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I was having a conversation with a friend about this and naturally we had different views on this.
I have no siblings so I can't relate. But she, mid 20 something, out of the house, out of school, working but still lives within 25 miles of her parents. Her mom is remarried with an 11, 10 and 6 year old.
Anyway her brothers are little demons and her sister is pretty much Rhoda from the bad seed. I love kids but they are without a doubt the poster kids for "bad children" They really are. But that's a product of her mom getting remarried then having them much much later. I personally felt like it was more to lock down a pretty much rich husband rather than really wanting children with him so they just give them whatever they want and overlook/ignore their numerous vices. I want to say her mom was at least 37 with the first.
But often she's called to babysit. They have trouble retaining sitters and guilt her into it because they are her brothers and sister.
She's told me she honestly never wants to watch them at least right now. I said she should tell her mom that because honestly she doesn't have to. She doesn't live at home, they aren't paying for her school because she's out and when she was it was her dad paying not her mom so she really doesn't owe them anything. Her mom knows her kids are bad but likes to use my friend as free sitting.
I honestly dislike her mother because I've seen first hand the guilt tripping and think she's a bit of a witch with a b. They have more than enough money to pay someone (mom didn't have two kids back to back in her late 30s for nothing because her husband is pretty well off so she had to lock down his money somehow two times over)
Should siblings be obligated to babysit?
I told her to tell her mom but she said because they're her siblings she is obligated. I think at 25+ you're not obligated to babysit a a 11, 10 and 6 year old. Any siblings really. At 16 maybe because you're still in the house.
No, no need to be babysitting. This is just taking advantage of your friend. However, it works both ways. People who take advantage of others can only do it to people who are willing to be used by others. Your friend is willing to be used.
Explain to your friend that when you're an adult you can let go of the guilt tripping parents put upon you. She could use growing a spine and setting boundaries with her parents. Sometimes that's hard, it's a process called growing up and becoming your own person.
She's not obligated. An essential part of growing up is learning to say no to your mom, and having your mom realize you have your own life and your own responsibilities.
I loved babysitting my little sister when I was married and didn't have kids of my own yet, because I didn't get to see her every day anymore. And at the same time, I still had to tell my mom no about some things...no, we weren't going to drive 40 miles round-trip to pick her up from school every day, no we weren't going to rearrange our work schedules so that we could babysit whenever she needed us, no, we weren't going to cut her yard and clean her house, etc. She was used to thinking of me as a free servant when I lived in her house, and when I got married, she thought she had gained another unpaid servant to do the heavy work. We didn't live with my mom and so we didn't have any obligation to do her househould chores, just because she had gotten used to me doing them when I lived there.
NO! Even if she was living at home. This is my pet peeve as well. I think it's fine to ask and if they decline, then hire a babysitter or ask someone else. I won't ever make my oldest feel obligated to watch my youngest. And I always assume my youngest is either going with me or if I am going out, I get a sitter.
Why should I be forced to babysit my brother? That's not my child!
You can ask, and if they say yes, then that's cool. If they say no, then you better find a sitter.
I had a friend who's mom had a baby when she was 13. After basically raising that child (mom has to work several hours), she's unsure if she wants to have kids.
Nope and my kids are 10 years apart, DS was never the built in sitter, ever. That is not fair to the older sibling.
She needs to stand her ground and suddenly become really busy and really unavailable
For an adult who's not asking anything of the family of origin: definitely no obligation whatsoever. I think in a functional parent-child relationship there are times when the adult child probably should (for example, if the parent is severely ill or if one of the other kids is in the hospital), but that's not the situation you're describing.
My family had a big gap between the older kids and the younger kids, and the way things worked in our house was that the older kids were expected to make themselves reasonably available to babysit. But they weren't asked often, they were paid, and they were never asked to forgo something important (work, a sports game, an academic competition) for babysitting. I don't think they ever felt taken advantage of.
I was having a conversation with a friend about this and naturally we had different views on this.
I have no siblings so I can't relate. But she, mid 20 something, out of the house, out of school, working but still lives within 25 miles of her parents. Her mom is remarried with an 11, 10 and 6 year old.
Anyway her brothers are little demons and her sister is pretty much Rhoda from the bad seed. I love kids but they are without a doubt the poster kids for "bad children" They really are. But that's a product of her mom getting remarried then having them much much later. I personally felt like it was more to lock down a pretty much rich husband rather than really wanting children with him so they just give them whatever they want and overlook/ignore their numerous vices. I want to say her mom was at least 37 with the first.
But often she's called to babysit. They have trouble retaining sitters and guilt her into it because they are her brothers and sister.
She's told me she honestly never wants to watch them at least right now. I said she should tell her mom that because honestly she doesn't have to. She doesn't live at home, they aren't paying for her school because she's out and when she was it was her dad paying not her mom so she really doesn't owe them anything. Her mom knows her kids are bad but likes to use my friend as free sitting.
I honestly dislike her mother because I've seen first hand the guilt tripping and think she's a bit of a witch with a b. They have more than enough money to pay someone (mom didn't have two kids back to back in her late 30s for nothing because her husband is pretty well off so she had to lock down his money somehow two times over)
Should siblings be obligated to babysit?
I told her to tell her mom but she said because they're her siblings she is obligated. I think at 25+ you're not obligated to babysit a a 11, 10 and 6 year old. Any siblings really. At 16 maybe because you're still in the house.
Yes, being a family member comes with obligations as well as benefits and sometimes, that means childcare.
Now, the mother, as a member of the family, also has an obligation not to abuse other family members. Clearly she is abusing the nature of her eldest daughter. So, NO, your friend should no longer feel obligated to babysit. She is being taken advantage of.
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