News, Mom Confession: I Refuse to Make My Kid Wear a Coat in the Cold. (teenager, boy)
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Tongue in cheek aside, I think a lot of people do view their job as doing FOR their kids as this poster to whom we respond feels. I think it is too bad since no one, child or adult, is going to step up to what someone else is doing for them unless they are extraordinary. And I guess I think it is sad and depressing that poster winds up thinking that her kids are too lazy to put on so much as a coat.
It is sad. Kids are so much smarter than some people give them credit for but that natural instinct can be overridden by not giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves.
Kids are so much smarter than some people give them credit for but that natural instinct can be overridden by not giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves.
Some people must have particularly dim witted children if they cannot figure out that a jacket keeps them warm. Or maybe they have been molded that way because Mom always tells them what to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku
Well some won't grab their jacket because they consider it "uncool" to wear a jacket (I was like that for a while, no idea why though as everyone else wore jackets) but any kid that can't figure out that a jacket will make them more comfortable in cold weather is a pretty stupid kid. Well very young children (toddlers and preschoolers) might not be able to make that connection but any school age kid ought to be able to figure that out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
A species whose young is lazy by their very nature does not survive very long though I can imagine slipping into lazy apathy if someone did ones thinking for one.
Huh. I thought my job was to raise and teach them to think for themselves. Their comfort is their problem to the degree that they have the capacity to manage it. It is called scaffolding. It builds character. And brain cells.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku
It is sad. Kids are so much smarter than some people give them credit for but that natural instinct can be overridden by not giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves.
And I suppose you two would be fine with your 6-year-old trotting off to school coatless with the temps in the teens and windchills in the -10s? What about your 10-year-old wanting to try driving the car or your 12-year-old dating a 20-year-old? How does that "scaffolding" work? Are you fine with "giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves"?
Children are children. They don't know any better in many cases. You as parents are supposed to ...
And I suppose you two would be fine with your 6-year-old trotting off to school coatless with the temps in the teens and windchills in the -10s? What about your 10-year-old wanting to try driving the car or your 12-year-old dating a 20-year-old? How does that "scaffolding" work? Are you fine with "giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves"?
Children are children. They don't know any better in many cases. You as parents are supposed to ...
The child in the OP is 8, and temperatures in question are in the 30's. This is about jackets in winter, driving is way OT.
For those who say force kids to wear a jackets, I watch your children pack their jacket into their backpack when you drop them off.
My rule is that the kids need to have an appropriate jacket with them. I don't much care whether it's in the backpack or on their bodies. If they get cold enough they'll pu it on.
And I suppose you two would be fine with your 6-year-old trotting off to school coatless with the temps in the teens and windchills in the -10s? What about your 10-year-old wanting to try driving the car or your 12-year-old dating a 20-year-old? How does that "scaffolding" work? Are you fine with "giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves"?
Children are children. They don't know any better in many cases. You as parents are supposed to ...
Please.
The article was about an 8 yr old out and about in 30 degree weather.
No one has indicated that no parents should make any decision for their children. Just that *sometimes* parenting involves letting the child come to his or her own conclusions. No one is freezing to death in 30 degree weather for a short time. Uncomfortable? Most likely.
At what point do children become capable of making the most basic of choices - like dressing themselves appropriately? Are you going to chase them down the street when they are 16/17 for walking to school without a coat? Here in Colorado, it is not at all unusual for kids to walk to school (elementary through high school) wearing shorts, T-shirt and a hoodie. Even when it snows. Coats are bulky and the kids may or may not have lockers (or they are sharing those lockers with several other kids) schools out here don't typically have dedicated coat closets, and frequently it warms up considerably as the day goes on. They balance their discomfort with the hassle of dragging a coat along all day.
And I suppose you two would be fine with your 6-year-old trotting off to school coatless with the temps in the teens and windchills in the -10s? What about your 10-year-old wanting to try driving the car or your 12-year-old dating a 20-year-old? How does that "scaffolding" work? Are you fine with "giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves"?
Children are children. They don't know any better in many cases. You as parents are supposed to ...
There is a tendency on this forum, to turn perfectly innocuous teaching moments into major tsk tsks. Most children have the intelligence to wear warm clothes in truly frigid temperatures. They also won't die because they are chilly for a few moments at the bus stop.
There are battles worth fighting. My body temperature vs that of my kids was never one of them.
And I suppose you two would be fine with your 6-year-old trotting off to school coatless with the temps in the teens and windchills in the -10s?
Well the OP was about "making" which involves resistance on the part of the kid. I'd be asking myself why my kid made it to SIX YEARS OLD without having this little bit of silliness resolved.
Then we would have a discussion of the relative merits of recess which s/he would not be able to participate in.
Quote:
What about your 10-year-old wanting to try driving the car or your 12-year-old dating a 20-year-old? How does that "scaffolding" work? Are you fine with "giving them a chance to figure things out for themselves"?
Children are children. They don't know any better in many cases. You as parents are supposed to ...
How are they going to learn how to "know better" if they don't get to exercise their own will?
Well I'm sorry your kids aren't smart enough to figure out that jackets make them warmer.
IIRC, your child is about 3 yrs old. Moms of older kids constantly say "Never say never", as in "MY kid would NEVER. . . ". We've all learned better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
How are they going to learn how to "know better" if they don't get to exercise their own will?
Since you quoted the part about a 10 yo driving, or a 12 yo dating a 20 yo in re: the above, my answer would certainly be "no". A 10 yo would NOT get a chance to drive, a 12 yo would NOT get to go out with a 20 yo. That's why I say above that "making" your child do something (or not) is situational.
Children who fail to go get a jacket when they shiver - don't fail to do that because of "lack of wit".
Nice catty try though.
They do it because of being a child - natural laziness and inertia.
They just want to run and play, not fuss over how to layer clothes for maximum comfort during winter. That's YOUR job!
You see them everywhere: shoulders rounded forward, shivering, and continuing to play with snot around their nose DESPITE conspicuous discomfort.
If all of these children feel "perfectly fine, thank you very much", than why do they round their shoulders forwarded and shiver? That's hardly a sign of feeling comfortable.
And if all of these children have the sparkly wit you suggest they do (which mine, apparently, haven't had the luck to inherit ), and if they don't need mom to grab the jacket for them, why the heck don't they go and grab the jacket on their own, as you just suggested? 'Cause they clearly don't.
So let's recap:
"signs of major discomfort" + "NOT grab jacket on their own" = SPARKLY WIT?
No, it just = "being a kid and needing mom to make some sensible decisions for him".
You can spin it all you want...but yes, that is largely careless, complacent parenting and just because it is very common nowadays doesn't make it OK.
Again, the sharp tongue of a "judgy mommy" shouldn't be your source of concern. Your child's shivering should.
So next time, rely less on your child's "natural brilliance" and throw that jacket on her when you see her shivering her eyes out.
Thank you!
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), and if they don't need mom to grab the jacket for them, why the heck don't they go and grab the jacket on their own, as you just suggested? 'Cause they clearly don't. 
