a night, right? That is far different that allowing a 3 year old to only sleep 6.5 or 7.5 hours a night, as I described in my original post. Studies show that children who do not get enough sleep are at risk for obesesity and a host of other medical and health problems as adults.
3) My children do not and have never attended daycare.
4) This is not the only family I know like this. Another family lets their 2 year old stay up until 11 and then it takes her another hour to fall asleep.
5) Do you really think it is "doing the best you can" to HAVE THE PARENTS go to bed and let the kids fall asleep on the couch at 11:00 pm or midnight? That is not doing the best you can. That is being disengaged from the needs of your child. If the parent is needing sleep at 9:00 or 10:00, logic dictates that the child also needs to go to sleep at that time.
The family described in your post clearly has problems...but late bedtimes do not necessarily mean a problem in all families. My son (almost 4) does not fall asleep until 11 PM many nights because he still naps at daycare. I sometimes wish it were otherwise, but he cannot function on our weekday schedule without napping yet. I think he is happy and gets enough rest between the nap and his nighttime sleep. We have a bedtime routine, it just starts between 9 and 9:30. Another family I know homeschools and lets their kids stay up late and sleep in, because the mom hates to get up early. It bothers me that often people seem to think earlier bedtimes= better parenting.
Yes, I can see where that would be frustrating that he is up so late because of still needing the nap....
I am not saying an earlier bedtime=better parenting....but he does have a routine. Not the same as what I am describing.
Regular hour for you is not a regular hour for me. When my son takes a nap during the day he will be in bed at 9.30 pm. If He does not take a nap he will be in bed by 7.30. He drinks diet soda some times too.
You are not a better parent than I am because my son is not in bed by 8:30 everynight and cannot drink any diet soda. Prove to me that in 10 years, your way of raising your kids have resulted in a better human being.
Glass of Merlot, I think you need a glass of merlot.
I am not saying that my regular hours should be YOUR regular hours. Geez, some parents work all night.
But do you just let your kid fall asleep on the couch and not put him to bed?
And diet soda is terrible for adults, let alone kids.
I think the question is less about EARLY bedtimes and more about regular bedtimes and bedtime routines? Isn't it?
Its all relative to your own household schedule.
I think the point is that the parents are not enforcing a bedtime routine (and the mom even takes naps to be able to stay up late with the kids!) and just wait for the kids to crash.
Some people are more loosey goosey with stuff like this but if the kids are cranky this clearly may be not the best thing for this family.
YES, THANK YOU, this is what I am trying to convey.
And, again, this is not the only family I know that has a situation like this.
To me, it IS sad...pathetic, etc....when a 3 year old is crying on the floor at 11:00 at night, so tired he can barely function properly, and the parents themselves could care less. One is already asleep in her bed and the other is in another room watching football.
I think the question is less about EARLY bedtimes and more about regular bedtimes and bedtime routines? Isn't it?
I have to get up at 430am so 8/830pm is the bedtime here for the kids so I can wind down and hopefully be asleep by 10pm. I know parents of school aged kids who don't have to get up til 7am so the kids don't go to bed til between 9-10 and the parents between 11-midnight.
Its all relative to your own household schedule.
I think the point is that the parents are not enforcing a bedtime routine (and the mom even takes naps to be able to stay up late with the kids!) and just wait for the kids to crash. I have had nights where my 7 yr old is keyed up and I will let him stay in his bed and read or play legos and he will usually crash by 930-10pm but it is important to me that at bedtime, he is in his room, in bed.
Some people are more loosey goosey with stuff like this but if the kids are cranky this clearly may be not the best thing for this family.
Good post. At our home, I cannot stand an earlier wake up time than 7 am. Therefore, bedtime is usually around 8.
Waiting for children to crash does not sound healthy. The parents sound like they are overwhelmed. It might help to provide a visual schedule so that the children know what comes next instead of waiting for the parents to tell them. It could take a little while to teach them but at least it puts some more responsibility on the children.
If the parent is needing sleep at 9:00 or 10:00, logic dictates that the child also needs to go to sleep at that time.
While I agree with you that routines for YOUNG kids are important I disagree that just because a parent is tired at 9PM it follows that the child will be tired at the same time. I often go to be before my kids. Now my kids are older (11, 14, 16) but still, just because I am tired it doesn't mean they need to sleep at the same time.
I do agree with your original post in that I think that YOUNG kids need routines. However, I don't think it matters exactly what time they go to bed as long as they get enough sleep.
In the summer we all stay up late and get up late, including my youngest. However, during the school year we try to have the youngest in bed by 10. He gets up at 7 and is happy during the day. On Tuesdays he gets home really late (around 10) because he goes to a late wrestling practice. He usually arrives home already fed (fast food Tuesday) although he needs to take a shower and finish any homework that he did not do in the car on the way to wrestling practice. He seems fine with the one late night a week.
My teens basically regulate their own sleep. They usually go to their rooms by 10 and watch tv, read or play video games. They are usually asleep by 11, always asleep by midnight but not by force. They are just tired.
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