Locking Your Adult Child Up (legal, insurance, girlfriend, friends)
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How many have had to have their adult child locked up?
My Son was on probation. I was trying to get him to follow his rules and he was with his Brother, wanted to go buy Meth, his brother told him no he was going home, he attacked his Brother, bystanders called the police, they arrested him, his Probation Officer asked if he continue to stay with us? I told her no because this wasn't the first time he had been violent and I could no longer deal with him. So she had no choice but to lock him up, I was the only one that he was able to stay with.
Now him, his other Brother and my Ex Wife is blaming me for this.
brushrunner
His other Brother and your ex-wife should pick up an extra job so they can find a way to accommodate your son.
And by the way, you did not lock him up. Don't allow people to shift blame on you by focusing on what you did. If your son hadn't fought with someone he would no doubt still be living with you. So he did this.
Tell the ex-wife and the other brother to bail him out and let him live with one of them if they're so concerned. Ever hear the phrase "I've washed my hands?" People mean it when they say that - so, say it, and they'll get it.
That's what I would suggest. It's very easy for these so-concerned ones to voice their opinion, but let them put up or shut up. They are free to provide this guy a free living out of their own pockets. They can bail him out any and every time they like -- what's stopping them?
...Now him, his other Brother and my Ex Wife is blaming me for this.
Well his other brother and your ex-wife can put him up then!
And this is typical of druggies and criminal types. Nothing is their fault, it is always someone else's fault.
The person responsible for your son going to jail is HIMSELF! If he (and his brother and your ex-wife) does not want him to go to jail, then he can stop doing drugs and stop breaking the law. Simple as that.
As for the brother and ex-wife, if they don't understand these things, best you no longer have anything to do with them (until they see the light).
As for the son, meth use causes permanent brain damage. Best to not have anything to do with him either - distance yourself from his problems or he will drag you down too.
2. Unless the other brother and/or your ex-wife are willing to offer him a home then they have nothing to say in the matter.
3. It is clear that your son is not ready to kick his addiction. Taking him into your home is not going to solve the problem but will end up being a huge problem for you. There has to be a quid pro quo. Your son has to be willing to take substantive steps to rehabilitate himself and, in return for this, his family can step up and help.
I think I would have done the same thing had I been in your shoes.
Now him, his other Brother and my Ex Wife is blaming me for this.
brushrunner
Tell them it's their fault...why won't THEY take him in..it wasn't your fault some bystander called the cops. You shouldn't have to deal with his violence just cause no one else will.
There's nothing more heartbreaking than having to call the police to come and get your son. Been there, done that over alcohol, not meth or other drugs. When he was still a teen, he was on a court order not to drink and he came home totally wasted. It was so sad watching him leaving in handcuffs, but he was so drunk that he couldn't even get his own shoes on, we had to help him.
Jail time didn't do him any good unfortunatly, (he still drinks heavily), but it gave us peace of mind knowing he wasn't out there drinking himself into oblivion for that short time.
He was very angry at us for a short time, but got over it soon enough. Every single day of my life, I wish he'd see the light and quit drinking. Addiction in families is so very difficult to go through It hurts so much knowing that there is a good person in there if they'd only give themselves the chance to sober up.
How many have had to have their adult child locked up?
My Son was on probation. I was trying to get him to follow his rules and he was with his Brother, wanted to go buy Meth, his brother told him no he was going home, he attacked his Brother, bystanders called the police, they arrested him, his Probation Officer asked if he continue to stay with us? I told her no because this wasn't the first time he had been violent and I could no longer deal with him. So she had no choice but to lock him up, I was the only one that he was able to stay with.
Now him, his other Brother and my Ex Wife is blaming me for this.
brushrunner
Tell the brother it's his fault. If only he went with him to buy the meth, none of this would have happened. Then give your ex-wife the probation officer's phone number.
Since she knows better than you, they can work it out.
I know it's so awful picturing that baby/little kid but really, NOBODY thinks just putting a roof over an addict's head is any kind of solution at all. If he can't get into a very long term rehab, it's a major, major problem.
Sometimes you need to let them hit absolute rock bottom.
He did. Or at least he should have. They went searching for him and found him homeless in a park. Prior to that, he was starving and living in his brother's backyard because his brother wouldn't let him in his house. The OP thought he might have a chance at becoming stable if someone was ensuring he took his medication. That's why they took him into their home. I believe he's like 39 years old---mentally ill, drug addicted, etc. The other siblings don't sound much better. The OP's wife, the step mother of these people, is a saint because she is the one who wanted to find him and bring him into their home. It's sad it turned out the way it did, but the addiction was never addressed and everyone warned him that it wouldn't likely work out as long as he was addicted. Who knows, he might not even be mentally ill if he got off the drugs. Maybe some people never hit rock bottom and eventually die.
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