My 18 yo moved out (sibling, California, decide, handle)
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Actually, I worked with a guy who at 16 got arrested for drunken nude brawling with police. Yes, he was a police officer. Most professions are quite forgiving of stupid teenage antics, as long as you grow up and demonstrate maturity for a good decade after. Now, if you keep it up (and this girl might, considering she is being enabled), that's another story.
I hardly think getting her a lawyer considering what is at stake is enabling her. I'd like to see her able to get a job, get into college, get a scholarship for cheer and people here are telling me that all of that is gone because of this. I don't know the law but the lawyer does. That's why we hired him.
I am not about to walk into that court room thinking they are going to slap her on the wrist only to have them throw the book at her. Her lawyer says a lot depends on which judge she gets and their mood that day. He assures us that he has lawyers on staff who are on good terms with all of the possible judges she may go before and will assign her trial lawyer accordingly. IMO this isn't something you leave to chance. I do not consider getting her a lawyer to be enabling her. IMO it's the only thing to do considering what is at stake. When I came here I was thinking that the worst case would be probation but after reading horror stories here I am not leaving this to chance. I know from my own experience that the police are not your friend and neither are the courts. I was raped at 14 and by the time the police got through with me I couldn't bring myself to face testifying in court. I felt too dirty. I don't trust the police and I don't trust the court. So she has a lawyer. If half of what people are saying here could happen, she needs one.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 11-10-2013 at 09:41 AM..
I hardly think getting her a lawyer considering what is at stake is enabling her. I'd like to see her able to get a job, get into college, get a scholarship for cheer and people here are telling me that all of that is gone because of this. I don't know the law but the lawyer does. That's why we hired him.
I am not about to walk into that court room thinking they are going to slap her on the wrist only to have them throw the book at her. Her lawyer says a lot depends on which judge she gets and their mood that day. IMO this isn't something you leave to chance. I do not consider getting her a lawyer to be enabling her. IMO it's the only thing to do considering what is at stake.
Please point out anyone here who claims getting into college and getting a job are off the table due to this situation.
Few are even questioning the lawyer. Only who is paying for the lawyer. And you conveniently ignore tose comments.
I wasn't there. I'm going by what her father told me. I haven't seen the video. However, I would describe her attitude that night as an entitled little princess. She said the cops were being mean to her. That attitude would have disappeared by morning. Unfortunately, dad didn't wait for her head to clear.
Her entitled little princess attitude hasn't disappeared days later! Why can't you see that?
A couple I know had a 15 year old daughter picked up for shoplifting. It was unclear if she really meant to shoplift, she was with a friend and they were in the mall looking at makeup, the girl was admiring some piece of makeup, lipstick I think and then put it down saying it was too expensive. Her friend picked it back up, put it into her jacket pocket and grabbed her telling her "hurry up we're out of here". The girl with the item in her jacket was arrested. Her parents pretty much believed that is what happened as they had given her money for a movie and food and since the girls skipped the movie, she could have paid for the item if she really wanted to have it.
The thing is which did shock her parents was when they went down to the police station, they saw their generally sweet daughter trying to act tough and defiant with the police which of course didn't help her case. They said that was the more surprising part of it, maybe it was really trying to cover up her fear or keep from crying that she put on a little act trying to look like a tough criminal. It was just a one-time thing, the daughter works as a teacher now.
She's nothing like she was that night. She's angry at her father and I don't blame her. I'd be angry at mine if he did this too.
She should be angry with herself.
You need to help her get past her anger at her father, so she can understand her responsibility in this. If she goes before a judge and blames anyone but herself, I can't imagine the judge appreciating that attitude. She needs to show remorse and that she has learned from this experience and takes the responsibility for her own actions.
You said yourself that the police officer would not have arrested her if she had not shoved him. How is that her father's fault? Had she not taken this a step too far, she would only have gotten a warning, just as her father intended. Unless you really believe that he knew she would shove an officer and set her up. His past experience with the police clearly shows that he did not think she would get anything but a warning since they don't usually do anything to underage drinkers in your town.
Remember, you let him take her because you thought she would only get a warning. It was HER own actions that escalated this further, not her father's.
Last edited by raindrop101; 11-10-2013 at 10:03 AM..
She's nothing like she was that night. She's angry at her father and I don't blame her. I'd be angry at mine if he did this too.
Just skip my entire post where I explained how blaming her father and not taking responsibility for her actions is NOT normal. Neither you or your daughter are reacting normally to this.
I hardly think getting her a lawyer considering what is at stake is enabling her. I'd like to see her able to get a job, get into college, get a scholarship for cheer and people here are telling me that all of that is gone because of this. I don't know the law but the lawyer does. That's why we hired him.
I am not about to walk into that court room thinking they are going to slap her on the wrist only to have them throw the book at her. Her lawyer says a lot depends on which judge she gets and their mood that day. He assures us that he has lawyers on staff who are on good terms with all of the possible judges she may go before and will assign her trial lawyer accordingly. IMO this isn't something you leave to chance. I do not consider getting her a lawyer to be enabling her. IMO it's the only thing to do considering what is at stake. When I came here I was thinking that the worst case would be probation but after reading horror stories here I am not leaving this to chance. I know from my own experience that the police are not your friend and neither are the courts. I was raped at 14 and by the time the police got through with me I couldn't bring myself to face testifying in court. I felt too dirty. I don't trust the police and I don't trust the court. So she has a lawyer. If half of what people are saying here could happen, she needs one.
I think she probably does need a lawyer. A good one who won't completely take her side and tell her she's in the right or anything, but one who will explain how having a crime like that on her record can hurt her in many ways, and will work with her on getting the charges lowered or dropped.
My cousin was pulled over for crossing a line, but the cop noticed a 6 pack of beer in the back of the truck and asked him whose it was and he fessed up and told the cop it was his. Then he went to court and pled guilty and got sent to jail for a week. My uncle was upset that his kid didn't confide in him and he would have gotten him a lawyer, but all the same the 1 week jail sentence for minor in possession of alcohol didn't hurt his career. He's doing fine.
The lawyer is also a lesson for her. You sometimes might need legal representation in court, you can't always try to do it yourself. If the lawyer works out for her to take some kind of alcohol education class, it will inconvenience her but help her in court.
Enabling is saying drunks aren't responsible for what they do when drunk. Ridiculous!
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That attitude would have disappeared by morning. Unfortunately, dad didn't wait for her head to clear.