My 18 yo moved out (babysitting, trouble, older, gifts)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It was only a matter of time before someone called the police about the underage drinking parties, so IMHO, police involvement was bound to happen sooner or later.
Hopefully it will teach her a hard lesson. Who provided the alcohol? That person may also find him/herself in some legal trouble.
Add me to those who wonder what the charges were and why you're having to pay a lawyer all this money. 26 pages in and I still doubt we know the full story other than it mostly being your husband's fault.
I believe that part, no details necessary.
A neighbor around here got into an argument with her live-in fiance that spilled outside, during which she took off her flip flop and threw it at him. Someone called the cops for the noise. Once they got here she mentioned she threw a shoe at she was immediately arrested for domestic violence. He didn't want to press charges but it didn't matter. It cost her thousands of dollars in legal fees to get out of it.
My friend's daughter once was standing in a subway station with her boyfriend when a fight broke out. Her boyfriend tried to break up the fight. Cops came and arrested everyone standing in the chaos. She tried to jump in and pick up her boyfriends wallet and was promptly charged with "obstruction" or some such thing. She also yelled at the cop for handcuffing her and pushing her around. She had some "resisting arrest" charge added. Also cost a lot of money to fight.
Moral of the story: a pissed off police officer can charge you with something, even something minor, and you will have to suck it up and pay a lawyer to make it go away like it or not. It does not take much before the bill gets high.
For the record, I wouldn't want my minor child getting a record over it either. I would totally hire a lawyer too.
Add me to those who wonder what the charges were and why you're having to pay a lawyer all this money. 26 pages in and I still doubt we know the full story other than it mostly being your husband's fault.
Put the truck in "R". Again. Husband's fault?
The OP said she considers teenage drinking to be "one of those things" or words to that affect. Really? Just "one of those things" that kids are going to drink? Not in my world but.... whatever..... so....
DD comes home plastered the first time.
DD comes home plastered the second time.
These are considered HUGE red warning lights in my world but then I don't consider teenage drinking to be "one of those things". And I also know about things like underage drinking laws but why are we worried about underage drinking laws when Little Sunshine's drinking is just "one of those things". (BTW: The OP is educated.)
The OP decides her daughter (who came home drunk as a skunk twice) should be able to go to this party. And, from what we've read, she expected the other parents to watch for any demon rum that the young folks might consume. So the OP has shifted responsibility (conveniently) from herself (let's remember those two huge, red warning lights **flash** **flash**), to the other parents.
Then daughter comes home... drunk (surprise, surprise) and the husband holds the blame? Never mind that the daughter is the person who made the decision to have those jello shots or several of the drinks with the little umbrella in them. Never mind that the mother decided to yield the responsibility for her daughter with a drinking problem to other people. Never mind that the mother considered teen drinking to be "one of those things" and seems totally p***** that there are actual financial consequences to a daughter.... breaking the law.... and she and her husband have to pay for Mr Attorney. (That's called "getting handed the check", BTW.)
Yes! Let's blame Dad for everything!!!!
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-08-2013 at 02:53 PM..
I got the impression that the poster thinks that SHE thinks (wrongly) that it is all her husband's fault, perhaps even laced with exasperation.
Let us hope so. It's more than possible I missed that (Sorry Joe, if I did) while reading through this saga. I also missed a pivotal plot point while reading "Twilight" and had to call my 12-year old niece to clue me in.
What are the charges she is facing? It sounds like more than underage drinking.
She's getting SS payments as the minor child of a retiree, correct? She can reimburse you, and should.
I agree. Ivory, you went on a public forum to get input from other parents. This is what I would do.
If my underage child was caught drinking (and possibly resisting arrest/disorderly conduct/whatever else) she/he would be paying every dime for the attorney's fees & fines out of their own money even it if took until she was 35 years old. In fact, I'm not sure that I would hire an attorney for him/her at all. Why hire a lawyer when DH was the one to turn her into the police?
It is not like your daughter was driving a car at a safe speed for road conditions and hit a patch of black ice. That is an accident or an "act of God". Underage drinking and being belligerent to a police officer is a deliberate conscious decision by someone.
It doesn't appear that DD#2 claimed that others refused to allow her to leave the party, tied her to a chair, held her mouth open and poured beer and alcohol down her throat.
And, I can't even imagine a scenario where a teen could blame someone else because SHE talked back/was belligerent to a police officer. Or did DD claim that there was a ventriloquist hiding behind a large plant in the police station and it only appeared that she was doing the talking back?
She "did the crime" now she needs to "do the time". SS payments that were earmarked for college used for fines (and an attorney, if one is hired) seems very reasonable. Every bit of money that she saved from birthday gifts used for fines (and an attorney, if one is hired) seems very reasonable. DD#2 calling up her grandparents herself and asking for a loan seems very reasonable (and DD making regular payments for that loan herself). DD#2 getting a job to make payments to the court seems very reasonable.
Parents taking money out of their 401K DOES NOT seem reasonable. Parents getting a second job, or going back to work after retirement DOES NOT seem reasonable. Parents taking out loans from a bank DOES NOT seem reasonable. Parents taking out a second mortgage on their home DOES NOT seem reasonable. As a fellow parent, I really hope that you haven't done or are considering any of these things.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-08-2013 at 03:52 PM..
It's a lot of money, but it may be the wake up call she needed. Hopefully she just needs an attitude adjustment. No one ever said raising teenagers is always 100% easy. You'll deal with this and if you're lucky there won't be any thing else too big.
Let's hope so. I just want this to end on terms that let her still get a job when she's 16 and allow her to keep cheering. She needs to be kept busy.
Sometimes I look at dh and ask if I really signed up for this when I brought my cute little babies home.
I think it's a wake up call for dh to not knee jerk parent. The checks he's had to write this week are painful.
Let's hope so. I just want this to end on terms that let her still get a job when she's 16 and allow her to keep cheering. She needs to be kept busy.
Sometimes I look at dh and ask if I really signed up for this when I brought my cute little babies home.
I think it's a wake up call for dh to not knee jerk parent. The checks he's had to write this week are painful.
So, it's your husband's fault all this needs to be paid for, right? Your daughter should be able to cheer to her heart's content, learning nothing in the process. You've lost any smidgin of credibility you had left now.
Let's hope so. I just want this to end on terms that let her still get a job when she's 16 and allow her to keep cheering. She needs to be kept busy.
Sometimes I look at dh and ask if I really signed up for this when I brought my cute little babies home.
I think it's a wake up call for dh to not knee jerk parent. The checks he's had to write this week are painful.
A wake up call to DH? The checks he's written out of his account??
I'd be more interested to know it was a wake up call to DD2. And how she felt about having her college fund depleted over her poor choices. Please tell us she will be paying for the lawyer.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
