Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You and I are on different pages. I don't consider a drunk person responsible for their actions beyond getting drunk in the first place. That's the problem with getting drunk. You can lose control and do things you normally would not have. IMO there is a world of difference between going "ballistic" when drunk and when sober. I'm not sure I'd call shoving a cop going "ballistic" though. Stupid, yes but as I've stated before, dd was too drunk to realize that her father had indeed actually taken her to the police. In her world view that is not something a father would do. She did not believe she was dealing with the police at the time.
So let me get this straight, if that same daughter went to a party, and a drunk boy forced her to have sex. Would he be responsible for the rape?
My last dozen or so job applications asked if I had ever been arrested for anything. (I was applying for teaching jobs) Dd's lawyer told her it's a common question on an application and even if he can get her off with a clean record she must answer truthfully, for the rest of her life, that she has been arrested if asked if she's ever been arrested. He did tell her that most employers will offer her the chance to explain if they have the question on the application but some won't.
Seeing as I had a top secret clearance in my old job and worked with people who had "drunk in public", marijuana, and tons of underage drinking on their record...I don't see how this is going to prevent her from getting a job. If they could work on top secret defense projects with drunk in public convictions a year or two ago (we were all young, right out of college), a single underage drinking offense is not going to prevent her from getting a job.
And geez, she's 15. The only jobs she's looking at now are retail and fast food--they hire ex cons. They aren't going to not hire a minor who drank once. (They will however, fire someone who can't take responsibility for their own actions...so now is an excellent time for her to learn that lesson). 10 years from now when she's done with college and grad school and internships and whatever else, no one's going to blink at what she did when she was 15.
The arrest really isn't going to affect her long term future. It is going to, and should, affect her present.
Although, I can't find where Ivory stated that in her area plus the area where she teaches police only take drunk teenagers home to their parents after they bust up an underage drinking party. I was quite surprised to read that. That is definitely not the case where I live.
In my area, according to my children and to fellow teachers, everyone at the party (whether they were drinking or not) is taken to the police station and charged with something. It is true that sometimes it is something very minor but not always. Parents are called to get their children from the police station.
Police acting as a "taxi service" to drive drunk kids home after they raid an underage drinking party? I absolutely have never heard about that happening in my community. It is ludicrous to even think that the police would do that.
The police had been strict before but they really cracked down in my area after several very serious drunk driving car "accidents" by teens. In one case six teens died and in another five teens died after leaving a party where there was drinking. In both cases the driver was seriously drunk.
And, if teens show up at a school dance drunk they certainly are not just turned away they are arrested (although, I'm not sure with what they are charged). Needless to say, it rarely happens. Where IS this magical fairyland where Ivory lives and teaches?
Arrive at school drunk? Now that is easy, we have a full time police officer in our high school that can and will breathalyzer you and charge you on spot. Her office at our upper middle class, suburban high school is a "branch office" of the local police station. I bet at Ivory's school or her daughter's school they just send a drunk or stoned teen home to "sleep it off". Heck, maybe they even drive them home to make it easier for the teen.
Ivory's magical fairyland community is not the real world and I hope that she and DD#1 quickly learn that fact.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-10-2013 at 08:18 AM..
Actually, we've been dealing with sobbing daily. Dd#2 is certain that her life is over. She believes that everything she ever did is now ruined. It is very difficult to watch a child go through this. Unfortunately, with what I'm reading here, I can't offer her any reassurances. Her worst fears may very well play out. I had no idea she had so much at stake because of an MIP. This thread has been a real eye opener there. Let's just hope her lawyer can mitigate the damages.
I guess this is a main difference between you and me. (And I presume between you and most parents here.) Had my child come home from a party drunk, their life as they knew it would certainly be over. At least for a little while. They would be on so much restriction they would wish the police had got involved as it would have been easier on them. If my daughter was on the cheering team, that would be out the window. She would call the instructor the next day (or on Monday) and tell her why. There would be no more parties, no more going out. Driving? H*ll no! Not with the decision making they had shown so far.
Furthermore, I would be irate beyond words if they started trying to guilt me. They might say, "My life is over." I would reply, "It's your own fault. Now go clean your room!" Your daughter deserves absolutely no sympathy from you in any way shape or form. It's time you get on board with your husband.
After re-reading this whole thread, I don't think I understand the OPs position. Her daughter, the 15 year old, was drunk and pushed a police officer. This is a big deal; it is not just some kid's prank. I would think the biggest problem she is facing is putting her hands on an officer. Also, if her mother continues to make excuses for her bad behavior, she will continue to act badly. The daughter is manipulating her mother and blaming her father. Both of these actions will hurt the family. I do think if the parents work together to get the daughter under control everything will be fine. No one should be blamed except the daughter.
So a drunk driver who kills a family of 5 is not responsible for his actions because he was drunk? Or a rapist? We should have sympathy for drunk people who commit crimes or make poor decisions instead of consequences?
It is obvious that you want her father to suffer more than your daughter.
Yeah, I can just see it: "Oh no officer, my daughter was drunk! She didn't mean to shoot the gun and kill someone! She didn't mean to cause that car crash killing a young family! She didn't mean to assault someone!" and so on and so forth. I truly wonder where this enabled, entitled behavior comes from. Ivory has it, she's very much passing it on to her daughter.
I still cannot fathom the 15 y.o who touches a police officer. Drunk or sober. And who, days later is still mainly concerned about her ability to cheer.
And the parent who is clearly on the same page. That the "dire consequences" are related to those things, not the real concern that she might have a 15 y.o alcoholic and she clearly has a 15 y.o who fe,t she had the right to shove a police officer.
There are no words.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
