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family members have to earn love and respect just like everyone else.
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Just like everyone else ?
The way I see it, (close) family members get, "for free", a level of trust and access to my time
and ressources without necessarily having to earn it the same way a stranger would have to.
Family members can certainly LOSE access to my trust and accessibility, but at the beginning they do get those for free. Otherwise it's like they're random people.
My younger brother wouldn't be my friend, as we don't have many interests in common.
But he can stay at my place when he visits our town and I will take time to show him around
because he's my brother and gets that attention for free. He could certainly do things to lose
my trust, but until that happens, I'll treat him like a close family member, in a privileged way compared
to random people.
Can a friend become closer to me than a family member ? Certainly!
But my friend has to earn that trust and they start from a much lower baseline than family members do.
That's the way I view those things.
If all the horrible stuff you say about the mother and children is true then no, of course not. I can't help but think you are blowing things up and out a bit though. An older mom, trapping a rich husband by having demon children, using the poor helpless 1/2 sister, and you need advice on how to save her because she is to beaten down to say no, does sound horrible, but, it also sounds a bit fabricated.
Are you sure the mom and older daughter don't have a closer relationship than you think? Maybe she tells her mom she doesn't mind, or she likes watching them. I don't know, sounds a bit over the top. But if it's the absolute truth, then of course the obvious answer is "tell your friend to say she's busy" although I'm sure you've come up with that one on your own. All you can do is give her the advice of a friend, which I'm sure you already have. Sounds like a lot of complaining and judgement to me though. I have a feeling there is more to this story than your side.
No it's actually very real. Maybe not "rich" to most standards but I'd say her husband is at least pulling in $250 a year and down here that stretches and she doesn't have to work, drives that big Infinity Q SUV. Now it may be small potatoes to some but a $70k car with one income for me here falls in the pretty well off category with 3 kids still left to put through school. And then there's the who knows how much home in a really nice suburb.
They're close but not typical close mother/daughter. Her parents divorced early so she was always closer to her dad and stepmom but no doubt she loves her mom and her siblings
Of course I analyze the hell out of the situation and think it's her sucking it up feeling bad for being a bit closer to her stepmom growing up so now she's trying to get in good favor with her mom never saying no when she really wants to.
I was having a conversation with a friend about this and naturally we had different views on this.
I have no siblings so I can't relate. But she, mid 20 something, out of the house, out of school, working but still lives within 25 miles of her parents. Her mom is remarried with an 11, 10 and 6 year old.
Anyway her brothers are little demons and her sister is pretty much Rhoda from the bad seed. I love kids but they are without a doubt the poster kids for "bad children" They really are. But that's a product of her mom getting remarried then having them much much later. I personally felt like it was more to lock down a pretty much rich husband rather than really wanting children with him so they just give them whatever they want and overlook/ignore their numerous vices. I want to say her mom was at least 37 with the first.
But often she's called to babysit. They have trouble retaining sitters and guilt her into it because they are her brothers and sister.
She's told me she honestly never wants to watch them at least right now. I said she should tell her mom that because honestly she doesn't have to. She doesn't live at home, they aren't paying for her school because she's out and when she was it was her dad paying not her mom so she really doesn't owe them anything. Her mom knows her kids are bad but likes to use my friend as free sitting.
I honestly dislike her mother because I've seen first hand the guilt tripping and think she's a bit of a witch with a b. They have more than enough money to pay someone (mom didn't have two kids back to back in her late 30s for nothing because her husband is pretty well off so she had to lock down his money somehow two times over)
Should siblings be obligated to babysit?
I told her to tell her mom but she said because they're her siblings she is obligated. I think at 25+ you're not obligated to babysit a a 11, 10 and 6 year old. Any siblings really. At 16 maybe because you're still in the house.
She's not obligated. For some reason, though she feels like she has to. Does her mom hold finances or something else over her head?
No it's actually very real. Maybe not "rich" to most standards but I'd say her husband is at least pulling in $250 a year and down here that stretches and she doesn't have to work, drives that big Infinity Q SUV. Now it may be small potatoes to some but a $70k car with one income for me here falls in the pretty well off category with 3 kids still left to put through school. And then there's the who knows how much home in a really nice suburb.
They're close but not typical close mother/daughter. Her parents divorced early so she was always closer to her dad and stepmom but no doubt she loves her mom and her siblings
Of course I analyze the hell out of the situation and think it's her sucking it up feeling bad for being a bit closer to her stepmom growing up so now she's trying to get in good favor with her mom never saying no when she really wants to.
I see, well it really comes down to her. If she isn't capable of coming to her own conclusions nothing you say or do will be taken helpfully. I would be careful offering any advice in this unstable situation, you might find yourself in an uncomfortable position down the road. It's her business. We all have to grow up on our own. Nice of you to care though sometimes it doesn't play out like the movies if you know what I mean.
Of course they should be obligated. The parents are the ones working and putting food on the table and ensuring a shelter over their heads. Why on Earth would they pull money out of their pocket needed to pay the bills on someone else to watch the kids when the older kids are right there to do it? Babysitting is just a responsibility the older kids will always have. My older sister did it to me. And I did it to my little brother. I never had any objections to doing so because that was just expected of us and the way it was. It's what I'm going to do with my future kids as well.
Of course they should be obligated. The parents are the ones working and putting food on the table and ensuring a shelter over their heads. Why on Earth would they pull money out of their pocket needed to pay the bills on someone else to watch the kids when the older kids are right there to do it? Babysitting is just a responsibility the older kids will always have. My older sister did it to me. And I did it to my little brother. I never had any objections to doing so because that was just expected of us and the way it was. It's what I'm going to do with my future kids as well.
My brother was an absolute terror growing up. He was the kid who would do things and never get caught and then blame you for what he just did or say you did to him what he actually did to you.
I'd get yelled at, he'd be smirking behind her back and when I would try to tell her what he was doing he'd stop and look miserable again and I'd get yelled at even more for "lying". He still does it. Granted he's 19 and no longer needs a sitter.
When I got to baby sitting age my mom still didn't have me baby sit, I was 15 and she'd hire a sitter for my brother. One girl she hired was his sitter for months and she was only like 4 years older than me. She'd keep him out of trouble and then would sit and hang out with me like a friend.
I'll probably do the same thing one day.
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