Locking Your Adult Child Up (babies, support, pregnant, parents)
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How many have had to have their adult child locked up?
My Son was on probation. I was trying to get him to follow his rules and he was with his Brother, wanted to go buy Meth, his brother told him no he was going home, he attacked his Brother, bystanders called the police, they arrested him, his Probation Officer asked if he continue to stay with us? I told her no because this wasn't the first time he had been violent and I could no longer deal with him. So she had no choice but to lock him up, I was the only one that he was able to stay with.
Now him, his other Brother and my Ex Wife is blaming me for this.
I remember your thread in the mental health forum when you were contemplating taking your son into your home. You knew it wasn't likely to turn out well due to his addiction. It's not your fault that you refuse to allow him to live at your house. You made the rules clear. He broke probation and your house rules. When your son and ex blame you, simply tell them it's not your fault he got himself arrested. Don't allow yourself to be pulled into the drama. You did more for your son than they did. They didn't take him into their homes. You did.
My kids are still far too young but I spent 10 years working in policing and the worst young addicts were the ones whose parents tolerated this abuse. They sucked them dry. They refused to stand up for what's right and the addict walked all over them. They don't realize their child is consumed by addiction, they don't understand addiction, and eventually those are the ones who sucuumb to the worst of the lifestyle.
Yes, the addict and his enablers will blame you. If he cleans up his act one day, you will be the first one he thanks. Sometimes being a good parent means your child and their world hating you.
I echo the others here. You've done all you can. He was on probation. That means they gave him another chance. He blew it and didn't care that he was blowing it.
Family cannot care more about his success than he does. That never works. He has to want it for himself.
There's no telling how violent he may have gotten had you allowed him to stay. Do not apologize for caring about your safety and that of others around you.
I know this couldn't have been easy.
I read the following somewhere and it really seems to put tough decisions in perspective sometimes:
We don't do what's quickest, easiest or cheapest; We do what's right.
That's exactly what you did and I wish the best for you.
My first husband became a meth addict. After trying to get him to get help, I finally gave up. I took the kids and moved out while he was out on one of his binges. Most of his family blamed me for "destroying his life," because he had nowhere to live once I was gone. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I also happened to be 6 months pregnant at the time.
It was a devastating time for me and my babies, but I left in good conscience, knowing I had done everything in my power to "fix" him. The blame belongs on your son, his addiction, and the choices he's made. If other members of the family think they could have handled it better, they'll have their chance to prove it when he gets out. You did the right thing.
Tell the ex-wife and the other brother to bail him out and let him live with one of them if they're so concerned. Ever hear the phrase "I've washed my hands?" People mean it when they say that - so, say it, and they'll get it.
My first husband became a meth addict. After trying to get him to get help, I finally gave up. I took the kids and moved out while he was out on one of his binges. Most of his family blamed me for "destroying his life," because he had nowhere to live once I was gone. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I also happened to be 6 months pregnant at the time.
It was a devastating time for me and my babies, but I left in good conscience, knowing I had done everything in my power to "fix" him. The blame belongs on your son, his addiction, and the choices he'smade. If other members of the family think they could have handled it better, they'll have their chance to prove it when he gets out. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing brushrunner. By allowing him to stay with you, you would be condoning his violence and drug abuse. If he breaks probation, he should be in jail, son or not. I was in a position once where I was asked to testify against my brother in court, and I did because it was the right thing to do. You did the right thing.
If other members of the family think they could have handled it better, they'll have their chance to prove it when he gets out. You did the right thing.
Very good. I agree. The OP has no obligation to continue to support addiction.
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