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Can someone help me with my question and theory of his mom only wanting to be the cool parent and thinking that because she panned out that he will as well?
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-04-2013 at 07:49 AM..
Can someone help me with my question and theory of his mom only wanting to be the cool parent and thinking that because she panned out that he will as well?
Help you out how? This has worked for her. The only person it isn't working for is you. I don't disagree with you but it's gone on for years. Strangers on a message board are not going to help. I'd suggest counseling. If she won't go, go yourself. Good luck.
I need to figure out a way to get through to her and help her realize that because it worked for her, that doesn't mean it will work for him. I want to tell her that being the " cool parent" isn't the most important thing going on. Surprisingly enough, I am getting some good help from people on here.
Your wife panned out well because you married her at 18 and she didn't have to live with the consequences of her behavior on her own....you sound as though you were the responsible one. Your son might not be as lucky to find himself an enabler like she did, once he leaves his enabling mother. That's if he ever does. The likelihood of him finding a woman who will put up with his behavior is pretty slim.
And I'm not sure how "well" your wife panned out if she is allowing your son to disrespect you, undermine your efforts at instilling responsibility in him, and feel his behavior is any kind of acceptable. In my mind, what would tell me she panned out well is if she admitted her behavior as a teen was pretty bad and realize how screwed up it is to allow her son to do the same things she did.
Your wife needs a serious wake up call. The goal of a parent is NOT to be cool, it is to prepare the young for life on their own. She isn't doing that, and though your intentions are good, neither are you. Maybe you can get through to her by telling her she has had it her way for 18 years and now it is your turn.
I guess "panned out" was a poor choice of words. I meant she eventually grew up and changed her ways. She kind of had to when our son came along. We married at 19, she was pregnant at 18.
It did not pan out so well for her. Aquietpath nailed it. She got lucky that she did not have to go the typical route of teen moms.
She did not grow up at all. She is emotionally still a child with a child of her own. She is now behaving toward you like the spoiled older teen who is making your life miserable while defying you to discipline the other child in the house.
In a mature relationship with two adults, neither of you would "let" the other do anything. You both would work together to come up with a parenting plan for your child.
You need marriage counseling ASAP. Your solution is too much info to put here.
Is counseling the way to go? And how do I deal with this tandem presently? I'm lost. I know I'm being redundant but its frustrating when I'm trying to discipline one kid and try to help and guide him and then have his mom come along and denounce my efforts. And you know even if we did come up with a parenting plan she wouldn't stick with it the whole time. All it would take is a few seconds of " sad eyes" from my son and his favorite phrase, " Are you gonna punish me", and she would abandon the plan immediately.
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-04-2013 at 09:49 AM..
It did not pan out so well for her. Aquietpath nailed it. She got lucky that she did not have to go the typical route of teen moms.
She did not grow up at all. She is emotionally still a child with a child of her own. She is now behaving toward you like the spoiled older teen who is making your life miserable while defying you to discipline the other child in the house.
In a mature relationship with two adults, neither of you would "let" the other do anything. You both would work together to come up with a parenting plan for your child.
You need marriage counseling ASAP. Your solution is too much info to put here.
Is counseling the way to go? And how do I deal with this tandem presently? I'm lost. I know I'm being redundant but its frustrating when I'm trying to discipline one kid and try to help and guide him and then have his mom come along and denounce my efforts. And you know even if we did come up with a parenting plan she wouldn't stick with it the whole time. All it would take is a few seconds of " sad eyes" from my son and his favorite phrase, " Are you gonna punish me", and she would abandon the plan immediately.
Yes it's the way to go only because you have dual problems. There is no "interim." Find a family counselor on Monday and go. They will help set a plan.
I know how odd this is going to sound, but, how do I break the news to them? I guess when I say " them" I mean her. I have no really problem communicating to him, I'll just tell him " We're going to counseling", and that will be the conversation, whereas with her, I have to find a gentler way to tell her as I can imagine she'll be upset. I also have to figure out a way to get her to go, if she initially refuses to go.
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